Family griefs are the situations in which you start to see the true colours of your family members

r/

Not only I lived through it when my mom died, but I’ve noticed that it very often goes like this. What I mean is those situations , when some family member dies, are the situations in which all the unresolved family tensions that have been hoarded for years finally explode, and god forbid if you were the “problematic kid” when you were in school or whatever, because they will use it as a perfect excuse to use you as an emotional punching bag and a scapegoat, where your past mistakes will get weaponized against you. And we won’t even talk about the financial and bureaucratic part of the things involving inheritances etc etc, when there is something to gain like property etc etc, family members you haven’t seen in years suddenly become legal experts overnight, and that is where the “greed” factor in them really shows, this is what I had to go through when my mom died after fighting with cancer for 3 years, what do you think?

Comments

  1. AutoModerator Avatar

    Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

  2. ProcusteanBedz Avatar

    I don’t think that’s unpopular, I think the experience is common. I don’t know if it’s true colors so much as context specific behaviors/disinhibition/dynamic change, but it’s no fun and everyone has done through it to some degree.

  3. One-Guilty-Finger Avatar

    I think this is actually a popular opinion. When each of my parents died, I watched my two brothers execute disappearing acts that David Blaine would be proud of. Other than secretly returning to steal all my dad‘s tools, my brothers showed no interest in helping my mother or helping me deal with the disorderly rubble left behind. 

    Same thing happened when my mother died and I suddenly had a cigarette smoke saturated dilapidated condo with a large second mortgage to sell without either of them helping. Five months of labor after work and on weekends to get that piece of crap in shape, part of it with me working by myself with my arm in a cast. Neither brother anywhere to be seen. But they sure showed up after the sale to get a cut of the money!

    I lost much esteem in them over their handling of the deaths of my parents. Deadbeats, both of them. 

  4. chronicallysaltyCF Avatar

    This is a very popular opinion and common experience

  5. Diligent-Rule4109 Avatar

    Both my parents are ill and I have started to go through this.
    Everyone wants the house, or to sell it and get a cut of money.
    One brother who lived with us a few years and paid rent wants their rent back, sisters want money and neither have lived in the house for 20 or so years and both have a home already.
    Family abroad are asking if a will has been made (and I’ve never met 99% of them, and the 1% I did meet when I was 5.

  6. millioneura Avatar

    My grandpa last spoke to his sister in 1970 at their dad’s (my great grandpa) funeral. Guess who rolled in sobbing and screaming that’s her favourite brother during my grandpas funeral 45 years later after no contact for almost half a century? And of course when the will was read how he loved her and it was a mistake and surely he would’ve left something for her. 

  7. IndecisiveNomad Avatar

    I think this is pretty well known and a common experience. I’m a law student and all the estate planning/probate lawyers I’ve met have crazy experiences—it’s the reason why estate planning lawyers are always needed. 

  8. Yuck_Few Avatar

    I remember my grandmother always had an hourglass that I like and she told me I could have it after she passed
    I would love to have had it for sentimental value but my selfish Uncle decided to keep it for himself