I (F23) have been in a relationship with this guy (M24) for about 4 years now. Every other aspect of our relationship is great, we live together and have pets, my family loves him and his family loves me, we don’t argue basically ever.
Lately though I can feel him sorta questioning if I do love him because I tend to reject sex a lot (I’m also a student pursuing a very stressful degree and have a stressful job, sex is just not a priority to me) and I usually only give him a bj on his bday, never give him hand jobs or anything. I don’t know how to phrase that I just don’t like dicks without hurting his feelings or thinking it’s him specifically.
No I am not a lesbian, I do like women but I equally like men. My celeb crush has been Ian Somerhalder since I watched the vampire diaries when I was 13, I find him super sexy, but would I ever want to see his dick? Absolutely not. Maybe it’s because I have a vagina and it’s what I’m comfortable with, even tho it’s an internal organ vs external which is arguably grosser, there’s just something about a penis that disgusts me. I don’t like the shape, taste, smell nor do I like cum or balls, and I don’t want it anywhere near my mouth or my hands. I feel terrible because my bf has to beg for a bj and I still reject him because just thinking of it makes me gag, and the one time he came in my mouth I had to physically fight the urge to puke and force myself to swallow, I don’t think I’ve done anything grosser in my life than swallow (and I work in a hospital), I was genuinely repulsed. I envy women who find penises fascinating or hot or women who love to give bjs, I wish I could make him feel special but it’s like asking someone with a spider phobia to hold a spider.
Idk what to do🫠 I just can’t get over it. I tell myself “this is the day you’re going to surprise him and do something for him” and I never follow through because I just can’t get over it.
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I think honesty is your only option here, and maybe just show him this post, because you explain yourself well. How are you about sex? If he understands your feelings and you are a willing participant in intercourse, things could work out, but sexual compatibility is extremely important for a stable relationship, especially at your ages.
Don’t count out being gay until you’ve thoroughly read through the Am I a Lesbian Masterdoc
I don’t want to slap a label on you, but it sounds like you’re asexual.
How are the other aspects of your sex life? If you are sexually attracted to each other and can engage in other acts where it doesn’t have to be near your mouth or hands then I think this relationship is absolutely salvageable. However as others said, the best thing to do is be honest about how blow jobs/hand jobs are not enjoyable at all and come to some kind of agreement
You might hate me for saying this….but maybe you don’t like men sexually. I was the same way. I think men can be attractive, funny, sweet, and have given me butterflies and yadayada. But now I think i just enjoy them as friends and I used to like them bc it felt normal. But when I first had a relationship with a woman, everything changed and I no longer found men sexually attracted after knowing how I feel about women. Or maybe I’m completely wrong about ur situation, but I just wanted to share my experience.
I am bisexual and really enjoy PIV but I also find dicks gross, hate oral, etc. It can just be a preference thing. BJs aren’t a required sexual act if you don’t like them.
Lesbian Masterdoc and then go to pride after lmao
your relationship is doomed. sorry. 🙁
How do you feel about vaginas? You can think men are attractive but not be into them sexually. I think the same way and have realized that I’m just into women sexually.
I don’t think I could stay with a girl who didn’t want to have sex with me and found my genitals disgusting..
I feel the same way honestly. Married 5 years, together 7, and we have made 3 kids together. We’ve worked through it a looooot over the years bc like you, I came from a family where that wasn’t a topic you discussed besides when it was a specific abstinence pushing conversation. I am very aware of my attraction to women and if we ever separated would not date/be with men again most likely. He was a wild child who got around quite a bit when we were younger so very opposites but he’s been very understanding about my feelings and really brought me out of my shell and found ways for both of us to enjoy the experience. I still openly think pensises are nasty and I do what I do for him out of love, and sometimes I just can’t. Opening up to him was a huge step and I silently hated our sex life for too long before I finally fessed up, and honestly it changed our relationship so much. He wasn’t upset or angry, he was more worried about me thinking we had to break up bc of it. So my advice is just be open and honest.
I don’t have anything major to add apart from a lot of sapphic people have some form of attraction to “unobtainable” and “fictional” men. It’s because they’re safe and you will never have to deal with them. Fantasy! I like to say that I’m bisexual in the way that I like women and Joseph Quinn.
You could try therapy? You clearly love and care for him. But at the same time, you can’t force yourself to enjoy something you just don’t enjoy. (Props to swallowing though, the first time I had cum in my mouth it came straight back out just as fast. Sorry Leigh.)
Been on the other side of the story. It feels like hell.
When you love your partner so much, you tend to care about their opinion a lot. Even if they do not say it out loud, you feel the resentment, the distance and disgust towards one’s private parts.
It’s not about declining sex anymore, it’s far worse.
Slowly but surely, you begin to adopt the same views. It starts with spending less time in front of the mirror. Discomfort creeps in during masturbation, like a bad aura. Eventually, it ends in a wave of disgust at the moment of orgasm. You can’t stand what’s happening down there. Your partner avoids looking at you, avoids touching you—so you just clean up and get dressed as quickly as possible.
This person is supposed to love you as much as you love them. While you want to give them the world, they don’t even feel comfortable with touching 100% you.
Do your boyfriend a favor: tell him the truth and set him free.
It would absolutely devastate me if I found out my girlfriend/spouse was disgusted by my genitals. Your boyfriend deserves to be with someone who desires him sexually and you deserve to be with someone who is okay with not being sexually desired.
As others have said, sex is an important aspect of a relationship. I have been in his position before and it can push someone away. He shouldn’t have to beg, nor should you feel like you have to give in. You both deserve to have a relationship that is fulfilling. I’d suggest have a serious conversation and deciding what the future actually looks like for both of you. You don’t want to hit the “roommate” phase.
The good news is that you’re both young. Going your separate ways will hurt, but both of you will be happier in the long run. But always sit down and talk it out. As another comment said, writing it out can really help. I hope it works out!
I was like this before I met my husband. I honestly thought I was a lesbian. Like legitimately had to take some time to reflect. Turns out I wasn’t genuinely attracted to the men I was with before him. I love the way his looks, feels, smells, tastes now. Before, I couldn’t even look at one without feeling the ick.
I totally agree T-T like the process ig is good but the thought of like thinking na it’s inserted inside me huhu and the cum… ugh nooo
You aint alone on this one, only difference is im a male. I just can’t man, it makes me feel like I’m using them and it just feel disgusting. I’d rather feel the warmth of a hug, soft feel of a kiss or just a classic hand hold. It shouldn’t be like “if i dont have sex with him/her, him/her wont love me” it should be like “my love language is affection and he/her should get that.”
I hate to tell you this, but you are not sexually compatible with your boyfriend and you’re not going to last much longer. His resentment and confusion will fester until it explodes. Figure yourself out and tell him the honest truth. You are being quite selfish stringing him along because it sounds like sex is an important aspect of his life that you’re stealing from him.
I’m just gonna say that I think you’re a lesbian, if you’re feeling this way and it’s just as strong then perhaps you need to go about looking for a relationship with a woman.
I dated a girl that we connected similarly but after a while she came out to me. You’re going to hurt people’s feelings unfortunately with some decisions and actions made, but it seems you have a heart of gold.
I’d consider really heavily thinking about it and if you make a decision on it, talk to him face to face and be honest.