I am an alcoholic. Did inpatient rehab as a self referral in the military at 24 and I haven’t had a drink since. I was a daily blackout unless I had duty. I started smoking weed 5 years ago. It saved me. It treated my night terrors from PTSD and I lost 100lbs in 6 months in a healthy way, and am now able to live with my physical and mental disabilities by prioritizing my physical and mental health. But I don’t think I am better off not drinking. My wife left me 6 years ago, I’m a really good dad but still part time. A physically abusive toxic ass relationship after, I went fully insane and thought the government was following me, and then my partner of 2.5 years committed suicide 2 years ago. Considering that’s post rehab, shits not going good to end up there at 24. I never did get in any legal trouble though!
I’m 32 and I live with my parents. I had a good job making good money doing technical safety and rescue where I got to use my brain and problem solve and also do cool rescue stuff. I quit that 6 months ago. I have an IQ of 142 but I chose to work in a grocery store deli because my life has been enough and I just want it to be easy so I have time to coach baseball, ride my bike with my kids and play guitar.
But I also want to drink. I want to go to the bar and have beers and laughs. I miss the social lubrication of alcohol. I’m awkward as fuck, but I’m really funny and very nice, alcohol fixed my nerves and let me be comfortable. Everyone in my old circle was shocked when I got sober because I was such a good drunk. Even in the Navy I was a stand out sailor, always hard charging even dying from a hang over.
I’m not going to relapse because I’m strong and I am afraid of the consequences. I am proud of myself. This last year was the hardest year of sobriety I have maintained. Happy birthday to me for something I’ll keep doing but really don’t want to.
Also, Anyone who says that weed and alcohol are the same is an addict, I am an alcoholic, the desire to numb everything with booze has never itched at me the way wanting a J during a T-break does.
Thanks for reading