I literally never posted on reddit so sorry if this is written badly. Also english is not my first language.
My (27f) ex-boyfriend (28m) told my sister at a party that I was the best woman he ever met and I have no idea how to feel about it.
Background: we were together for almost 4 years in our teenage years and planned to go to college together. He was my first big love and 3.5 years into the relationship I found out he cheated and confronted him. I collected evidence and multiple girls told me they kissed at occasions I was not there with him. When I confronted him he confessed (not immediately, but at some point in the conversation) and we agreed to not end it but pause and have a bit of space to figure out what that means for us as a couple. After two weeks we got back together and he was very sorry, apologized and promised it would never happen again. Dumb little me believed him but almost half a year later he told me he was gonna watch a soccer game of his female best friend, then gonna wait for her to get showered and go out to party with her on the weekend, so we couldn’t see each other that day or evening. I never got to meet this girl, just knew her from pictures and saw her around. And somehow I got a bad feeling – let’s call it intuition – and I straight out asked him if he was in love with her. And he said yes. So that’s how things ended with us after nearly 4 years and they got together 2 weeks after we broke up.
I left our region for uni, he never went and we hardly ever saw each other. He texted me once every 2 years to check in and we occasionally bumped into each other at parties.
Fast forward 8 years later my sister (24f) went on a costume party a few days ago and dressed up as a red flag. She asked me for ideas for red flags she wrote and glued to her dress and I gave her several and said as a side note that my ex was a good inspiration for that. I think that was the moment she realized what happened back then, as she was still only 13 when we broke up and she didn’t realize it back then.
So on this costume party she ran into my ex and confronted him by telling him that he inspired some of those flags and he should never treat a girl like he treated me ever again. She said (and in our language that makes way more sense): “ok forget about (my name), but you cannot treat women like that!”. He then responded “no, I’m not forget about her, she was the best woman I ever met!”.
My sister told me this and now I am very confused. He currently is in a relationship and I am too, so I don’t get why he would say this?! Please help me make it make sense!
Also, no, I don’t have feelings left and love my current boyfriend very much. We’ve been together for 5 years now and live together for 4. I am just confused because this doesn’t make sense to me. How could I have been the best woman he ever met if 1) he is in a relationship (shouldn’t his current gf be the best woman he ever met?!) and 2) he treated me like shit and swapped me out in the blink of an eye.
Sorry that it got so long and thanks for your thought on this in advance!
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I literally never posted on reddit so sorry if this is written badly. Also english is not my first language.
My (27f) ex-boyfriend (28m) told my sister at a party that I was the best woman he ever met and I have no idea how to feel about it.
Background: we were together for almost 4 years in our teenage years and planned to go to college together. He was my first big love and 3.5 years into the relationship I found out he cheated and confronted him. I collected evidence and multiple girls told me they kissed at occasions I was not there with him. When I confronted him he confessed (not immediately, but at some point in the conversation) and we agreed to not end it but pause and have a bit of space to figure out what that means for us as a couple. After two weeks we got back together and he was very sorry, apologized and promised it would never happen again. Dumb little me believed him but almost half a year later he told me he was gonna watch a soccer game of his female best friend, then gonna wait for her to get showered and go out to party with her on the weekend, so we couldn’t see each other that day or evening. I never got to meet this girl, just knew her from pictures and saw her around. And somehow I got a bad feeling – let’s call it intuition – and I straight out asked him if he was in love with her. And he said yes. So that’s how things ended with us after nearly 4 years and they got together 2 weeks after we broke up.
I left our region for uni, he never went and we hardly ever saw each other. He texted me once every 2 years to check in and we occasionally bumped into each other at parties.
Fast forward 8 years later my sister (24f) went on a costume party a few days ago and dressed up as a red flag. She asked me for ideas for red flags she wrote and glued to her dress and I gave her several and said as a side note that my ex was a good inspiration for that. I think that was the moment she realized what happened back then, as she was still only 13 when we broke up and she didn’t realize it back then.
So on this costume party she ran into my ex and confronted him by telling him that he inspired some of those flags and he should never treat a girl like he treated me ever again. She said (and in our language that makes way more sense): “ok forget about (my name), but you cannot treat women like that!”. He then responded “no, I’m not forget about her, she was the best woman I ever met!”.
My sister told me this and now I am very confused. He currently is in a relationship and I am too, so I don’t get why he would say this?! Please help me make it make sense!
Also, no, I don’t have feelings left and love my current boyfriend very much. We’ve been together for 5 years now and live together for 4. I am just confused because this doesn’t make sense to me. How could I have been the best woman he ever met if 1) he is in a relationship (shouldn’t his current gf be the best woman he ever met?!) and 2) he treated me like shit and swapped me out in the blink of an eye.
Sorry that it got so long and thanks for your thought on this in advance!
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You’re the one he regrets losing and I suspect he has many regrets. Keep your distance and don’t encourage contact. Tell your bf everything of course.
Why does it matter? If you’ve truly moved on you shouldn’t care, so you’re probably still holding onto lingering feelings even if you deny it
Maybe its just what it sounds like. You don’t have to find meaning in it. He’s a typical cheater who will never fully be satisfied with what he has anyway. I recommend you feel flattered and keep it moving.
He’s disrespecting his current girlfriend, trying to see if there’s any hope of reconciliation and generally being an idiot.
Is the admiration of a cheat worth anything?
Those are the words of a man that lost a girl he’s still hung up on. Remember he’s a literally walking red flag and put him in the past, maybe best to block going forward.
That’s the type of guy that’s going to come making huge love declarations for you when you’re happy and he’s at his lowest.
With maturity and life experiences, he realized that you’re wonderful person that he treated poorly. It doesn’t mean that he wants to get back together. Don’t overthink this. It was a compliment from someone that you used to know.
In English we call it “The one that got away”. The first love that he hurt so badly and who walked away from him for it, is you. Anyone who has one of those One who got away people in their past, they are never able to let them go in their minds. That is what you are to him
He doesn’t even actually know you. He’s idealizing you. Just like he idealized his girl best friend, while he with you, he probably thought the same thing about her.
it seems he has a case of the “where ever you are, there you are” disease. Meaning he obviously has some internal issues that he’s refusing to address, so he keeps changing his external circumstances assuming it will make him feel better about himself. But since he’s the real problem, even when things change he still feels the same about himself, so he again blames the outside circumstances.—-He got with you in Highschool thinking it would make him feel better, it didn’t so he cheated but that also didn’t make him feel better so he got back with you, but he still didn’t feel better so he got with his friend, which also didn’t work, so he moved onto someone new, and continued the cycle.
He does not actually think you’re the “best girl”, as an adult he probably idealizes his childhood and thinks of it as a time he might have felt good (which in reality he didn’t) and associates you with that time. He also hasn’t seen you in almost a decade which has given him plenty of time to project ideas onto you.
Your’re probably a great person but he’s just a very unhappy person looking to anyone and anything but himself to be the solution
He told her this because you ARE the best woman he met and he knows he seriously f/cked up. Do NOT reach out to him. But know that he’ll never have anyone as awesome as you.
And I hope he felt like crap knowing he’s inspiration for a red flag costume.
He knew what he said would get back to you and he wants to play mind games. He’s a cheater no matter how great of a person you are. His current gf is probably great and he’s cheating on her. Don’t be tucked into getting back with him because he won’t change
Don’t worry about it if you’re all moved on and in another relationship. He sounds like a tool.