Okay you all. You were so helpfully a few months ago when I sought advice about my dad moving into senior living. Welp, most of my concerns have come true.
The great news is we don’t have to worry about food messes b/c he eats all meals in the dining hall. He has major problems with hygiene. He refuses to wear disposable underwear. This is a major problem. My family and I have addressed this with him. He has a cushion on his dining room chair he pees on. I switch out the cushion with a clean one and take the dirty one home to wash.
He misses the toilet when he pees and it is disgusting. Then his walker goes through it and tracks urine around the apartment . I’ve been there when he hasn’t made it to the toilet and he’s left a puddle on the bathroom floor He didn’t clean it up. I know he’s not taking regular showers b/c I note how many washcloths are in the shower. He’s not changing his clothes frequently as I can see how many pants are in his dirty clothes. I take all his wash to my place and launder it and bring it back to him.
I’m going to jump to the conclusion that he is peeing on himself, not showering and wearing the same clothes. Hygiene has never been something that concerned him. This behavior isn’t surprising.
He does have disposable underwear at his place.
I have no idea what to do next. I have an appointment for him with a NP who specializes in geriatrics. Any other suggestions?
TL;DR. My dad is in independent care, has poor hygiene and urinates on himself
Edit/vent My dad had been living by himself until moving into the place. I had talked to my sister that I didn’t think it was the right level of care but evidently I’m a bit of a pessimist.
Comments
You may have to bump up to assisted living. Have to NP assess for dementia. Poor hygiene, incontinence and not wanting to shower are all hallmarks of dementia.
For a couple years before she died, my MIL would wear the same clothes several days in a row, wouldn’t take a bath or at least bathe off. She couldn’t smell herself, so her daughters had to do “tough love” with her. If she was staying home it wouldn’t have been so bad.
I think its a tough part of having an aged parent. And if your dad is like she was, he doesn’t like his kids telling him what to do.
My thoughts are with you.
Ask his PCP about a condom catheter. He may not wear it and he’ll probably need help emptying the bag but it’s worth a try. I think they’re even sold OTC.
Assisted living probably best
Agree on having his care stepped up to Assisted living with his potty problems. We had to remove all of our dad’s regular “tighty whiteys” from his room and had only the depends for him to wear. Our dad would fight us on issues as we “didn’t know what it was like living there” but if his doctor or the head med tech told him the same thing then he was fine with it. Maybe a doctor appointment to discuss his lack of hygiene may help, he’s going to have a helluva rash or infection from peeing himself, our dad did, cuz he would only change his depends 1x a day… yes he had some dementia. Good luck, unfortunately it most likely will get worse, but if he can move into a higher level of care, your work load may lessen as the aides take on more.
Assisted living. He is incontinent and the senior homes going to want him out. Do they have an attached assisted living he can go to?
For my MIL with dementia, we took ALL her underwear and replaced it with Depends. She had previously used Poise pads but she was forgetting to use them, was using them upside down or on the wrong side of her underwear. When she asked about her underwear I just said “oh, these are JUST like your Poise pads except they are BUILT in”. No mention of “diaper” or anything else. I just called it her new underwear.
But when it got to the level of your Dad, she moved into Memory Care.
He’s not properly placed. He needs assisted living- where they can address and support him with all the issues you are seeing.
It’s time for assisted living. TBH it’s w matter of time before the facility tells you he’s not safe with that level of care.
Does he have a urinary tract infection? In the elderly it can cause dementia like symptoms.
Your dad needs assisted living. Also. – just substitute the pull-ups for. His underwear. Pull it out of the package and fold it like his regular underwear. My dad got to the point where he didn’t know the difference between real underwear and pull-ups. Assisted living will give him a bath twice a week and assist with dressing and cleaning (weekly) as well.
Is his issue with the inderwear that he considers them diapers? Amazon has washable incontinence underwear for men that look like real underwear. I use them for my father
Regarding the shower is he afraid of falling. Can you afford an aide a few hours a day to help him?
Yes he needs to be in assisted living asap. He has no business living alone. My grandpa had dementia and this is what he started off doing. Also he probably needs depends underwear.
Suggest finding a reputable place where he can age in place and definitely with a memory care. Next step is most
likely assisted living and his care level will be assessed and he will be charged accordingly . Do your research as not all care facilities are as they may appear.
Time for AL (assisted living) maybe. Is the facility where he is able to move him into AL?
Maybe a hand held urinal. If he has the urge and can’t make it to the toilet fast enough, grabbing the hand held one can help. I know a guy who has that urge to go but can’t hold back the urge. The hand held one helps a lot. He has one in his bedroom and one downstairs and one in his basement. His doctor offered no meds or remedies.