Hi everyone, I (f22) got scolded (yup) for putting a gift from my sil (f26) in the back of my closet and I genuinely do not know if I deserved to get told off or not.
I’m a huge Formula 1 fan, but I haven’t invested in merch because I can’t justify paying for something I probably won’t actually wear. My brother (32) got married last year and my sil is the sweetest person ever who loves gift giving, but she is a bit stubborn.
I.e. Last year she bought me an F1 sweatshirt that was way too big for me (I wear small and she bought a men’s large) because “girls love oversized stuff” (my brother had warned her that it would be too big and that I don’t wear baggy clothes). It’s a white sweatshirt and I don’t want to get it dirty, so I have it hung in the front of my closet as something pretty to look at and appreciate. I didn’t say anything about the sizing to her, I let it be.
This time, she bought me a hat of the team that is the rival of my favourite team. I know it’s just a sport but I despise this team and make it known. Again, I didn’t say anything and I even sat it on my desk for a few days until I needed the space and put it in the back of my closet with the rest of my hats. Apparently she overheard me offerring it to one of my friend’s who actually likes that team and she cried to my brother and mom about it. I wasn’t actively trying to pawn it off, I just mentioned that I now possessed one and that if they truly, they could have it.
My parents and brother all gave me a lecture about how I should have appreciated the gift, but what about her acting on a whim (I know this sounds immature)? My brother told me that he was with her and they weren’t fully sure, so she just picked up what she thought was prettiest (it’s an orange hat?). He told her to wait to be sure, but she insisted that it was probably this team because the drivers are both young and popular, so I’d probably like it anyway. Even my dad initially told my brother that they couldn’t have picked a worse piece of merch to give me. I feel like this was all avoidable if she had listened to my brother or even me when I said that I do not want F1 merch (she has seen me look at merch and put it away).
Again, I genuinely wasn’t mad about the merch, but I’m really annoyed about getting told off now. Aita?
Edit: Apparently I excluded a lot.
When I offered the hat to my friend, I was on call with my headphones in my room with the door locked. The only way she could have heard this conversation is if she was outside my door. I think she was going downstairs and passed my door and that is how she heard it because her room is on the other side of the house. I wouldn’t have made a show in front of her of giving it to someone else. Plus she has given me gifts I’ve loved and used a lot, it’s just the ones I don’t use, I still get flack for. In some of these cases, I tried to exchange them, but she’s very emotional and I’ve been told to just leave it be.
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Hi everyone, I (f22) got scolded (yup) for putting a gift from my sil (f26) in the back of my closet and I genuinely do not know if I deserved to get told off or not.
I’m a huge Formula 1 fan, but I haven’t invested in merch because I can’t justify paying for something I probably won’t actually wear. My brother (32) got married last year and my sil is the sweetest person ever who loves gift giving, but she is a bit stubborn.
I.e. Last year she bought me an F1 sweatshirt that was way too big for me (I wear small and she bought a men’s large) because “girls love oversized stuff” (my brother had warned her that it would be too big and that I don’t wear baggy clothes). It’s a white sweatshirt and I don’t want to get it dirty, so I have it hung in the front of my closet as something pretty to look at and appreciate. I didn’t say anything about the sizing to her, I let it be.
This time, she bought me a hat of the team that is the rival of my favourite team. Again, I didn’t say anything and I even sat it on my desk for a few days until I needed the space and put it in the back of my closet with the rest of my hats. Apparently she overheard me offerring it to one of my friend’s who actually likes that team and she cried to my brother and mom about it. I wasn’t actively trying to pawn it off, I just mentioned that I now possessed one and that if they truly, they could have it.
My parents and brother all gave me a lecture about how I should have appreciated the gift, but what about her acting on a whim (I know this sounds immature)? My brother told me that he was with her and they weren’t fully sure, so she just picked up what she thought was prettiest (it’s an orange hat?). He told her to wait to be sure, but she insisted that it was probably this team because the drivers are both young and popular. Even my dad initially told my brother that they couldn’t have picked a worse piece of merch to give me. I feel like this was all avoidable if she had listened to my brother or even me when I said that I do not want F1 merch (she has seen me look at merch and put it away).
Again, I genuinely wasn’t mad about the merch, but I’m really annoyed about getting told off now. Aita?
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I want to know if I was wrong for putting the hat in my closet and offering it to a friend because it hurt my sil’s feelings and made her cry.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Once a gift is given, it is yours to do with what you want. You can display it somewhere, you can put it in the back of your closet, you can give it away. (However, if you choose to give a gift away, it’s probably best not to let the person who gave it to you know.)
