Our relationship has been rocky for years now with little physical intimacy even though I try. Couple months ago I found out about his porn addiction and a second phone he stores it all in. I was never against porn but I didn’t know it would replace me.
Even after this I stayed with him as we have a kid and he said he’d go to therapy for childhood trauma and that he was messed up in the head. I felt like I needed to be there for him. We tried for a second baby through self insemination as he struggles with ED and we were successful. I am pregnant now.
I had a feeling he avoided being physically close to me. He never went to therapy, and I found out yesterday that he is back to his porn addiction.
When confronted he said.. “this is who I am and I cannot change” and to accept him for who he is and he will be there for me physically/mentally but not sexually and try to be there emotionally.
When asked about why he spends so much time isolated and avoids me he says he is stressed about finances and pregnancy and needs his alone time. All I want is to spend time with him. I love him too much and I didn’t have the courage to leave but yesterday I told we need to separate because I finally realized I needed to take care of myself for the sake of the baby. I asked him if he’d go to marriage counseling with me, and he said he won’t.
I feel broken because I still want him, I still love him. I don’t know what to do next. Today ignoring him was difficult on my soul. I wish he would come and say he is sorry and he wants to be with me and will go marriage counseling but he won’t. Any advice on how to move on? Did I overreact? I need someone to talk to!
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Leave! Get yourself counseling and work on yourself.This man has told you the truth — he will NOT change. If you’re honest with yourself, you probably love the idea of him, but not this person that he actually is. Stop putting him over you and your child. Y’all deserve better. Go consult an attorney too. Get your plans in order and don’t tell him. Plan your escape. Girl, you are ONLY 35! Do not settle.
Chin up. You can do this!
i’m really sorry for this you have to experience but unfortunately, you cannot fix a broken person who does not see a problem. you are still young to find a partner. i am sorry it’s been a long time but addiction is a real thing.
You can go to counseling on your own (if yournins covers it) and they can help you with seperating and working through these feelings.
You aren’t broken and you are enough
He’s just not ready.
I know you don’t want his childhood trauma to become their childhood trauma, but you can’t fix him.
He has to fix himself, the most you can so is offer support and to hold the metaphorical tool box but if hes not ready to do the work you can’t do it for him and you can’t make him.
Guys like that don’t change until they hit rock bottom. Sometimes a partner leaving helps them confront their rock bottom. But if he’s telling you he ain’t changing for you, that he’s happy with the status quo, then you know what you have to do. It’s ashame but he’s drawn his line in the sand. You’ll need to find your safe plac
It’s gonna be tough and you might get the urge to get back together when you feel lonely. In those moments, trust yourself and trust your reasons for leaving.
If he’s addicted to porn that might be because his ED. a lot if guy go to porn because of ED that is what gets them hard. Tell him to learn how to do kegle exercises for me it helps like crazy and maybe that will curb porn addiction. If not you need to see what is best for you as a mom to your kids. Take care of yourself. You’re doing good don’t let anyone tell you differently.