So here’s the deal; I, (17) F, was having lunch with my mother and a family friend. While we were making conversation my mom mentioned how she still has her ex’s ring. This ring was an heirloom from his grandmother. He and my mom fell in love and were crazy enough to want to get married 3 months into the relationship- they never did, but they stayed together for 2 years before he died of an OD.
My issue with this is that he had a daughter who was not much younger than me. I didn’t know her all to well, but I know she was most definitely devastated by his passing and she had a mental disability (I think she was autistic and threw fits or something). Anyway, I think she should send the ring to the daughter. Since it was an heirloom and all, and my mom only knew him for two years and never married. Not to mention the fact that she has a new boyfriend now that she plans on marrying and for some reason still has a bunch of jewellery from her many exes. My point is that she could get a new man at any time, but the daughter will only have one father. This bothers me so much because I suspect he didn’t have much to pass on to her. I know that if I was in that girl’s situation I would hate my mom’s guts, as she was just some gf she hardly knew. Plus, my mom is known for her dysfunctional relationships. Despite the fact they wanted to marry early on their relationship was off the rails most of the time and sometimes toxic. All her relationships are like this or worse. So my mom either has horrible taste or is part of the problem, so I believe he’d want it with his daughter who seemed to love him so much.
I told her how I felt that was a selfish thing to do and she said since he loved her she had a right to keep it. I didn’t want to press because whenever I questioned her morality, she blew up.
AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
So here’s the deal; I, (17) F, was having lunch with my mother and a family friend. While we were making conversation my mom mentioned how she still has her ex’s ring. This ring was an heirloom from his grandmother. He and my mom fell in love and were crazy enough to want to get married 3 months into the relationship- they never did, but they stayed together for 2 years before he died of an OD.
My issue with this is that he had a daughter who was not much younger than me. I didn’t know her all to well, but I know she was most definitely devastated by his passing and she had a mental disability (I think she was autistic and threw fits or something). Anyway, I think she should send the ring to the daughter. Since it was an heirloom and all, and my mom only knew him for two years and never married. Not to mention the fact that she has a new boyfriend now that she plans on marrying and for some reason still has a bunch of jewellery from her many exes. My point is that she could get a new man at any time, but the daughter will only have one father. This bothers me so much because I suspect he didn’t have much to pass on to her. I know that if I was in that girl’s situation I would hate my mom’s guts, as she was just some gf she hardly knew. Plus, my mom is known for her dysfunctional relationships. Despite the fact they wanted to marry early on their relationship was off the rails most of the time and sometimes toxic. All her relationships are like this or worse. So my mom either has horrible taste or is part of the problem, so I believe he’d want it with his daughter who seemed to love him so much.
I told her how I felt that was a selfish thing to do and she said since he loved her she had a right to keep it. I didn’t want to press because whenever I questioned her morality, she blew up.
AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called my mom selfish. But this may not be as big of a deal as I think it is since she never said the daughter asked for the ring back.
I think I may be blowing this whole thing out of proportion, but this just seems morally wrong, and I quite frankly don’t think my mom is deserving of the ring anyway.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
Check out our holiday break announcement here!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH. You’ve framed this as a question of morality, but it’s a question of generosity on your mother’s part and those are not the same thing. The ex gave her that ring. Would it be nice or kind for your mother to send the daughter the ring? Yes, for sure. Is it moral, though? If the ex gave her the ring, the ring is hers now.
You can certainly suggest it to your mom, and you can be internally disappointed if she refuses, but it’s not that your mother is evil here, but that she’s not living up to your standards, not general standards.
Frankly, I’m disappointed in your mom too. This was an opportunity to do a kindness for a person who needed it. But it wasn’t imperative goodness. It was potential generosity, and while we can hope for that and aim for it ourselves, we can’t obligate it in other people.
YTA bc their relationship was none of your business at all. have some respect for your mother.
You’re a good person
Nta, she’s a cruel and toxic person. Personally I’d take the ring and give it to the daughter and tell her never to breathe a word about it publicly
NTA at all. empathy is a beautiful thing and I’m sorry your own mother lacks it.
NTA. At first, I wanted to say the opposite because I thought she was keeping the ring as a memory and that it was helping her cope with the loss. But by the end of reading, I realized that she most likely just likes the ring and doesn’t have any emotional attachment to it. Though I could be wrong—that’s just the impression she gives. Also you sound like a very good person 🌸