I feel like I may have overreacted and would like an outside opinion.
I live in a city. I recently moved from a high rise apartment to my very first home. I LOVE my home and neighborhood, but it’s my first time living in a house by myself.
Since moving, there’s been one man that’s made awkward statements that range from impressed that I can change my locks, offering to detail my car, helping me with my trash cans, and warning that people may steal my plants off my porch. I try to remain polite, but he seems too friendly and I just get a weird vibe from him. I just don’t like it.
Last night, starting around 10:45PM he rang my doorbell and then knocked on my door and window for about 10 minutes. It was late, I was home alone, and it FREAKED me out. My doorbell camera is older. So, it’s not one I can speak through.
When he knocked for a while and then came back I called the police.
He was trying to tell me that I had packages at my front door. I knew this. I left packages at my front door as a booby trap because someone stole a bag of potting soil earlier in the day.
I feel silly for calling the police. Should I have handled this differently. Most of my friends understand why I was freaked out, but I’m sure my other neighbors hate me…..
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I feel like I may have overreacted and would like an outside opinion.
I live in a city. I recently moved from a high rise apartment to my very first home. I LOVE my home and neighborhood, but it’s my first time living in a house by myself.
Since moving, there’s been one man that’s made awkward statements that range from impressed that I can change my locks, offering to detail my car, helping me with my trash cans, and warning that people may steal my plants off my porch. I try to remain polite, but he seems too friendly and I just get a weird vibe from him. I just don’t like it.
Last night, starting around 10:45PM he rang my doorbell and then knocked on my door and window for about 10 minutes. It was late, I was home alone, and it FREAKED me out. My doorbell camera is older. So, it’s not one I can speak through.
When he knocked for a while and then came back I called the police.
He was trying to tell me that I had packages at my front door. I knew this. I left packages at my front door as a booby trap because someone stole a bag of potting soil earlier in the day.
I feel silly for calling the police. Should I have handled this differently. Most of my friends understand why I was freaked out, but I’m sure my other neighbors hate me…..
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> I feel like an asshole for not answering the door and calling the cops.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. He’s creepy and needs to mind his own business. It is never appropriate to knock on a neighbor’s door at this time unless it’s an emergency. Packages on your front porch aren’t an emergency. Did the police show up? What did they do?
If you can hear him through the door/window, he can hear you. Meaning you could have communicated to him that you knew about the packages and were happy to leave them there. Genuinely curious, what did you hope to gain by skipping that step and going straight to the police?
Don’t leave packages out overnight even if they are fake. Why are you trying to invite trouble by doing that.
nta. knocking on your door late at night is weird, but knocking on your door and windows for ten minutes straight is flat out unhinged at any time of day.
if anything, this is more reason to avoid him.
NTA for not answering your door. He’s a overbearing neighbor and freaked you out. You’re under no obligation to answer your door when someone knocks on it.
That said, you knew who was at the door and easily could have just talked to him through it, so going to the police seems like a pretty big escalation. So definitely E S H for the overall situation, but still NTA for the specific piece of it you asked about in the title of the thread.
This is a tough one. For me the questions you posted are not that alarming but if you get an ick vibe you gotta pay attention to it. Him warning you that someone would steal the plants off your porch though, and a person then actually stealing your potting soil tell me that he is correct, you do have porch thieves, so Legit thing to share with a neighbor. 10:45 is far too late to be knocking on someone’s door, and him coming back is very pushy and creepy. Another comment mentioned that you could have said how can I help you through the door which may have been my choice to handle it but I feel your fear in your post so I think you are NTA for calling the police and not silly. Now though, since he did not commit a crime, you have to deal with the fallout, and I hope there is none. You know the vibe he gives off and I do not, he sounds like he may just be a chatty person but you can’t be too careful. You don’t know him.
Showing up at almost 11PM to tell you you had packages at your front door? Sure, that may be innocent, but that late? It’s suspicious as hell. I don’t know if I would have called the police, but not answering the door seems like the safer bet.
Don’t ever apologize for choosing safety and caution when your gut tells you to
Honestly? I also would have called the police. This sounds like harassment at this point.
