I was with my ex who I will call Nate because if I’m being honest minus betraying a friend I was a Cassie
I don’t want to go to much into the details but for the last nine years I lost myself to Nate he was my world everything I did was for him, I helped him though depression, help get/keep his grades up even worked two jobs so he could focus on collage when his parents disowned him for nearly 3 years because they didn’t agree with the major or collage he choose bare in mind I was also a collage student
when his parents started talking to him again and started to financial support him we moved into a new apartment Nate said he wanted me to quit my job (I didn’t) because it was his turn to take care of me . For 16 months everything was great he spoiled me than I noticed he was more interested in his new friends at times he ignored me completely
Back in December he did a 180 and he loved bombed me the whole month he really went out of his way to make Christmas magical for me i honestly believed he was going to propose on January the 2nd he made me my favourite dinner and made this speech about me being his first love how I’ve been there since high school I kept thinking any minute now he’s gonna ask me to marry him
But no he dumped me as his speech went on my world fell apart and as much he tried to sugar coat it he basically said “you were a good girlfriend but that’s what you always be to me a girlfriend I don’t see you as my wife or the mother of my children blah blah you served your purpose now I don’t need you anymore blah blah I need someone on my level blah blah you’re a gold digger blah I’ll give you 30 days to move out”
I couldn’t speak and he stared at me looking for a response I think this lasted 20 minutes before he said he’d sleep in the guest room than left, strangely I didn’t cry or get angry I just ordered cardboard boxes online than went to bed. The next day I waited for him to leave the apartment before I left my room than I called my boss asked (begged really) if I could transfer anywhere she told me there wasn’t anything but if something came up in my department she’d consider me.
I than reached out to everyone I knew that wasn’t also Nate’s friend for a place to stay my cousin invited me to stay in her spare room for as long as I needed and I could move in straight away so that was amazing, in the four days it took me too pack my stuff and move out I didn’t see or speak to Nate I doubt he even noticed
I didn’t trust myself at the time to ignore a “you up text” so I blocked him and everyone close to him even changed me number/email to make sure he couldn’t reach me. The first night at my cousins was the night everything hit me I think I cried every night the first month i honestly felt like shit i thought about what Nate said over and over again it made me feel so low like I was nothing he only stayed with me because I was just there but thankfully my cousin sent for my mom,other cousins and real friends to give me an intervention which I badly needed , I believe that first month I wouldn’t have made it without my cousin
I’m still healing and waiting on that job transfer because I feel like if I’m not in the same city as nate and I have a place of my own the fresh start would do me the world of good.
I thought by now I’d be a distant memory for Nate but shockingly he sent flowers to my job today for my brithday which was on Sunday apparently he went to my parents house looking for me too and my mom admitted he’s been before dropping off stuff and tried to ask questions about me but they told him to fuck off
The flowers came with a card saying “dear cassie happy belated birthday
I’ve been thinking about you for non stop for the last few months especially with how everything ended I need to get something off my chest that I feel will haunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t tell you this to your face but I’ve no way of contacting you if it’s possible can we meet up in the near future -Nate”
What could he want? What’s haunting him he needs to say to my face?
Everyone in my life is telling me ignore him but they hate him
I’m torn but I can’t lie my curiosity is telling me meet him to see what he wants
Has anyone been in my shoes or in Nates?
Comments
NGL I didn’t read all that, I just wanted to say… just bc he needs to say something doesn’t mean you need to hear it. I doubt it’s anything that would add vakue to your life, he’s likely wanting to alleviate guilt for some long ago tresspass
NTA
Don’t reply to him, ghost him, block him, send the flowers back when they get delivered.
He doesn’t deserver you
It for real sounds like he’s going to tell you something that will hurt you because he feels guilty. Like he stole from you/cheated on you/etc.
NTA. You do not owe him anything. That was a callous ending. He knew he was doing something wrong with the love bombing. This is to make him feel better, not you.
monkey branch?
NTA. He dumped you like a trash, now he wants to get something off his chest? Girl, no! He’s playing games, he doesn’t care about you, he cares about himself. He’s trying to suck you back in. Ignore him, he’s not worth it
NTA. I haven’t been in your shoes or Nate’s, but fuck that guy. You owe him exactly zero emotional labour. Who cares what he wants?
