I’ve really struggled with depression over the years, but I have a lot of things I want to do in my life and people I want to do them with. Whenever the topic of suicide or self harm comes up, I always say that I’m not interested in that because I’ve got shit to do – and it’s true.
I have a girlfriend who I have been with for over 6 years but when I think about what I would be leaving behind- it’s always the thought of my cat looking for me, not knowing where I went or when I’ll be back and not understanding that I’m gone that breaks my heart the most.
Life is a roller coaster, there will be highs and lows. Sometimes the dips & valley’s last a while, but I know that it’s worth it to get through it, because there will be another high.
Knowing that things will be different – maybe in a couple hours, maybe tomorrow, or next week, or in a few months…. but eventually, things will change.
The fact that we don’t have a high enough life insurance plan on me for my family to be taken care of without me. And that my kids and my husband need me.
Humour. When I start joking around and doing anything to make other people laugh, I’m going through some shit I can’t talk about and laughter is the best way I handle difficulties.
I’ve struggled with depression for many years. Here are somethings that keep me going. I keep myself going because, at the end of the day, it’ll be me who is there for me. My parents also keep me going, and I want to help them when they get older. Not all of us are fortunate enough to be well off in life. This last one is kind of a double edged sword. I know that when things get tough, it’s only temporary, but I also know it’ll come back. Depression is like a rollercoaster and what comes up must come down and vice versa.
I saw an Asian man walking on the street he looked sinister wearing a neat jacket, I started following him.. I was curious, thinking silly things about his ethnicity, he was walking to a 7/11 , I walked behind him and as I got to the Mcdonalds gas station areas I got this sudden cut in my chest of anxiety like he wasn’t going to talk to me. I went forward and caught up to him. I said hello I’m anonymous nice to meet you what’s your name, he said anonymous, I asked him what’s his nationality, he said Hawaiian, I told him about how I thought he looked Asian, he said they’re somewhat similar nationalities, I asked his age and I left. I’m tearing crying posting this right now, that’s what gets me going
Viewing adversity as an opportunity. Some of the greatest things in my life were borne out of adversity. That and taking the time to seek out and enjoy the small things that bring you happiness.
My Kid firstly.
Second life is for the living. So I persevere to see what happens.
Life’s an adventure. And what’s an adventure with out some setbacks?
I say this after many tough life events life being fired / terminated out of the blue, divorce, leaving a toxic relationship, deaths in the family… etc.
Finding the next great thing. Plant leaf about to open? Songbirds singing? Rainbow? Sometimes you have to look for your next happy. Sometimes, you have to create it by being kind to others when you’re feeling your lowest.
So I have a sentimental reason and a darkly funny one. Sentimental – my cat Suki. She is a sweetheart who stays by my side whenever I’m suffering, and once in one of my darkest moments, I was crying and she stood beside me, and I promised her, “I will never leave you alone, Suki.” And I will not let her down and break my promise to her.
The darkly funny one is something I took from a podcast I love, “God Awful Movies.” One of the podcasters, Eli Bosnick, said once that in his darkest moments, when his suicidal tendencies are at their most pronounced, what keeps him going is that these people haven’t killed themselves yet, so he can’t either. He was talking about the absolute batshit Christian nationalists who make the shitty movies GAM reviews, but it was inspirational to me. There are fascists and Ben Shapiro fans and other assholes out there who think they’re doing a great job, and as long as they keep going, I have to. As Eli said, “Them first, then me.” XP
The hope that there will be a better day soon, one that brings me joy I have yet to feel adding to my experience in some unknown way that I haven’t experienced before.
I remind myself that my issues are nothing new and what with time and effort, at least as much effort that I can take given the situation, and what’s tough today is yesterday’s lesson learned and forward I go on.
I keep telling myself it’s “a phase” that I’m going through and it’ll pass eventually. When I was unemployed even on my worst days I’d say “someones going to have to hire me eventually!” And guess what? They did!
