I’m a male and a university student, so is the victim (f) and the assailant (M). The victim is my ex whom I’m still friends with, and the assailant has been my friend since 8 months back. 7 months ago I heard he was a bit gropy with a girl but didn’t think much of it (at the time), since that girl didn’t make a big fuss then. (I know….)
So my ex recently came to me in tears and asked me what to do. This ”friend” of mine had raped her at a party. I asked many questions to make sure it was true. The nail in the coffin was how jumpy she was (psycological cues).
To give context, me and my best friend (another guy) are the ”social kings” of our friend group and have a lot of pull. My question for you guys is this:
Tomorrow my best friend will be informed of our mutual ”friend’s” crimes. Should I go up to this rapist and tell him to his face that I don’t want anything to do with him and that he’s not welcome anymore in my vicinity (i.e parties, study groups etc.), or silently ostrasize him from his whole friend group.
Comments
Just get him arrested. That will send the proper message. If your ex doesn’t want to press charges, then confront him openly and make sure as many people as you can see what he is.
Well, confronting him directly seems like the correct course of action, it’s definitely the right call, and even though I’m probably going to mess up something else entirely soon, at least we’re doing the right thing here… plus, I’m absolutely certain your ex will appreciate the support and boundary setting, and while I’m still learning to navigate these situations, I hope it brings some peace of mind knowing you’re doing your best
“that girl didn’t make a big fuss then” ?? don’t connote it like that. the words “big fuss” js don’t sit with me.
Hell yeah, confront him, you gotta call it out. That feeling when you find out someone’s messed up on that level? It’s like your gut just knots up and won’t untangle. But plot twist, what if all his “friends” turn out to be just as scuzzy, enabling this dude’s sick behavior the whole time?