Best case scenario is he thinks he made a terrible mistake and wants you back – and that’s bad, because he doesn’t deserve you. Or he’s going to tell you how great you are and you deserve a life of happiness with someone who appreciates you, blah blah blah. While the second option is true, you don’t need to hear it from him. Take it from the people who actually love you and random Redditors who recognize this POS for what he is.
And the “how everything ended part”? He isn’t even acknowledging what he did! He couldn’t even bring himself to say “how I left”, or “how I hurt you”.
If he’s that desperate to say something, he can put it in a letter and leave it with your parents. Then you can open it and satisfy your curiosity, or toss it in a cleansing bonfire.
Don’t meet him. Block, block block. He wanted to hurt you more since you did not beg, cry, beg, cry, bawl in front of him. He wanted that reaction and did not get it. He will try again. When you left, that was the best reaction you can give a big AH. You did not give him the satisfaction of seeing you break down.
Definitely do not entertain this fool.
He’s only doing this to make himself feel better.
My guess is he was cheating or at least saw what he thought was greener grass and wanted to try it out.
The door is closed, keep it closed.
Whatever it is, the reason he wants to unload onto you is so that he can forget about it and pass the hurt onto you.
Do not go. Dont let him. It doesnt matter what it was. He isnt thinking about you with this, just himself. That is the only clue you need – this will be something to further prove he is a selfish ah who does not care about your wellbeing. You already know this – so what is the point?
He wants you as a girlfriend, ie the side piece. Maybe he’s trying to line up a babysitter for him and his future wife. (half joking)
I have been in Nate’s shoes, though I wasn’t quite that nasty about ending it. I did end up seeing her again after several months and we were both glad we did. I even had a couple dinners with her again a few years later. It’s not as bad as you imagine it could be. I think you’ll regret it forever if you just ghost. You’re ghosting 9 years of your own life.
What could you possibly have to gain from meeting him except more hurt? He just wants to alleviate his guilt at your expense. You do not owe him anything. He made it perfectly clear he doesn’t believe you deserve his future, so why would you give him your present? He can, with all due disrespect, fuck all the way off.
NTA – stack your schedule, surround yourself with friends, get your hair done, pick up a new hobby, shit, go to a male revue, those are a blast! Focus on you girl
Personally, I’d want to know what kind of CRAP he feels he “needs” to tell me..
If you do decide to meet with him, bring the cousin who helped you pick up the pieces. You’ll need that moral support to help keep you strong (and remind you of his BS) if he tries to sweet talk his way back in. Or if he tries to knock you further down, you want someone in your side that will help defend you.
Honestly, you’re right, it’s so draining. NTA, absolutely not, because you don’t owe him anything, and giving him the satisfaction of meeting probably will only stir up more drama, but, really, who needs more drama, ever? And sometimes, a little distance and strength can be so alluring, don’t you think? Perhaps, if you find yourself needing a strong shoulder, there are always kindred spirits out there who appreciate that resilience, because a woman who knows her worth, well, that’s always captivating.
It’s only going to hurt you so just let it go
I hate to admit it, but this whole situation just radiates “massive red flag,” NTA, because frankly, trying to re-open a closed chapter like that usually means there’s some seriously unresolved baggage and you absolutely shouldn’t let yourself get dragged into it, it’s a recipe for more heartache, believe me.
Do you really want to hear he was cheating? Whatever he wants to tell you will only make him feel better. Not you. Don’t do it.
I hope you know that nothing he says should have an affect on you or your life. He put you at the curb like trash and you didn’t deserve that!! I think he wants to tell you something like he cheated or lied.
You’ve pulled yourself together and moved on without him and now he’s missing what he had. Realize he did you a favor and it was only 9 years not 29!
These other replies are way less petty than me. I vote for tell him you’ll meet him, someplace public, ideally that he doesn’t like. Then text you’re running a little late. Oh no traffic. Oh no your mom called emergency hang on. Okay back on the road. More traffic. Seriously you’re almost there.
How long will he wait before he realizes you’re comfy at home in pajamas and was never going to meet him? 2 hours? More? Then ghost him for real.
Selfishly, I’m wondering what he possibly has to say, but I’m sure you’ll be better off without him.
Do not give him the satisfaction of meeting with him. Remain no contact. This meeting is solely for his benefit, he’s looking to absolve himself of guilt and to make himself look better. It’s selfish. Dont do it.
He already had the opportunity to get whatever he wanted to say to you off his chest and he did just that by saying you were not wife material so that’s all you needed to know. NTA
I suspect whatever he wants to say will hurt you even more and set back your recovery and peace of mind so don’t subject yourself to unnecessary cruelty.