Even in my worst moments, I think about all those people who were deprived of ever getting the chance to keep going forward, and I try to think about what they’d do if they could. If I could play death and offer them one extra day, what would they want to do now that they are at the end. Suddenly those hard days feel a little easier when I remember what a gift they were to have at all. It’s easy to focus on the tough stuff because my brain thinks that is how it is going to survive this, but I think letting yourself forget to focus on the things that make life beautiful is the way you make it unsurvivable.
It sounds stupid, but sometimes you gotta have some nostalgia for today while you are still living it. You gotta imagine yourself 10, 20, 50 years older, waking up in your current life, and trying to recognize how incredible things are. That person you love is still easily reached with a quick phone call, your body still moves like it is 2025! That realization that at any time you can just get up and go find a beautiful moment even when the whole world feels like it is collapsing around you.
Gonna sound callous here, but outside of extreme grief, loss or injury, I feel sorry for people who endlessly complain that “life is hard.”
I pride myself on never acting like that and my ability to endure and always find a way to win even when the odds are against me. Put me anywhere on god’s green earth, I’ll triple my worth.
As a suicide survivor, (I was found by my mailman in cardiac arrest 36h after intentionally committing suicide alone on NYE) I had to learn to be grateful for all the good AND all the trauma and negative outcomes in daily life by myself.
Choosing to live for yourself, out of pure love for life and the joy for the small, beautiful moments and details that occur dozens of times a day is how I survive.
Being absolutely grateful for my Second Chance Life while acknowledging there will always be challenges daily, mental health triggers, stress etc but none of those things is worth being miserable, hateful, living in regret or despair ever again.
Punishing myself (and others) with negativity is no way to live in this incredible world where anything is possible and so many hopes and dreams can be accomplished by just choosing to be grateful for living and just doing what makes you truly feel happy.
Joy and hope always win over negativity if you make it your focus.
My cat and dog (Lando and Chorizo). Yeah, I know I have my small extended family (who is very supportive of me), but I do it because my furry kiddos need me to keep going… And the love they give me makes it all worth it….
My kids, no question. At least they keep me working and earning at the level I’m at. If it weren’t for my kids, I know – for a fact – that I would be a 50+ year old bartender in Key West, eking out a living on the day shifts because I would be too drunk to work the night shifts, nursing my diabetes and wondering where it all went wrong.
Amazing story, it’s an epic adventure with tragedy and comedy. Been reading that story for 15+ years. I had ups and downs with it and it’s been a constant
Depression faces many of us that have led lives of severe abuse. I lean to the light left in me and live for my family and friends, for I am a rock for the majority of them. I do not have the luxury of death, for I would leave too much destruction in my absence.
Stubborness. Orneriness. Call it what you will but this great big chip forms on my shoulder when times get tough and it says , “fuck this, I’m tougher than anything life can throw at me.”
Comments
alcohol
I can’t die & leave my beloved babies,
So I have to fight on.
My family and friends
What else am I gonna do? Die?
love
Hope that it will get better. It always does.
My cats and a bit of hope that things could get better, but mostly my cats.
Family and Purpose. And I will surely look up to watch a football match on the weekend 😁
I’ve really struggled with depression over the years, but I have a lot of things I want to do in my life and people I want to do them with. Whenever the topic of suicide or self harm comes up, I always say that I’m not interested in that because I’ve got shit to do – and it’s true.
My family
That it can end at any minute.
My Kids are the only thing keeping me around.
Knowing I survived every other bad day, even if I feel like I wasn’t ready.
Sleeping
My family
Running often like Forrest Gump taught me
I have a girlfriend who I have been with for over 6 years but when I think about what I would be leaving behind- it’s always the thought of my cat looking for me, not knowing where I went or when I’ll be back and not understanding that I’m gone that breaks my heart the most.
gym and music
Life is a roller coaster, there will be highs and lows. Sometimes the dips & valley’s last a while, but I know that it’s worth it to get through it, because there will be another high.
