I’ve been stuck in something messy, and I’m finally starting to see it for what it is—but I’m still not sure how to completely step out.
So here’s what happened.
My ex and I broke up a while ago. After 8 years of relationship. It wasn’t dramatic, but there were still a lot of feelings left. We stayed in touch. I told myself it was for her—she was going through a lot, and talking to me helped her feel better. That’s what I believed.
Over time, we got physically involved again. Nothing “official,” just… moments. Meanwhile, she started seeing someone else. She said it was serious, but the way she talked about it made it seem like it wasn’t. And yeah—we still kept getting involved, physically and emotionally.
At one point, I had to ask myself:
Am I really doing this for her well-being, or am I just holding on because I haven’t let go?
The answer hit harder than I expected. I realized I wasn’t helping her move on. And I definitely wasn’t moving on myself. I was feeding my own longing, dressing it up as care. And maybe she was doing the same—keeping me in her life in some form, but not fully letting me in either.
It wasn’t malicious. Just messy.
Two people clinging to the comfort of each other while calling it something else.
When I finally stopped to look at it as it actually was, without sugarcoating or making excuses, it got clearer. We were stuck in a loop. One that felt good in moments, but left me feeling hollow after.
I haven’t fully cut contact yet, but I know I need to. Not because she’s bad. Not because I’m angry. But because staying in this dynamic is slowly eating away at my clarity, my self-respect.
I don’t want to be someone who stays just to get scraps of intimacy or attention. I want to move on with eyes wide open.
But some days, the habit of connection pulls hard.
So yeah… that’s where I’m at.
How do I come out of this completely—clean and clear?
Would love to hear if anyone else has been through something similar.
TL;DR:
I stayed in touch with my ex thinking it was for her well-being, but we kept getting physically involved even after she started seeing someone else. I’ve realized I was holding on for my own needs, not out of care. I want to break the cycle and move on, but it’s hard. How do I fully let go and come out of this clean?