okay so. a few weeks ago u found out my boyfriend cheated on me.
here’s some keynotes
•we’ve been together for exactly one year today
•this is the first time this has ever happened
•we decided to stay together
•im 21. he is 26
•in this one year. we’ve been through hell and back together.
•there’s so much going on in my life and i’m sooo close to losing it. not just this. but this one is what i need advice on. does it ever get better? do the pictures that pop in your mind fade? am i stupid for staying?
i’m devastated. i’m hurt. embarrassed. what do i do. he is showing remorse. regret. i know he feels terrible. and i’m not just blinded by naivety or love. i know he feels terrible. and im not going to lie. i stopped putting my all into this relationship a while ago due to severe depression and just struggling with myself. there wasn’t much sex because of me. there wasn’t much excitement. he asked to get coffee almost every morning, do things and i just stayed in bed 80% of the times he asked. i’m not excusing what he did. but im
pointing out my flaws as well. i just need advice. please. for the ones who were cheated on early on. does. it. get. better.
i just need help..please
r/Advice
Comments
You can forgive but, you will never forget.
You will think about it atleast one time every singe day.
You’ll be insecure for a long time.
You may not ever feel the same way about him.
It’s also not a good sign at the one year mark, as clearly your feelings for him are stronger than his feelings for you.
I know what I would do.
It. Does. Not. Get. Better.
If you allow this you’re showing him that his behavior is acceptable.
He will do it again.
leave that child
Move on girly. There’s plenty of other people out there that will treat you better. Sounds like you’re trying to make excuses to stay in the relationship. People make mistakes and can come back from it, but cheating on your significant other isn’t one of them. He’s also much older than you and should know better. I’m not saying he won’t cheat again, but the first offense opens doors for another. 100% of repeated offenders always have a first offense. Imagine if someone did that to your friend or family member, what would you say to them? It’s not stupid to want the relationship to work, but you need more time to process what happened to you, figure out what you want, choose your path, and accept the consequences that comes with the territory.
You’re still young and you have your whole 20s ahead of you. Do you really want to waste it on a guy you can’t completely trust? I don’t and I wouldn’t want my friends to. To me it seems like you want someone to validate your feelings about you causing this rift with your depression. I’d say focus on yourself first. As scary and as lonely as it is to be alone, there are thousands of more people in the world (that you’ve yet to meet), that could be a better match. I don’t know your boyfriend and what his character is, but sounds to me like he’s not going to do anything but continue to drain your mental, and emotional health. It goes the other way as well. Maybe you aren’t the one for him either or you were compatible but the timing was off. Sometimes two people can be compatible but never have the right timing (whether it’s different life stage, mindsets, life goals, etc.) and that’s OK.
Hopefully you meet someone else along the way that helps support and enables your growth and wellbeing as a partner.
Sorry but it happens again and again. I tried for 25 years
My advice to you is that you should break up with him, he broke a very important trust and it doesn’t get any easier sometimes but it seems you need to work on yourself too.
It doesn’t. Please run. No matter how great your sex life is or how much time you spend together, it would not have changed the outcome. If someone will cheat because “needs aren’t met” they will ALWAYS need something met, and you can’t fulfill that. Ever. A therapist told me once, if you are hungry, you eat. No matter how happy you are. It’s the same with cheating. Cheating isn’t due to how happy they are in a relationship. It’s due to mental disorder, poor coping skills, poor communication skills or something else, or a combo of those reasons. For them to be able to follow through with cheating and the thought of hurting you didn’t stop them, then they are not truly sorry. They feel bad, because they were caught. They didn’t feel bad doing it. They will make another excuse in their mind why the next time is different and once again only feel bad if you catch them. If it’s not cheating they will fulfill that need some other way unless they do serious work to fix it. Go fix yourself (not wanting to go out might be a sign of something) so you can get a better healthier partner in the future. You cannot fix both of you. I promise you can’t. The pain will also never go away. Please read cheating message boards. You’ll notice a pattern. Everything you said in your message is part of the pattern.
Leave him. It does not get better you will hurt yourself everyday and feel stuck. Not good for your own personal growth forget relationship. Your future self will thank you because not matter what life goes on and probably there is something better for you.
It doesn’t get better.
The images you see will never go away.
And yes, as much as it sucks to hear, you’re stupid to stay.
He cheated. He violated your trust. He showed that he cared so little for you that he would sleep with womeine else.
Also, you only know this is the first time you’ve found out. You’ll never know for sure it was the first time it happened.
I’m sorry, it will always be in the back of your mind, and there’s always a chance that it will (likely) happen again. You don’t just accidentally fuck someone else when you’re in a committed relationship. This isn’t a, “it wasn’t my fault, I didn’t mean to do it!” thing. He feels terrible because he got caught. You know he didn’t feel terrible while doing it.
How did you find out? Was he so guilty that he came and told you right away? Or did you have to find out from someone else, and convince him to tell you the truth?
No, you should NOT stay with a cheater. There ARE people out there that don’t need to cheat, and will be there for you in your worst times without needing to go out and get their dick wet.
What do you need help with exactly? He cheated on you, end of story. Move on to someone who doesn’t 🤦♂️
I just can’t ever get with this.
1 time is too many and I kinda chuckled when she said this was the first time it ever happened.
Respectfully I highly doubt that. It’s tough I remember when I was a younger dude. To find someone who you can trust and won’t cheat is pretty hard in today’s day and age.
I just thank god I don’t have to dare today. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Once a cheater always a cheater and LIAR
One never forgets. I am F60. I know old, but I have been through a lot of things and just know that life is so short. Don’t waste it! You know the answer it’s just not what you want to hear understandable.
Not to sound like a jerk, but….
I know life seems to be pretty tough for you right now, but I think you need to look at what you want for the future. Life has its ups and downs, and you want the right person to be with you through thick and thin.
Once a cheater always a cheater
Move on, you deserve better and you will find better.
The moment he decided to cheat was the moment he disregarded your worth
He may feel terrible but that doesn’t justify shit nor does it make it easier. “Sorry I was drunk driving and killed your child”—sounds crazy right? Feeling remorse doesn’t change the fact that he induced trauma on you —willingly btw—and you’ll be scarred the rest of your life with that. Always that thought in the back of your mind, whether you’re with him or not. Fuck that guy.