The knowledge that I never know how much time I have left
Compartmentalizing
I’m a distance runner. If it weren’t for running.. idk.. I’d be screwed when life gets tough.
I can’t die before my mother; I can’t leave her all alone. ☹️. Once she’s gone, I don’t care if I die at that point.
Knowing that things will be different – maybe in a couple hours, maybe tomorrow, or next week, or in a few months…. but eventually, things will change.
I have no other choice?
Music picks me up or I relate to the subject and realize I’m not alone.
I think about giving my dog kisses, she’s so cute
My NEVER give up attitude and mentality
Jesus Christ!
Mushrooms and my kids
Writing. MUSIC. Weed 😭
There’s nothing to motivate us, we just have to be patient
Wine and cheese. Preferably both at the same time.
My children.
The fact that we don’t have a high enough life insurance plan on me for my family to be taken care of without me. And that my kids and my husband need me.
I have a life. What is yet to come can be amazing. Let’s find out.
Because I might as well try to do things, can’t try things when I’m dead. Fuck it, why not?
My family. I do everything for them.
Humour. When I start joking around and doing anything to make other people laugh, I’m going through some shit I can’t talk about and laughter is the best way I handle difficulties.
It used to be my dog, because who would love her like I do if I’m gone?
Now, it’s my kids. Who else will show them the best things in life?
They keep making new Star Wars so I guess I’ll keep living
The unknowing of the afterlife, at least while I’m on this side of the grass I know it’s shitty and sucks.
That I know it will eventually get better
My daughter and my dogs
Exercise
I’ve struggled with depression for many years. Here are somethings that keep me going. I keep myself going because, at the end of the day, it’ll be me who is there for me. My parents also keep me going, and I want to help them when they get older. Not all of us are fortunate enough to be well off in life. This last one is kind of a double edged sword. I know that when things get tough, it’s only temporary, but I also know it’ll come back. Depression is like a rollercoaster and what comes up must come down and vice versa.
My kids. They’re all I have now.
My lovely wife. My beautiful daughter. I have responsibilities. I can’t leave them.
I saw an Asian man walking on the street he looked sinister wearing a neat jacket, I started following him.. I was curious, thinking silly things about his ethnicity, he was walking to a 7/11 , I walked behind him and as I got to the Mcdonalds gas station areas I got this sudden cut in my chest of anxiety like he wasn’t going to talk to me. I went forward and caught up to him. I said hello I’m anonymous nice to meet you what’s your name, he said anonymous, I asked him what’s his nationality, he said Hawaiian, I told him about how I thought he looked Asian, he said they’re somewhat similar nationalities, I asked his age and I left. I’m tearing crying posting this right now, that’s what gets me going
The MC1R gene.
You can only go forward.
Hope, there’s no reason to give up when tomorrow could be asteroid day
Spite.
Music, always music
I love to eat can’t eat if I’m dead
Spite and sometimes a sprinkle of rage, but mostly spite.
My wife
My beloved dog.
The affection of my little bird. Helps a lot! Also focussing on what is actually going well in my life. Not much but at least there are some things!
I need to outlive Donald Trump and Bitch McConnell.
Love (my husband and friends), my dog, meditation, and nature.
Viewing adversity as an opportunity. Some of the greatest things in my life were borne out of adversity. That and taking the time to seek out and enjoy the small things that bring you happiness.
Exercise. It allows me to be in the moment and forget about problems for a while. Then it makes happy chemicals in the brain.
Today during the worst part of my day at work, I sang the Sesame Street theme song in my head, that seemed to do it
My Kid firstly.
Second life is for the living. So I persevere to see what happens.
Life’s an adventure. And what’s an adventure with out some setbacks?
I say this after many tough life events life being fired / terminated out of the blue, divorce, leaving a toxic relationship, deaths in the family… etc.
I do my best to stay positive though.
