I’m having a wakeup call or a quarter life crisis. Basically lockdowns have destroyed my mental health and I haven’t fully recovered. I developed severe agoraphobia which I am still dealing with but it’s getting better but it might take a while before I can get a normal job, but this crisis hopefully will help and Inspire me to work harder to get better faster.
So I also haven’t worked or went to school since I was 20, I don’t have many skills. Still living with my parents. I dropped out of community college.
I want to live a normal life and get married and have children. If my mental health was cured today and I started working tomorrow would it still be possible in your opinion to have a normal successful life at this point? I’m honestly considering making YouTube videos as a “career” at this point.
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Of course.
Yes.
I’m a vastly different person to the directionless kid I was at 25.
Absolutely, it’s never too late. I started studying something new at 26, with having only done menial work beforehand. Got a bachelor’s degree, still struggled for a bit after, got a job at an advertising agency, did that for a couple years and am now self employed, earning well and living my best life a little over 10 years later. It’s never too late for anything, unless you’re dead.
What? Of course mate. Literally the vast majority don’t “have it together” until well after 25.
After twenty five? Shit! I was still stood in fields out of my tiny mind on all sorts of party drugs at that age, I didn’t even think about settling down for another five years and here I am at fifty one, father of three, hard working bill paying sensible member of society, of course you can still get yourself together!
YES, and at 30, 40, 45, 50, 55 or even 60
The only time it’s NOT possible is when you’re in the ground
Any time before that, it’s possible
As someone who lost it all at 35 I hope I’ll be right again by 40-43
I hope not. I’ll be 30 tomorrow and I still got plenty of work to do. I still live with my parents too although my circumstances are complicated with my dad’s health.
Lots of my friends are in their mid 30s and they are practically unrecognizable from where they were just a few years ago, so I’d imagine it’s never too late so long as you put in the work.
I didn’t get my act in gear until I was 28. I’m 62 now, I have been retired two years, and I can’t imagine anything being better, financially or spiritually. I have exceeded every goal I’ve ever set for myself.
And I did it all with no early plans. You have that advantage of me. You will do much better.
I went to university at 25. I studied a niche topic and got a job straight out of university. I am now 32 and life is completely different to what I could have ever hoped for. I didn’t have other education certificates as I was a “mature” student, so the parameters for entry were different.
One thing I would say is, get over your agoraphobia. I know it’s not that simple, not a switch on and off. But it will honestly derail your life, you are young but you need to conquer this one seriously. Get a hobby that takes you outside, fitness gym etc all the typical things. You need to find motivation to be in uncomfortable spaces to grow. Comfort is your enemy!
I would say the rest is easy, you just need to do it. But try and get the agoraphobia figured.
Yes. BUT. (This will be blunt) You are not trying as hard as you can to better your life by improving your mental fitness. Do not discount what you can directly control. Do not overestimate what others will ever be able to do for your mental health.
-exercise often, as in total all out panting exhaustion for 20mins everyday. (Treadmill on the back patio is fine)
-wake early no matter what. No later than 8am.
-early bedtime will come naturally once you are tired enough.
-remove yourself from discussions about things you cannot control (social issues, politics, world events), they are a distraction from your current biggest issue.
-approach your triggers, do not avoid them completely, today is a good day to get closer than yesterday.
-talk to a councillor or therapist regularly but change provider if you ever hear them suggest you should expect less than 100% recovery over a reasonable time (maybe 2years).
Mental health is like any other ailment. It takes strong, positive and uncomfortable action to tackle cancer and win. Mental illness is no different.
“Do you think it’s possible to get your life together after 25?”
Of course you can!
“So I also haven’t worked or went to school since I was 20, I don’t have many skills. Still living with my parents. I dropped out of community college.”
“I’m honestly considering making YouTube videos as a “career” at this point.”
….oof. Not gonna lie you’re really gonna have to knuckle down and work your ass off to start turning things around. It’s not impossible but you’re definitely starting with a handicap. Start studying, working and saving money as much as you can, as soon as you can.
LoL
Don’t take this to be condescending because we all go through it, but you are so young still you can do whatever you want. I’ve got 10 years on you but it’ll be the same for the guy 10 years on from that.
The thing to keep in mind is you wont be cured tomorrow, if you leave it another week or year though there’s no scenario where you are cured in one day. You do it bit by bit, small victories every day that compound. If that’s going to the end of the road, or going to the shops, it’s a win. If it’s just getting dressed, the next day you can get dressed and clean the kitchen. As long as every day you’re a step further along you’ll get where you want to go.
As someone who has also suffered with mental health issues the big thing I can tell you from the other side is that the people that say sleep, diet and exercise are the key … annoyingly they are right. I remember thinking it was bullshit and they had no idea, but I was wrong, it moves the needle massively.
Of course, start now and you’ve got the rest of your life to enjoy it.
Yes. I didn’t get married until I was 38.
Just get out there, do some job or other. I’ve worked in a sheet metal factory for minimum wage. It was hard work, and shit – but it was something, it got me out of the house each day, and gave me a small income and a sense of being productive and having a purpose.
I have been involved in various men’s groups for over 25 years.
Short answer, yes
Longer answer: something I saw repeatedly was older guys who started to work on themselves after their marriage fell apart. So most were middle aged. But their life was a train wreck. Wife left them, kids hated I the full deal. They would start to try and get their mental health together.
Then, maybe 5 or 10 years later I would run into them again. And they would be with a new partner who was a woman who, when they first started their healing journey, they would have considered “out of their league”
Starting a healing process at 25,with no ex- wife, no kids? Playing the game on easy mode. (still really hard work but less hard)
The most important thing is to focus on your mental health. The more you can put into that, the faster everything else will come together.
I didn’t even start the process until I was 25 and it didn’t really happen until I was 28 almost 29. Now I’m consistently doing better.
Yes. I’d say it’s probably the only time to start. My 20s were mostly parties and hanging out with friends. I didn’t know what I wanted to do longer term and had some horrible mental health issues. I started fixing my shit when I was mid 30s and have a much better life now. Not as much partying, but more fulfilling overall.
You’ll be fine.
Life is not a race. Just because other people are having success early on in their life doesn’t mean you are a failure. I watched a lot of my friends get married, have kids and get houses in their early twenties. Was I jealous? Of course yes. I wanted the same thing. But I was patient and learned to let things fall into place instead of trying to force it.
I’m 38 now. Been married for 4 years coming up this August and just got my first house last year.
Just be patient and continue to work on yourself. Your time will come. Don’t worry about what others think of you or what they are doing in life.
Life is not a competition.
reddit answer is “uhhh yeah its possible even at 50!! :)”
reality is mid to late 20s are the last call for a LOT of the population with normal-to-high levels of drive and ambition. it takes a lot of effort and resilience after that. and lockdown induced mental health issues mean that you are not the exception.
you NEED to act now! get out of your comfort zone and generate 1-3-5 year plans and literally just fucking do things. dont fall into wholesome reddit pithole.
Yes, trust me, it’s a lot easier to start when you have the safety net of living with parents. You can get it together at any point, but right now you have a safety net. Use it
My friend told me he was a real piece of shit until he was 26. Screwing over friends, smoking weed all day, never working. I met him when he was 32 and married, just started at his job with me after trade school. He just turned 40, 4 kids, 2 houses ( one is rented out with $1600/mo positive cases flow). Turned his life around at 30 and doing great now.