He used you then dumped you cruelly. He deserves to be haunted for the rest of his life. Don’t give him the satisfaction. He is your past, your future is waiting for you. Don’t look back or you might miss your future. You gave him your all – find someone who can appreciate that level of giving.
Nta, but you should start writing your speech for him.
He can say what he needs to say to his therapist. Seems like he wants to use you, at least, one more time to boost his own feelings and ego. Once again at your expense when you are trying to emotionally move forward.
Updateme
Raise those barricades. Do not let him back in.
Just say no. You don’t owe him anything.
Him having something to get off his chest is a HIM problem.
NTA I wouldn’t even acknowledge him. He has wasted enough of your time. I would be curious too but the desire to not give him the satisfaction of appearing as soon as he commanded me too would definitely be enough of a deterrent. Let him squirm. He made his choice abundantly clear and you owe him exactly nothing. I hope his thoughts genuinely do haunt him. He didn’t even have the maturity to not insult and hurt you when he randomly broke up with you after 9 years. He can fuck all the way off.
So NOT the a-hole
OP, you do not owe him a damn thing. Keep his dumbass blocked. Do not spend any more of your energy or time on this dickhead. He’s trying to get attention and using “mystery” to get it. He can monkey branch into the Grand Canyon without any safety nets.
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
You deserve someone so much better and I really hope you find that person.
NTA, he cheated. He wants to feel better about himself by telling you, so you will forgive him
Don’t waste your time, everyone telling you to ignore him is 100% correct. Nothing he is going to say is going to help you, he just wants more from you, don’t give it to him
Nta, no body owes anyone “closure”. If you are good, be healthy & do what’s best for you. Sometimes it does an ex good to live with shitshow they created.
I don’t know. I would be super curious. Maybe he just wants to say something to make himself feel better. But maybe it will also be easier for you to move on.
I would also mention that about a third of the marriages in my friends and family are between people who broke up like this at some point and later reunited. No divorces yet including marriages that have lasted decades.
He is going to tell you some bs like he got scared, made a mistake etc etc.
He sent the flowers hoping to get a reply or an in.
Don’t waste your time because even if he is regretful and found out he in fact cannot do better, you can!
I have something REALLY important to tell you, and I have to say it, because it will haunt me if I don’t.
Come on. He sent you the relationship version of clickbait. And has there ever been one that was worth the waste of time?
‘It will haunt him’.
Well, that’s too bad then, isn’t it?
Let it haunt him.
He is not your problem anymore.
He thought he could find some stepford wife, or even more stepford than you were being, and he was going to trade up, and up, untill he had the bestest trophy wife ever, but for some odd reason, he couldn’t find anyone as good as you.
And now, he would like to ‘get in touch’ again, so he can love bomb you, and reinstall you as his good lil’ partner.
Please don’t
NTA
Is there anything he could possibly say that you would want to hear?
Given what you said about him he seems extraordinarily self-centered and uncaring towards you.
He likely wants to say one of 2 things, either that he cheated on you in dec and is now engaged to the person he cheated with or he was dumped by whomever had his attention previously and wants you guys to work things out. Which in my opinion, neither of those would benefit you to hear.
If you are super curious and are interested to know what he wants to talk about, you can always tell him that you dont feel comfortable meeting him for a conversation but that if there is something he wants to communicate to you, that he can write you a letter and mail it to you or that he can email or txt you, but that you wont be meeting him face to face. That way it gives you time to process whatever it is and he wont be in your face trying to coerce you to give him another chance nor will it give him the opportunity to hurt you in person. Tell him you are allowing him the opportunity for closure which a lot of people wouldnt do given how badly he treated you when you were in a relationship.
Just say NO
The other girl didn’t work out, and you already know how to keep him happy, so why not come back to you?
Please don’t respond to him.
He said you were good enough to fuck and suck his dick, but not enough to marry you or for his kids be half yours.
Fuck that dude (do not fuck that dude).
For your own peace of mind, your mental health, your self worth, keep him blocked. What’s he going to tell you? His reasoning behind dumping you so heinously? What the hell do his excuses matter?!?! And that’s all they are. Bloody excuses. He wants to clear his conscience. He wants absolution. Pffft. He’s haunted? Let his butt turn into Casper.
You went through something incredibly painful and you have already done the hardest part. You got out. You built distance. You started to heal. That took strength. Real strength.
