So I’m pretty young am a teen I’m an Adoptie myself and I’ve always had these thoughts and feelings but kept them to myself because Idk who to talk to about this or if people really would understand where I come from and I want your guy’s thoughts opinions and experiences or stories if you’d like to share I’m open to hearing different perspectives and this is also because I want to be heard too. So I guess I’d get a little mad or disappointed when people would want to have their own kids because most of the people that want their own kids these are the only reasons I’ve heard from them “I want to pass down my legacy!” “I want a kid that’s ACTUALLY mine” or “I want a biological child” etc those are things I’d hear from most people who rather have their own kids and get pregnant. I guess me being an Adoptie makes me have these views because i think about the children in Orphanages or foster care systems children that actually need a home children that age out of the foster care system and have no one and i can’t imagine that at all if it weren’t for my parents I’d be in the foster system and my thoughts are like this why? Just why do you want to have a child that’s your own?! When there are millions of children out there who need homes and loving parents the foster care system is messed up And Orphanages I don’t think are any better at all and the abuse the neglect ect that’s all I think about and I sympathize with those children they matter a lot as they should. I guess me being adopted myself made me have these views because I could have very well been one of those children in the foster system and I’m very grateful for the Adoptive parents that I have because they are my REAL Parents. This is just my view and yes I want to point out that Adoption itself is extremely difficult and expensive in itself too. So the question is Parents that did adopt or foster children why? What’s your reason? And parents that didn’t adopt or foster and had biological children why and what’s your reason?
EDIT 1-please I hope you parents understand where I’m coming from and at least help me understand and not be judgmental about this I’ve always had thoughts about this and it would make me emotional and sad so yeah.
EDIT 2- (don’t have to read either) I also do really care about Children in Orphanages And foster care systems and i genuinely really do care about them a lot so that too is also why I made the post.
EDIT 3- the adoption and fostering question is not just for infertile people the question is also for people who can have children too as well that’s why I put that
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I’m also an adoptee, there is a lot of nuance in the adoption world. Adopting a child from foster care and even infant adoption is very tough, there is a lot of trauma that comes with it, a lot of therapy, a lot of heartbreak. I mean if every parent could handle a child without trauma, not adopted, then they wouldn’t be in the foster care system. It really takes special people to adopt, people who are patient and can afford extra care for those with added trauma. My adopted parents were not trauma competent and even added further to my trauma that I’m dealing with as an adult. I have 3 biological kids, I wouldn’t imagine adopting unless a child came to me and needed it and I had the financial means to do so. But I hope I can be in the Big brother/sister program when my kids get older.
Hadn’t really considered adopting. Until an emergency foster ended up at my door. Was supposed to be temporary until another placement was found. But I wouldn’t give her back. Now here we are, one of the herd
Me and my husband struggle with infertility and it’s a constant steam of questions like “why don’t you foster or adopt?” “Why not try IVF?” but as the other commenter said they forget the nuance surrounding adoption and more so fostering when reunification should be the goal and it’s not always a good fit for infertile people, especially those like us who have lost a child. IVF is similar in where it’s very expensive and there’s a chance it won’t work which is heartbreak I’m not sure I could handle. I also have a SIL who chose to adopt multiple children so this conversation is difficult to have with my in laws because they are just as much apart of our family as the bio children… but my SIL and BIL have not lost a child and are in a more stable mental health space and financial place to provide an exceptionally good life. Me and my husband can’t make that same promise right now and it’s hard to explain to others who haven’t felt our grief. We’re currently in therapy just to figure out if and when adoption is right for us so just know this is a question that more people struggle with than others realize and I myself still need more therapy to get to an answer for my own life.
I’m an adoptee and I wanted a child with my blood for a number of reasons. The biggest one is that I didn’t want to cause the same hurt I experienced as a child.
I want both. I want to know what it feels like to be pregnant. It’s something I think every woman should get to experience if they want it.
I also want to adopt. My step dad raised me as his own from the age 5. I love him more than I can say.
I know that love exists and it isn’t determined by blood. I have a lot of love to give and I believe my husband and I will be wonderful parents (to the best of our abilities). My dad chose me as his. I want another child to know that they were so loved that I didn’t everything I could to make them mine.