You’ve told you SIL your preferences. Your brother told her your preferences. She didn’t listen. She got you what she wanted to give you without stopping to consider what you actually wanted. (Anyone who gifts sports items should at least know to figure out the recipient’s favorite team.) It shouldn’t come as a surprise to her that you put the things she got you in a closet after others told her you probably wouldn’t like them.
All you needed to do was be gracious and thank her for the gift. You did that. After that, you could do whatever you wanted with the item. NTA.
It’s a hard thing to do, but at some point you have to say, “Thank you so much. Would you mind if I exchanged it for my size? For an item from my favorite team?” Otherwise you’ll get a lifetime of gifts you don’t care for. Saying something now will not be as bad as her reaction when she finds all her gifts in the back of your closet.
This is a tough one. Why would you offer the hat to someone else when she could hear you? I would have at least worn the sweatshirt in front of her once or twice. Ultimately, you’re sending the message that you’re not grateful for the gifts, pretty obviously, so I’m going with YTA.
YTA
Only Slightly. It’s totally okay to offer your friend the hat you will never use. But you aren’t typically supposed to do it in front of the gift giver unless they are super cool laid back people. Some people take it as a sign of disrespect and others don’t care.
This is why I always give gift recipients. I’m expecting the person to return it 50% of the time.
You didn’t do it to be malicious. It seems like you didn’t know that some people would be offended by that. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
You’re NTA for putting it in the back of the closet. However offering to give away a gift you received to a friend of the gift giver is tacky. I wouldn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by letting them know I was giving away something they bought me.
However, with that said, she seems to act on impulse rather than gather info on what you’d really want. She actively buys you things you’ve said you’d prefer to not have. So, while she may be big into gift giving, she isn’t very good at it.
An app like Giftful may be a good solution. You can find various things you want and add it to lists. You’re able to select color and size, as well as add notes about the items. Then you send the link to people so they know what’s on your wishlist. I’ve had several people use my list and were really appreciative of it. People with the link to your list can see when someone marks an item purchased, which I was not able to see. Even if she is one of those people who doesn’t want a list because it’s not a “surprise” it may at least help her understand what you like better so she can get you something you’ll enjoy.
NTA for putting it in the back of your closet. What is the point of buying you F1 merch as a gift if she doesn’t know which team or driver you support? It’s just wasteful. Because if you have teams you like, obviously you’ll have teams you hate also. It’s like buying any Hamilton fan a Red Bull hat. Jeez.
You shouldn’t have offered to give it to your friend though – especially while she was around. That was pretty insensitive.
She’s picked a hill to die on, and you’re pointing out the fallacy of that. NTA.
ESH your SIL sounds unhinged, your parents suck (in this situation) and your brother sounds like he’s on a chain. You are the AH slightly because you should have refused the gift to begin with. That’s my thoughts. But I don’t know much about anything really.
NTA. Once’s it’s yours, you’re free to do what you want with it. I’ve always thought it was silly to hold onto things we don’t use, like or want just to spare someone’s feelings.
It might be worth a conversation with her to tell her what teams you do like so she isn’t loading you up on useless junk.
Nta.
What’s so awful about letting someone know they accidentally picked a rival team ?
If this was basketball, soccer or football, y’all would completely understand why it’s not just a hat !
It also shows that Sil hasn’t listened, she just knows you like F1.
The thought doesn’t count when it’s a thoughtless thought.
NTA for how you handled the gifts. You accepted bad gifts with grace. Well done.
But seriously, you despise McLaren? (Side note, make sure to tell her it’s not orange, it’s papaya.). Must be a Red Bull fan? Or Ferrari tifosi?
My husband is a die hard Mercedes fan. (I have no strong affiliation). Anyone who got him Red Bull gear who knew him would know it would get regifted. Perhaps your SIL needs this reminder that one, gifts become the property of the recipient, to do with as they like, and two, a good gift is something the recipient wants… Not something you think is pretty because it looks like a tropical fruit.
NTA. The giver’s control over the gift ends when the gift is received by the recipient. Recipients of gifts can do whatever they want to with the gift because it is now their property. Your SIL sounds immature and impulsive. Maybe she will learn now and actually listen to people instead of doing what she wants and then crying about it when someone doesn’t swoon over an orange hat, ffs.
Lando or max? Or maybe Albon since he’s got 13! Cats and is the nicest driver. But even my son who has been the greatest Lewis fan for over a decade, gets me signed my fav driver stuff from media days at races (and Lego!) would never ever get me a Hamilton hat since that’s not who I cheer for.
My philosophy, learned from my husband, is that a gift belongs to the recipient, and they can do what they want with it.
Your SIL is extremely insecure and in dire need of validation. It’s not your responsibility to cater to those