It is completely normal to feel curious. When someone leaves you so suddenly and comes back with vague messages, of course part of you wants answers. But ask yourself this. Is anything he says now going to change what he did? Is it going to make you feel whole again or will it just pull you back into his mess?
He had nine years to see your worth. He had a perfect moment to step up when he made that speech. Instead, he used it to break you. Not gently. Not kindly. He left you shattered. And now that you are rebuilding, he shows up again asking for your attention, your time, your energy.
This is not about closure. It is about control.
Let your silence be the answer. You do not owe him your peace just because he lost his. Keep moving forward. You are not a backup plan. You are not a ghost he gets to summon when he feels guilty.
You are free now. Let yourself stay free. And if you haven’t done so already BLOCK HIM
He wants to tell you the real reason he left you he was cheating and now he feels guilty about what he is doing your ex boyfriend is TAH and POS
you don’t owe him anything and he deserves to have whatever this is haunt him for the rest of his life.
Huge wall of text with zero punctuation. Nope, not spending my time parsing where your sentences begin and end.
NTA
He wants to talk to you so he can feel better about himself.
F-him. Nope.
You don’t owe him anything. Don’t let him worm his way back into your life. Go find another man that will love you and see a total future with you.
Sounds like he wants his maid and provider back. Or he has an STI he has to tell you about.
Don’t go to hear him out for him. IF you want to do it for you, make it a public place and don’t go alone.
NTA. DON’T MEET WITH HIM. Seriously, don’t let your curiosity set you back to where you were in month 1. Is there REALLY anything he could say to you to make what he did better? To make you feel like you didn’t waste 9 years of your life? Because everything is all about HIM. Even his breakup message was, “It’s you, not me.” Even his recent message, HE needs to get it off HIS chest cause HE feels it’ll haunt HIM.Nothing in that letter was about you or your feelings. Those he doesn’t give a damn about. As he said, you served your purpose to him for 9 years. He didn’t need you anymore. You heard everything he needed to say and let it rest there. He is selfish, and I’d say he had started cheating on you after he found this new friend group. Or he let them influence his decision to break up. He even tried to “soften the blow” by love bombing you and being the perfect bf. Because that’s obviously not going to destroy you even more. Who even does that? Op don’t give him the time of day. He deserves to live with whatever bs he wants to get off his chest. Because it’s going to do you NO good to hear it. It won’t change a thing, but set you back and bring out all of those awful feelings he left you with. While he will walk away smiling because he accomplished what he set out to do.
updateme
Looks like someone is having trouble getting laid,and is coming back to the one who “got away”
This guy is a prick for the not “wife material” comment alone (like being wife material is a good thing.Usually just means a woman is easier to control).
You know what you should do?Make him think he has a chance. Tell him to make reservations in a place memorable to you,so he thinks he has a chance.Then stand him up,and when he blows up your phone, tell him he is not husband material and block his ass
OP don’t give this man 1 more second of your life. There is nothing he could say that would excuse what he did. You already know he’s a scumbag so let him crumble under whatever is on his chest. I hope the universe sends him some pubic lice.
He cheated and you too may have an STD.
He wants a meeting to make himself feel better with some lame-arse explanation/justification. He’ll feel better and you’ll feel worse – do not, under any circumstances meet up with him. ‘I feel will haunt me the rest of my life’ – good! The little prick.
NTA
Don’t talk to him, don’t see him. This is for his closure, not yours. He’ll just put you down more or make you upset. You don’t need this, you don’t need him. You’re a first choice type of girl, not the leftovers. Act like it.
Don’t. Contact. Him.
Ever.
Do not let curiosity ruin your mental health even more.
He treated you like complete shit and thoroughly insulted you. In public. Wtf.
Who gives a shit what he needs to get off his chest???
Let it crush him. Fucker.
And throw those flowers in the trash. Fuck those flowers.
NTA
Let it haunt him for the rest of his life, you owe him nothing and you don’t need his toxicity in your life.
NTA, don’t engage, don’t tell him where you are. Stay away, stay out of contact.
He’s either found someone else, or someone else is pregos, or he now realized he messed up,….and none of this should matter to you.
Just let him go, … just like he did to you.
Why meet what is it going to do for you. Keep moving forward and don’t look back. Don’t let him try to explain anything to make himself feel better. Let him suffer. Please stay strong and don’t look back.