Finding the next great thing. Plant leaf about to open? Songbirds singing? Rainbow? Sometimes you have to look for your next happy. Sometimes, you have to create it by being kind to others when you’re feeling your lowest.
Lack of imagination.
Definitely my pets they get me through everything
I love baseball. Even when my team is playing less than ideal, it still is awesome. So, when everything else sucks, baseball is fantastic.
we get to be here not have to be here. However bad things get there’s nothing better to do, literally…the alternative is nothing.
My cats.
Pure spite against terrible people. I refuse to let them win.
The thought that no matter how bad things get, they can always be worse.
No where to run
I see people who are in a worse off condition and be grateful for what I have. Never ever compare yourself with people who are better off!
the doctors worked so hard to give me the future i deserve, i can’t let them down
Being bad is a normal and healthy reaction to bad situations.
It will go away when your situation improves. And most bad situations are temporary.
My dog.
My desire to outlive the people I hate
Still alive might as well make the best of it
So I have a sentimental reason and a darkly funny one. Sentimental – my cat Suki. She is a sweetheart who stays by my side whenever I’m suffering, and once in one of my darkest moments, I was crying and she stood beside me, and I promised her, “I will never leave you alone, Suki.” And I will not let her down and break my promise to her.
The darkly funny one is something I took from a podcast I love, “God Awful Movies.” One of the podcasters, Eli Bosnick, said once that in his darkest moments, when his suicidal tendencies are at their most pronounced, what keeps him going is that these people haven’t killed themselves yet, so he can’t either. He was talking about the absolute batshit Christian nationalists who make the shitty movies GAM reviews, but it was inspirational to me. There are fascists and Ben Shapiro fans and other assholes out there who think they’re doing a great job, and as long as they keep going, I have to. As Eli said, “Them first, then me.” XP
Blue skies with fluffy white clouds.
Short skirts.
Cheese.
I’m too much coward to kill myself.
The hope that there will be a better day soon, one that brings me joy I have yet to feel adding to my experience in some unknown way that I haven’t experienced before.
Keeping shit simple and not giving a fuck about anyone’s expectations.
My wife and kids.
God
We’re gonna die one day, might as well fight till the end
The saying that this too shall pass
Copious amounts of music and cocaine
I remind myself that my issues are nothing new and what with time and effort, at least as much effort that I can take given the situation, and what’s tough today is yesterday’s lesson learned and forward I go on.
A cat.
That I can’t die cause my sisters would be sad
Donald Trump is 79 years old. Which means statistically he could drop dead at any moment. This thought really helps me when I’m feeling down.
Spite.
Labatt Blue
Nothing. I just don’t die.
my vision of a happy family and life
Gramps always said “take a dump, you’ll feel better”
He’s been right every time
My spouse and my two little doggies who really love and need me.
Wine. Preferably the Bold Reds.
I have dogs that need to eat. I’d rather not die on them and have them resort to eating my face for nourishment.
Plus I still need to beat the new Assassin’s Creed game.
I keep telling myself it’s “a phase” that I’m going through and it’ll pass eventually. When I was unemployed even on my worst days I’d say “someones going to have to hire me eventually!” And guess what? They did!
Death is quite permanent, and my money hasn’t vaporised yet.
Even in my worst moments, I think about all those people who were deprived of ever getting the chance to keep going forward, and I try to think about what they’d do if they could. If I could play death and offer them one extra day, what would they want to do now that they are at the end. Suddenly those hard days feel a little easier when I remember what a gift they were to have at all. It’s easy to focus on the tough stuff because my brain thinks that is how it is going to survive this, but I think letting yourself forget to focus on the things that make life beautiful is the way you make it unsurvivable.
It sounds stupid, but sometimes you gotta have some nostalgia for today while you are still living it. You gotta imagine yourself 10, 20, 50 years older, waking up in your current life, and trying to recognize how incredible things are. That person you love is still easily reached with a quick phone call, your body still moves like it is 2025! That realization that at any time you can just get up and go find a beautiful moment even when the whole world feels like it is collapsing around you.
