My family has been unhealthy for a really long time. When I was 7 and we were moving to Oregon, it came to light that my father (45M) had been abusing opiates since I was born and my parents left rehab (that’s where they met and I was conceived). My mom (51F) had been sober since I was born, so this was really upsetting to her. She forgave him (you’ll find this is a pattern) and this was strike 1.
In 8th grade my parents began using weed and got the idea to start a dispensary. Immediately they bought a house which we cannot afford, relocated me 30 minutes away from my highschool, and spent 50,000 dollars on a shed, lights and materials, and a license — all for it to be denied. We’ve been in a house with a 4000 dollar mortgage ever since, now a half hour commute away from my school and their workplaces. This has made the fighting very intense.
I can’t recap everything, since that would take pages, but the gist of it is; the first day of highschool, winter break that year, spring break that year, the first day of sophomore year, that thanksgiving break, that winter break, that spring break, this last thanksgiving, this winter break, and this spring break have all been filled with their fighting. Of course there’s been so much more, but these are the times that fights have interrupted things like vacations and holidays.
We drove back from our spring break cabin on the first night since my parents ended up fighting and swearing to divorce. We drove 100+ mph down the freeway, cut our vacation 3 days short, and they stayed together. Christmas of sophomore year my parents thought it would be fun to take an edible and drive high with me to see a movie. I was upset that they were visibly high, driving with me in the car, on a day I was really excited to spend with them.
Other notable events include my mom picking up a chair to hit my dad with, me stepping in front of her to put it down, and her slapping me in the face. She has always been the one to get physical, but I would say my dad is the actual abuser and he can be incredibly verbally abusive to my mom (to the point where she’s inconsolably crying on the floor).
Spring break of sophomore year I was caught with weed, which I had been using to self-medicate at the time (I have diagnosed anxiety and I fit criteria for PTSD). My mom snatched a bag out of my hands and I followed her outside to the car, begging to sit and talk about it. My hands were on the bag, but I wasn’t fighting her or pulling in any way. I really just wanted to have a conversation with her. She stepped on the gas and flung me down the road, leading to my hospitalization and road burn along my back, thighs, and neck. They gave me fentanyl twice.
I really am so tired. I don’t think I can survive it anymore. Sometimes I worry I’m gonna wake up to the sound of my dad being stabbed, or my mom being beaten. The police have come so much, and I know things aren’t getting better. My mom refuses to divorce my dad. My plan is to get my masters, save up at least 5k, go into finance and cut them off entirely. Once I have the ground beneath my feet I have no intentions of even looking back. I still feel a lot of guilt. Is my reaction warranted? Should I give them the chance to change?
TL;DR Desiring to cut off my physically/verbally abusive parents once I have a stable financial/home situation later on, not sure if that’s the right thing to do.