I’m confused about myself and it all started because I hit puberty and got horny one night.

(also, I posted this to share what I’m feeling, how it started, and see if anyone else feels the same way too) So, I am a bio female, and I think I’m trans. And before you say something stupid like “well it’s the Internet making everyone think they are” or something. Keep in mind I am homeschooled and was sheltered from people and had NO access to social media. So that couldn’t have been an influence on me. So, during when I was a child I was super feminine, just chilling, I then turned 14 or 15, and shit hit the fan for me, I got boobs and my period and now most of all, I got horny, and this is where I got all fucked up…at that point I was more box shaped and didn’t really have boobs so that wasn’t an issue. But now I was feeling all of these things, but I didn’t wanna touch myself, because I thought that was gross, so one night I’m thinking while feeling this way, whilst doing something else that I will not describe. And the only thing I can imagine is me, with a wang, fucking a girl….now, just a one time thing right? Strange fantasy sure? but it was just once right? WRONG now all of a sudden in my dreams I am a man I cannot feel pleasure unless I picture myself as a man and at the same time I’m getting more and more of a feminine body so I’m starting to go crazy! I chop all my hair off and only buy boy clothes, refusing to go outside and just feeling all types of weird things…now, this is where I get even MORE confused. I liked a guy a lot, and he only liked feminine girls so last year I grew my hair, wore makeup for the first time, threw my binder away, bought girly clothes because I liked him so much even tho I didn’t like it. But NOW I hate myself for that and am starting the whole hair cutting cycle and shit all over again! And now I hate myself even more than ever and know that no woman will find me attractive and no man will either….ALL BECAUSE I got horny ONE NIGHT and only feel comfortable seeing myself as I man in any relationship or sexual setting or out in public. And now I’m stuck feeling this at 1am when I probably should be sleeping.