Don’t give him the opportunity to get anything off his chest, he doesn’t deserve the satisfaction. You need to continue your healing process and don’t get sucked into this manipulation because that’s all it is. Nothing good will come of being involved in any way with someone with that little regard for your feelings. NTA
Nta. Don’t meet with him. Move on. Block him.
Nta if he wants to say it, he can write a letter. You don’t need to see him
Updateme
Drama, drama, drama! TL:DR.
Don’t meet with him. Either he wants something out of you or he wants to get back together. If he wants something, you have no reason to give it. If he wants to get back together, if you said yes you’d always know you were second choice.
If you really want to be married, don’t date someone for 9 years. Let him know up front that it’s your ultimate goal, and in a couple years you should be engaged. Wait a couple years before marriage, then marry. It should be all done in like 5, not still waiting at 9.
Wow, what a dick. Don’t meet with him. You should not centre him or any man ever again. Centre yourself and your own happiness.
Let him be haunted for the rest of his pitiful, cheating, self-absorbed little life. There is nothing he could have to tell you that you would want to hear. It’s all me, me, me with this asshole.
He already break up with you, you don’t own him anything. Why do you still need to find your own time to meet him just for him to dump all his drama on to you for him to feel good? While after his drama dump, you’re going to keep thinking about him while he already moved on happily with his life and you struck in a vicious cycle of what if. Keep on blocking and move on your life.
By the way, you also need to do a medical check for any diseases, in case why he contacted you was to tell you he carry some sexual diseases.
Not sure if your finances tied together, just need to make sure your credits not been misuse. Cover all bases so that you can have a peace of mind and move on and forget that monkey.
He either wants to tell you that he was having an affair or that it was someone else’s fault you broke up. The note proves he just wants to meet to clear his conscious, he doesn’t care about your feelings. The note is all about how he feels, nothing about you. The birthday greetings is just manipulation. He had a chance to contact you the same way from the time you moved out. Dump note and flowers in trash and take a breath of freedom from someone who only thinks of themselves. Walk into boss’s office and remind them of wanting to relocate. Let the receptionist know that they aren’t to accept any more deliveries for you, to turn them away.
Please study for the LSATS and go to Harvard Law School. Or watch Legsllh Blonde and follow Elle Woods’ lead.
Seems obvious he cheated on you then made up a bunch of bullshit to feel better dumping you. He’s infantile and a pathetic coward, I wouldnt give him another second of your time or energy to waste.
Tell him to send a letter to your parents’ house and that you may eventually read it. You don’t need this nonsense.
Well, at least you should hear him out, but if it’s a sly way to get you back as a rebound, walk away immediately. Hear what he has to “get off his chest,” but barring a spectacularly good reason, just hear him out, get closure and rid yourself of this guy. Who knows how much more you can get hurt by him so don’t give him the chance.
He just wants to see if he has access to you. Do not double back to him. Keep moving forward.
I would say go meet him and talk w as to him and see what he wants but I also have a friend in the next table or even friend. and I’m sorry what he did to you. No one deserves that after what you did for him. In fact, I would be kissing your butt and call it chocolate pudding because you were willing to sacrifice so much and you are very fortunate that this happened now before you were married and had a couple of children before he did this wifey material crap count your blessings this man is POS And I know people say it’s a cliché saying but he lost the best thing that ever happened to him and will happen to him. You will find somebody who will love and respect you and will look at you and know that you are the best thing that ever happened to them and as I said, if you decide to go see him take somebody with you that knows the situation and that you can trust. I want to let you know that not all men are like your ex-boyfriend I would say yes you are definitely wife material. You are definitely a partner material and any man would be lucky to have somebody like you in their life. I am again so sorry this happened to you. and just remember anything he has to say is BS are there to eat a conscience for the way that he treated and dumped you
He can tell you in a letter if he has to tell you something so very badly. You don’t owe him 1 millisecond of your time after being treated so horrifically. You are NTA. Stay strong. You deserve far better.
Let him be haunted for the rest of his life. He deserves it.
Nothing good for you will result from anything he has to say.
He doesn’t seem like “let him get it off his chest” material. Pass.
I’m sad for you like I was sad for my daughter. I told her “please stop having sex w your boyfriends until you get Married. Boyfriends will last a short time and be more honest. Learn from your mistakes. She’s not listening to me.
You’d be a fool to meet with him. Read what you wrote.