Stay safe, trust your gut, NTA.
Nta I once did this (during day time hours) to my neighbor. He never answered the door. Why did I ring the doorbell for 10 min or more? The fence between our homes had been knocked down by his dog and his dog was in our yard. Eventually I gave up. His dog got out bc our gate was open. I called animal control and they came and got the dog. He was home. He knew I was ringing the doorbell. He made the choice not to answer. He wasn’t happy that he had to pay a fine to get his dog back. Just remember…if there are consequences to you not answering your door…you don’t get to complain afterwards.
Nope nope nope NTA
NTA! His behavior IS concerning. Knocking on a woman’s door late at night??? Listen to your gut. There’s a reason why he is giving you a weird vibe.
NTA. Murders have happened like this. Stop engaging with him and get a better camera.
NTA. Politely knocking once or twice and then retreating is all I would do. I probably wouldn’t though cause I don’t think boxes on the porch are that serious.
Knocking like he did is a bit unhinged unless your home is visibly on fire.
NTA. You haven’t said but I’m betting you’re a younger woman. He would not be doing this if you were a man.
That is very creepy behaviour that needs to be nipped in the bud before he thinks you owe him something. Calling the police told him that you will not tolerate being harassed for no reason. Never ignore your gut, if it was telling you you weren’t safe then listen to it. Your instinct is there to protect you.
Cobgrats on getting your house! It’s a big step, and you did it!
First, ALWAYS trust your gut!!!
Second, he’s just creepy. 10:30? Nooo! He knows you are alone. I’m glad you called the police. My heart would have been racing out of my chest if this had happened to me.
Lastly, your neighbors are creeped out by him, too. They are probably glad you called the cops and are kicking themselves for not calling on him earlier.
You will never be an AH by protecting yourself from any form of harm.
NTA it’s your door, do what ever you want with it.
NTA. We had a neighbor like this. Started off him being overly friendly, offering to help with things etc. Ended with him trying to force his way into the house and being an absolute freak.
Called the police. Turns out he had an outstanding warrant. Whoops. Didn’t see him for a while.
Came back though. Needed to get a restraining order. Also became gun owners. Tangent; I fully believe many folks who are anti 2A have never been in a situation where they are fully beholden to the whims of the violent stranger with no means of protection.
This was our first home as well and it really soured the experience. We were never super fans of city / suburb living and this was the nail in the coffin for us. We live in the country now. My neighbor brings us squash that he’s grown.
NTA. You’re under no obligation to answer your door. Someone pounding on your door at 10!45 in the evening could be considered threatening — especially if you have early morning hours. Hopefully your neighbor learned his lesson and won’t do a repeat performance. If you can afford it, update your camera / doorbell.
NTA
Get cameras
Install a couple deadbolts some strong old fashioned chains on the door so you can track it
Get a new ring device to talk through
Get motion sensors on any windows that someone can crawl through.
Do this ASAP.
NTA. But, I would invest in a newer door camera and some cameras around the house.
Well 10:45 is far too late to knock on the neighbor’s door, normally. It kind of sucks cuz he was trying to be a good neighbor. Here’s what literally happened: he warned you people would steal stuff off of your porch. People then did indeed proceed to steal stuff off of your porch. So, you set a booby trap for the people stealing stuff from your porch. He came to warn you because he believed your booby trap was real and had value. He didn’t want you to get robbed again. So you called the police on him for his trouble. I’m really sorry, but you knew he was there to tell you they were your packages, and you still called the police on him? You could hear him tell you you had packages, yet you didn’t just shout back I know leave me alone go away? You went right to calling the police on a guy that was clearly trying to help you. He didn’t make up some pretense and just come over, you literally set a trap for him, in a sense. Despite it being very late, despite your “vibe and feeling,” all of these circumstances combined and the fact that he was literally proactively trying to help you prevent something that he warned you about and that actually had already happened to you, make you a REALLY HUGE AH. You need to bake this dude a cake and give him a sincere apology or something. Just talk to him and maybe give him your cell number so you can text or something when you have these issues. It really doesn’t sound like he’s out to get you, at least he wasn’t. He might not be on your side as much today.
