( for some background )
My friend and I have been “best friends” for about almost 4 years now, during our friendship there has been allot of issues regarding money. She would buy us coffee or whatever and say “Oh no I got this” or she would ask to get breakfast or something and I would say I am broke and she would then offer to buy, sometimes we would be out with her and her boyfriend and he would offer to pay then my Fiance would say no let me pay, then her BF says NO I WILL PAY, but then the next day my friend would send a text saying how much we owed them… I never argue or make an issue about it because I avoid conflict. Keep in mind every time we would buy something for them/her we would never ask for money in return or say that they “owe” us…. About a month ago they did not have water where they stay and asked to come shower by us… we had to switch our geyser(water heater) on JUST so that they could have warm water, and we never asked them to pay for the electricity or water used.
POINT: We have been without electricity for a week and we don’t know allot of people around to help out… I reached out to my “best friend” and asked if we could do a load of laundry and have a shower…. they said it is fine. The next time we asked if we could come around she said and I quote “you can pay us at the end of the month” (for using their utilities). I am refusing to pay them for the one time we used their shower and electricity because I WOULD NEVER have expected them to pay us. And now we have not been able to wash our clothes or shower because what “bill” would we receive from my “BEST FRIEND” at the end of the month? AITA
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( for some background )
My friend and I have been “best friends” for about almost 4 years now, during our friendship there has been allot of issues regarding money. She would buy us coffee or whatever and say “Oh no I got this” or she would ask to get breakfast or something and I would say I am broke and she would then offer to buy, sometimes we would be out with her and her boyfriend and he would offer to pay then my Fiance would say no let me pay, then her BF says NO I WILL PAY, but then the next day my friend would send a text saying how much we owed them… I never argue or make an issue about it because I avoid conflict. Keep in mind every time we would buy something for them/her we would never ask for money in return or say that they “owe” us…. About a month ago they did not have water where they stay and asked to come shower by us… we had to switch our geyser(water heater) on JUST so that they could have warm water, and we never asked them to pay for the electricity or water used.
POINT: We have been without electricity for a week and we don’t know allot of people around to help out… I reached out to my “best friend” and asked if we could do a load of laundry and have a shower…. they said it is fine. The next time we asked if we could come around she said and I quote “you can pay us at the end of the month” (for using their utilities). I am refusing to pay them for the one time we used their shower and electricity because I WOULD NEVER have expected them to pay us. And now we have not been able to wash our clothes or shower because what “bill” would we receive from my “BEST FRIEND” at the end of the month? AITA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Refusing to pay my best friend money for just helping me out
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I see no “friendship” here mate.
People telling they “got this” but then sending you to pay? wtf
NTA
NTA
learn to match energy girl, ask them to pay for stuff too or the resentment is going to kill your friendship. shower at a local gym and go to a laundromat instead. your best friend is stingy, it is what it is
NTA but I’d stop being friends with them they are fake and petty
NTA. for future reference, agreement to pay for things happens before the payment happens.
when someone says “i will pay for this” and then they pay, without mentioning getting paid back, congrats. you owe them nothing. any messages about getting paid back after the fact or being owed favors mean nothing. when strings are attached without your knowledge or agreement you go ahead and cut them.
so you should not pay them for the showers etc you took before they said the thing about getting paid back later (and you can also go ahead and ignore any messages about what you owe for meals they offered to cover) but you should not use their facilites again now you know they intend to charge you.
Have you ever pointed out that you don’t do this in reverse?
TBH you have 3no options here. 1. Refuse to pay pointing out you didn’t ask them for money), 2. Pay but tell them you expect reimbursement for when they used yours or 3. Pay and walk away from this so called friendship
NTA but your mistake was never asking for money back. You should remind your friend about when they showered at yours. You need to match energy with this friend or you will continue to be walked over as you are now. Sometimes we have to be grown up and face conflict.
NTA. Go shower and do your laundry, and if they present you with a bill at the end of the month then have one ready from when their water was out, and anything else they never paid you back for.
Your ‘friend’ is just rude.
NTA. Your friend is being rude and contradictory by offering to pay for things and later on asking for payment. They need to be transparent and say they will settle the bill and you can pay them later. I can see why you are resentful since you do not send them a bill after similar events.
If you value this friendship, a transparent conversation is needed. Some cultures keep score of such things and expect repayment for even minute expenses, while others give and take freely as an expression of esteem. You two might be measuring each other based on different standards.
Why are you “friends” with this person?
NTA but I think you should stop being “friends” with this person.
Obviously there is a line and nobody likes to be taken advantage of, but if you tell a friend “I got you” that should be the end.