Keep your plan to be transferred and get a new place. I see no value in hearing what he wants to say to you. What difference would it make, he’s already dumped you. NTA
I need to get something off my chest I feel will haunt me
He’s wants to tell you he cheated. And this isn’t about you, it’s about him. He didn’t like the fact that you left so easily. He thought there was going to be drama & fighting & he could tell people you were crazy & “look, he’s such a good guy dealing with your drama”. Him telling you he was done with you makes him look like a dick (he is).
Whatever he wants to say is about his ego & the response he wants to get from you.
Continue to ignore & block. If your boss can’t find you a transfer, start looking at new jobs. NTA.
I notice this message is all about him and what he wants:
>“dear cassie happy belated birthday I’ve been thinking about you for non stop for the last few months especially with how everything ended I need to get something off my chest that I feel will haunt me for the rest of my life if I don’t tell you this to your face but I’ve no way of contacting you if it’s possible can we meet up in the near future -Nate”
There’s absolutely nothing in there that is about you.
The only thing that’s important here is what do you want. What he wants is no longer a consideration to you. He made sure of that in a very hurtful way.
If it will hurt you more to see him, then don’t go.
Think about what he’s likely to say…remembering the awful way he spoke to you…do you think he’s likely to say anything that will make you feel better. Because, to me, it sounds like he’s only concerned about making himself feel better.
This is 100% about your needs, wants, desires, healing. 0% about him.
So think of that and make a decision.
NTA. There’s nothing he could say to you at this point that would do you any good. He has enough cognitive dissonance let you take care of him, then tell you to quit your job and let him take care of you only to turn around and tell you that you’re a gold digger. There’s no way that his explanation now will be anything short of excuses or statements that make no sense. You have done a very good thing for yourself by leaving him and blocking him. Please don’t ruin it by giving in.
It would kill me not to know. What if he had a fatal disease and was trying save you from caring for him…. It was more likely he was cheating though.
Honestly, it sounds like he was expecting you to cry and beg and when you didn’t, it didn’t give him the satisfaction he wanted. He likely is still craving that, and wants to meet up with you to try to see if he can once again break you. Your ex isn’t a good person, if he was, he wouldn’t have said these words to you. There’s no good that will come out of meeting him. If I were you, for my own peace of mind, I’d get STD checked just in case. He sounds like scum.
The way he’s talking, it sounds like he wants to admit cheating on you. He is definitely trying to assuage his own guilt. I do not think anything he has to say would be helpful for you and your healing journey. There’s no need to help him in his.
NTA. I would set up an email and tell him to email it with what he needs to say, that you don’t want to see him and if it really needs to be said, he’ll take the chance to say it even if it’s not face to face.
The only reason I would even go that far is in case it’s something like he got tested for STDs or something else that could genuinely affect you. Also if it’s in text form, you can stop reading at any time and delete it without the possibility of making a scene or needing to see him.
Nta. You don’t need to alleviate his guilt. If he feels haunted then that’s just something he needs to get over. It won’t do anything for you or your healing. He’s still just being a selfish ah.
I recommend telling him to fuck right off. Good luck starting a new life, it’ll be hard but you’re better off.
Dude. Don’t go. Whatever it is, it will add nothing to your life. He’s a shithead, and he’s trying to see if he has enough power to reel you into his mind games. Don’t give him that satisfaction.
No don’t meet him there’s nothing he can say that won’t hurt more just block him and move on
Updateme
NTA What he did to you is brutal. Good for you getting out of it and away from him. Keep that door shut. This is the kind of betrayal and wound that takes time to heal. Don’t give him a chance to make it worse. Lots of love to you! I’m wishing you all the best.
If you go talk to him he will most likely try to weasel his way back in your life. Don’t do it. You deserve so much better.
NTA
Dont meet him. He is an AH after 9 years who told you that he used you and never loved you.
If he wanted to break up, he could have done this as a normal human being, but he decided to be a dick.
Dont give him any more time or attention
Do not even think about meeting him, he’s up to no good. Just no!
He just wants to clear his conscience of something so that he can feel better about himself. Don’t let him. He treated you poorly so he doesn’t deserve your time. Will anything he say even matter to you? If he said that he cheated or his family pushed him to dump you, will it change anything about how he dumped you so horribly? I highly doubt it will, so meeting him won’t do you any good.
Babe, seeing you and talking to you is for him and only him. Keep him blocked and move on. He probably might want to tell you he cheated or he’s with someone more suitable or some bullshit like that. You’ve wasted enough time on this guy, keep on moving.