Hello,
I’ve been with him over a year now and I love him immensely for all his traits, including his intelligence yet I still feel some sort of irrational jealousy that he is smarter than me. He speaks very clearly and concisely about plenty of different topics while in comparison I can barely string together one cohesive sentence. It eats away at me sometimes as I don’t know what he sees in me as I’m not even close to his level of intelligence. I don’t think he’ll get bored of me but I just feel so inadequate in comparison to him at times. It especially comes out when he is better spoken about a topic I’m interested in. I just wish I had one solid piece of knowledge he could learn from me, rather than the opposite being true.
I think a reason this eats away at me so much is because I’ve always been the “dumbest” one in a friend group as I got the lowest grades out of everyone in grade school. I didn’t even do bad, I just consistently scored lower than everyone else even if it was just a few points below. Now I’m in university and I’m doing mediocre, not failing but will never see my name on the honor roll, which I think is making this feeling of inadequacy more apparent.
My boyfriend on the other hand did very well in grade school and is doing well in university. He went to a university prep school which made the transition easier and paired with his amazing grades this led to him getting into a competitive private university with a much lower acceptance rate than the public one I got into. I know I come off as bitter and maybe I am in that regard. I love him to bits and appreciate his intelligence but just wish I could be at his level.
He always tells me I’m creative or I’m funny and those are my greatest strengths, but I just want to be intelligent in a way that is actually useful. He’s probably just being nice about the funny part too as I can barely say a sentence out loud without stuttering like an imbecile.
TLDR: I have bad self-esteem issues and my boyfriend is better at explaining most things than I am which makes me feel inadequate.
Comments
Academics do not equal intellect.
My wife and I both always assumed she was more intelligent than myself.
She was a straight A student with little to no effort.
I was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD at 12 and put into special Ed classes. I have never taken a class in grammar or algebra.
Due to some marital issues, we ended to meeting with psychologists.
We both had evaluations done and she had an IQ score of 115. That is nothing to balk at, mine was 138.
IQ scores do not mean all that much either to be honest.
I’m guessing you are far more intelligent that you realize and he likely isn’t a much as he thinks.
I did fantastic in school, I’m well-spoken and I have knowledge in certain areas.
I’m also a fucking moron. Don’t be too bothered.
Everyone is knowledgeable about different areas. what do you nerd out in? Do you like art? Cooking? Math? Pop culture? Videogames? Empathy? Parenting? Sailing? Emotional intelligence? Talk about your own hobbies and the little things about it. You’ll be “smarter” in those areas. If you’re not comfortable with that pick up a new hobby and spend time nerding out on it.. then talk about it.
You might have other qualities OP😂
i’m well-spoken and get good grades with less effort than many people have to put in. but i feel so incredibly inadequate physically, i got laughed at in gym class and still get seen as weak. it bothers me every day and just once i’d like to perform better at a physical task than other guys that i’m often around.
my point is, we all feel inadequate and ashamed of ourselves in some way. your boyfriend probably has something he beats himself up about. but for what it’s worth, i also feel like an idiot and there is so much knowledge that i don’t know yet and will never know. i’m glad that i’m articulate and curious, but it doesn’t carry me through life with ease and i don’t live with a consistent sense of self assurance by any means. the only thing my “intelligence” really provides for me is entertainment and some amount of problem solving capability.
and keep in mind, your ability to say your thoughts out loud or in a school assignment doesn’t determine how smart you actually are inside your head. memorizing topics in class and perfectly regurgitating them is only one teeny tiny way to be smart. understanding the world around you and how you affect it is what matters the most. the fact that you know you’re not a genius actually means you’re not dumb, because you don’t think you know everything. you’re self aware of what skills you lack, and you’ve written about your feelings in a very understandable and cohesive way. so i also am willing to bet you’re emotionally intelligent and treat others well, because you’re self aware. a lot of book smart people make people around them feel terrible because they just have no people skills whatsoever.
you don’t have to force yourself to be any particular way. you just have to recognize what you are good at and boost your confidence by focusing on whatever that is