My husband and I have been married for 10 years seven of those years he worked out of town and within the last year, he decided to come off the road and work in town. We have two children, a five-year-old and an eight-year-old. I raised both kids pretty much by myself for the first seven years. Now that he’s home I find that I do not have any desire to have sex with him. A little bit about him is he’s very quick to anger and then regret right after.
I don’t care for how he disciplines the kids. He’s very short with them.
The other night, my daughter cut her finger on a pair of scissors and immediately he got very angry and was mad that a pair of scissors were laying out so he threw the scissors in the garbage along with every other pair of scissors we had. I’m not sure what to do. I have expressed to him that I have no desire to have sex with him anymore and he seems to think it’s because of my age and I have a low libido which is not the case at all. It’s just him we have done marriage counseling, and that has not worked. I’m just not sure what my next steps are. I don’t want the kids to be brought up in a broken home and not only that I cannot afford to live on my own with kids so I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?
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Run. Save your kids and yourself
What is the cause of your lack of sexual desire?
Weiner too small?
Tell him he gets help for his anger or its splitsville.
You and the kids do not deserve to live in fear, period.
Kids survive broken homes. They do not survive domestic violence.
Your hubby has no idea how exhausting and annoying kids are. He’s been out of the loop.
You’re tired from them and now that hes back full time he’s another toddler to take care of too.
It’s normal to be unattracted to your mate. Its not normal to go on an anti scissor hissy fit because a kid cut themselves.
They warning signs are becoming obvious.
I think the sex thing might be the least of your worries here, tbh.
His lack of capacity for discomfort seems more concerning (for you and the kids) than your lack of sex drive for him.
Wow. These comments are…. less than helpful.
Babe, your low libido? Of course! He uses you for sexy time, an anger-outlet, and a child-rearer. I’m sure he didn’t always see you that way – but if counseling hasn’t worked and he refuses to get help for his anger, it’s better for the kids to grow up with a mom who is happy and at peace than around a dad with anger issues.
You can stay with him and start to view him as a roommate (don’t worry about sex – that’s what toys are for) or you can look to move in with family until you can afford to live on your own or with a roomy. Do you guys rent or own? Because I’d be tempted to buy a she-shed and sleep outside. He sounds miserable 🙁 I’m so sorry!
You’re not stuck, you can leave, but it will take some long-term planning to figure out how you can do that. Can you put your kids in daycare? My friend actually got certified and started her own at home daycare, so she could stay with her kids. She ended up having so much business that she was able to hire help and ended up out earning her husband. There is absolutely no reason for you to stay in this marriage, your kids are in a broken home. You and your husband are teaching them what they can expect from their partners when they get older. Your home life, is their normal
Yeah. In the process of leaving 10 year relationship for exact same reason. STBX has serious anger issues starting a few years back and the only time he acted like he didn’t hate me was when he wanted sex. I repeatedly told him I don’t want sex when he’s not meeting any of my needs such as simply being nice to me. About 18 months ago I just decided that’s it. Obligation sex was doing my head in. I’d had enough plus he was always angry over our differing financial status. Put the house on the market 4 weeks ago but alas market here slow at the moment. Head and heart ready to move on but need to sell current house so can purchase next. Google “irritable male syndrome” it is a thing and my partner ticks every single box. Kids don’t need to see this on the daily and he will need to pay you child support.
Great advice. It’s time to move on. Your kids are smart they will understand and will be better off without the stress in their lives.
Sorry for the million questions… it sounds like there’s several things going on here… First off, do you feel safe? Are your kiddos safe? If so, How long did you do marriage counciling for? Was the therapist a good fit for you guys do you feel? How did he respond in therapy? It sounds like he would benefit from having some individual therapy honestly. If he reacts that way to things, it sounds like he has some shit he needs to deal with on his own before you guys tackle things together. That way, you guys are both healthy, whole people going in to make this thing work if that makes sense. Maybe try a male therapist? Me and my partner have a male therapist right now, and that’s made a huge difference for my partner. They relate to each other in a way that a female therapist just didn’t seem to. Also, going from a long distance/on the road relationship to him being home every day is a huge adjustment for everyone. I grew up in a similar situation. My dad would be gone for long stretches working out of town, and it was just us 6 kids and my mom. They had to really figure out how to incorporate my dad into day to day stuff when when he came home in between jobs, it’s really easy for men to feel completely out of place when they come into your world and disrupt your systems you have in place with the kids. I’m not making excuses for any of his poor behavior or actions, but I do remember as a kid that was something I noticed my parents having to work on. (I’ve also talked alot with my mom about it now as an adult) Maybe he is one of many men who just don’t know how to communicate/process exactly what he’s feeling? (His reactions to things tell me that he feels his only way to show emotion is through frustration/anger. Alot of men seem to struggle with that it seems.) It’s still his responsibility to work on that, but it can help to understand the reasons behind actions if that makes sense. Getting to the root cause of why he feels the need to behave this way is the only way to really tackle it.
I absolutely empathize with and understand not wanting to have sex with someone you feel no connection with and feel like your walking eggshells around, that doesn’t do anything to help you feel like you desire him. How does he respond when you tell him that?
Sorry you’re going through this. Stuff like this just sucks.
Become a swinger
Sounds like you should live separate.
Updateme
He needs to go back on the road while you figure out your $❤️
Help him find a girlfriend
He needs to move out.
Are you resenting him?
Is his anger because he feels unwelcome in his own home?
I have seen this happening in my own family growing up. My Dad was away a lot. I was glad to see him but my mother and sisters were not. Their attitude changed as soon as he came in the door. They made it clear by their change in attitude that he was not welcome. He picked up on that and was angry and resentful. It took a long time for that to change as he retired and stopped going away (he worked on a ship)
Being unwelcome in your own home must be difficult.
Please let him go and find a welcome elsewhere.
You will be surprised how much you can do and accomplish when u step out on faith. I wish we as women stop getting ourselves in these situations. Stop believing in this fairytale life. You don’t need relationship advice you know what’s best for you and your 2 children.
Just wondering if he’s a truck driver, cause if he is my ex was like this. I wonder if it has something to do with them being alone so long that it messed with them, hard to say though.
I too feel the same and I am being constantly judged yk