NOTE: you can get a free Google voice number to text and communicate, and if things go south you can just delete the number. Even better, you’re interactions are in writing so if he does get creepy, you’ve actually got evidence. After I reread this I realize people would flip at the idea of you giving him your number, but most savvy people know there are ways to create ghost everything these days. Phone numbers, emails, you never give your real info to a stranger. And you set up firewalls for anyone you meet online or that you think may be specious. When I was online dating I never gave a woman my real number to start. And the Google number I created went through a couple of sub Google Gmail accounts, nothing identifiable to me.
NTA, for sure. IF he was genuinely trying to tell you about the packages, guy’s still nosy and weird as hell to be doing that so late at night and to be so ridiculously persistent with it. I think there’s a way higher chance that he was using that as an excuse, probably just to be his nosy intrusive self and bother you at 10 pm, but also always the chance it was more nefarious than that.
Honestly it might be a good thing that you’ve demonstrated to him that you won’t put up with his shit and that you will call the police if he’s doing something too sketchy. Keep things curt from the beginning, don’t be friendlier with him than necessary and keep your distance as much as possible, and hopefully eventually he takes a hint. But don’t be afraid to trust your gut and do what makes you feel safe.
He’s a pain in the ass, and shouldn’t be ringing your doorbell that late at night.. unless your house is on fire lol. Glad you called the cops on him. Maybe now he will leave you alone. If he gets nasty, get a restraining order. You are under ZERO obligation to answer the phone, your door, a text, an email…anything…until you are damn good and ready to do so.
NTA. It’s time to install an updated doorbell.
What he is doing is unusual. He lacks social skills. Some men were raised to think that women are helpless without a man around. Really helpless. I’m guessing that he is one of them. It doesn’t necessarily make him dangerous; it just makes him present whenever you have a physical or safety task to take care of. Hr will show up.
In my experience, men like that really struggle to get the message that independent women exist and can exist without them. They stay focused on being a “white knight gentleman.” It’s not an unsafe situation, but it’s annoying as hell. The situation is not helped by women who actually believe and act like they are helpless about anything that involves physical effort or safety. They act like they need a man. For the record, this is not an older generation problem. I know both women and men in their early 30s who think like this. “That’s a man’s job,” is a common refrain.
NTA, also get a gun if you live in the states and get trained how to use it.
Not sure where you’re from but if your “trap” harms the person that takes it you could be liable and even charged
NTA. Bad things happen when you’re not listening to your gut & intuition. If you watched enough true crime, you know that already.
If you can, get a medium-large size dog- in my experience it really helps with unsolicited visitors, like creepy neighbors & bible thumping cult recruiters.
NTA
Men will never understand the fear women have. I go walking at night in my neighborhood. There is no world where my wife would do that. This guy is just looking for an excuse to have an interaction with the OP.
So any guy who seems to think women are rude or cold or snobby > this is why. It takes calling the police to send a message of “not wanting these interactions”.
The police might have bene a bit overboard, but might as well draw the boundaries. If I saw someone’s package, I might knock on their door. If they don’t answer, I would stop. I’m not the package patrol. You could have shouted through the door, but why is that your job?
You aren’t required to confirm that you’re in a life-threatening situation before you call the cops.
You did the right thing. NTA
NTA. Trust your gut.
NTA, I wouldn’t answer the door to ANYONE knocking on my door at that time of night unless I knew they were coming ahead of time, let alone a stranger. This is weird, please stay safe OP
NTA
Boss move. He knows you will fight unwanted engagement. Don’t engage with him. Ignore him. Don’t respond.
It feels rude. Ironically, you have the best outcome wirh people like him by ignoring them. It is likely to get worse before it gets better.
Tell your nearby friends. Have them scheduled to come by regularly. Make sure they see him. Make sure he sees them. He doesn’t want witnesses.
He’s not trying to alert you to anything, he’s just harassing you. As others have said, alerting you to the packages was just a pretext.
Anyone banging on the windows at 10:45 pm deserves to have the cops called WTF. Of course you’re NTA and I’m sorry this is your welcome to the neighborhood.