I don’t really know where to begin. It feels like I’ve been stuck in this loop for as long as I can remember. Not good enough to be noticed, not bad enough to be helped. Just… average. In everything.
Academics? Average. Looks? Average. Social life? Non-existent. I’m not the person people hate. I’m just the person they don’t notice.
Every time I try something new, I hope, maybe this is it. Maybe this is where I stand out, where I shine. But I just end up being mid there too. I’ve never excelled at anything. I’m always surrounded by people who are better, faster, smarter, funnier—more everything.
I constantly overthink. My mind spins up fake arguments, imaginary failures, possible embarrassments. I’ll have days when I’m okay, when I feel like maybe there’s hope… but then it crashes. The relief never lasts. It always comes back to the same hollow thought: I wish I was never born.
It’s not about wanting attention. I’m not fishing for pity. I just feel useless—like a background character in a movie that’s not even mine. I’ve tried talking to people, but no one really gets it. Or they brush it off with “You’re being too hard on yourself” like that magically makes it go away.
I’m tired of being told to be grateful, or to “just think positive.” I’m tired of pretending I’m okay. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not looking for advice—I just needed to scream into the void. Maybe someone out there gets it.
Thanks for reading.
Comments
I’m sorry you are feeling this way! I don’t usually post on this sub but I noticed your post.
For what it’s worth ppl may be great at things in your eye but it could have taken them many hours for them to reach that level. I’ve always wanted to learn the piano, when I started in 2019 I was below average I promise you, but I’m way better at it now.
Is there something that you enjoy doing? Being “average” right off the bat is a great starting point. I wish I was average at some things. With enough practice I’m sure you can and will shine! I’ve seen ppl practice things they were not naturally gifted at and they’ve blown me away.
I’m sorry you feel useless. One thing I like to do in person or even online is give ppl genuine compliments. I know it sounds so small but maybe seeing how ppl can light up from your words will help you feel differently. It’s feels really rewarding.
I also was going to rejoin the Big Little program I did in high school, which I would recommend if you have time to give that a try. It’s where you spend time mentoring high school or middle school kids. I’ve gone no contact with my family for my own health and figured this would help with my loneliness.
If you’d like to maybe try some mindful meditation. I think it would help to break your brains habit of overthinking. I know you weren’t looking for advice but wanted you to know someone heard you.
Start comparing yourself to “having it worse” people. Start volunteering in food banks, in homeless shelters. That, perhaps, will make you realise you are not having it bad at all. No kidding. Just go and do it. Gain a perspective.
There is one genius for every generation. One beauty for every generation. No wonder it’s not us, duh.