Gonna sound callous here, but outside of extreme grief, loss or injury, I feel sorry for people who endlessly complain that “life is hard.”
I pride myself on never acting like that and my ability to endure and always find a way to win even when the odds are against me. Put me anywhere on god’s green earth, I’ll triple my worth.
My husband.
Satisfaction of needs
Fear of dying and the idea of a firey afterlife is the only reason I’m still here cause otherwise I would have been extinct years ago
Obligation.
Fear of death.
Annoying pig headedness and a general sense of curiosity to see what happens next after all you’ve already dealt with the worst day of your life
Can’t do anything that would hurt my dad. He was strong for me my whole life, now it’s my turn.
Gotta find out what the One Piece is
Beer
can’t break my parents’ hearts like that. no parent should have to bury their kid
As a suicide survivor, (I was found by my mailman in cardiac arrest 36h after intentionally committing suicide alone on NYE) I had to learn to be grateful for all the good AND all the trauma and negative outcomes in daily life by myself.
Choosing to live for yourself, out of pure love for life and the joy for the small, beautiful moments and details that occur dozens of times a day is how I survive.
Being absolutely grateful for my Second Chance Life while acknowledging there will always be challenges daily, mental health triggers, stress etc but none of those things is worth being miserable, hateful, living in regret or despair ever again.
Punishing myself (and others) with negativity is no way to live in this incredible world where anything is possible and so many hopes and dreams can be accomplished by just choosing to be grateful for living and just doing what makes you truly feel happy.
Joy and hope always win over negativity if you make it your focus.
Taking care of my family. Protecting the ones I love and value.
My son
Drugs. The good ones obviously.
Knowing the amount of lives that would be severely impacted if I wasn’t around.
My daughter
I remind myself that I have to be better than my asshole father. Helps a lot. Hate is passion
My cat and dog (Lando and Chorizo). Yeah, I know I have my small extended family (who is very supportive of me), but I do it because my furry kiddos need me to keep going… And the love they give me makes it all worth it….
Not having a choice
My two cats, they’ve honestly saved me more times than I’d like to admit
Coffee and energetic.
I’m an eternal optimist. Plus, I have a wife and two grown children that I love with all my heart 🙂
My kids, no question. At least they keep me working and earning at the level I’m at. If it weren’t for my kids, I know – for a fact – that I would be a 50+ year old bartender in Key West, eking out a living on the day shifts because I would be too drunk to work the night shifts, nursing my diabetes and wondering where it all went wrong.
I been tougher than life for 40 years in a row baby, that ain’t changing today.
Tomorrow
My chinchilla is tiny and adorable. There’s so much cuteness I need to experience.
I repeat what grandma taught me – “Nothing lasts forever. Not even the bad times.”
The One Piece.
Amazing story, it’s an epic adventure with tragedy and comedy. Been reading that story for 15+ years. I had ups and downs with it and it’s been a constant
Music
Obstinacy and hate.
I have gym in the morning. I can’t miss that
Hope.
Ive died enough in my nightmares voluntarily now i cant rage quit i have to see how it ends
The fear of missing out, also my family
Music and a nice smell in pussy I can bury my face in. 😏
Coffee and trance 🥰
Vengeance
I want to see how bad Bethesda screws up ES6
Knowing I have it better than most
The principles of Wing Chun
My pets.
Depression faces many of us that have led lives of severe abuse. I lean to the light left in me and live for my family and friends, for I am a rock for the majority of them. I do not have the luxury of death, for I would leave too much destruction in my absence.
Responsibilities
I wonder too…
My 2 Nieces and nephew. Always amazes me is how low life can get, but just being around them makes me feel at peace.
kids
My cats
Stubborness. Orneriness. Call it what you will but this great big chip forms on my shoulder when times get tough and it says , “fuck this, I’m tougher than anything life can throw at me.”
And that’s the damn truth.
Gym, music, redbull and cigs