My mom has a new boyfriend who made me and my fiancée uncomfortable. He kept looking at my fiancée up and down and also told her she doesn’t have the right to talk when she’s around him? Every time she’d talk he had to intervene and say something so she couldn’t talk.
My mom is homeless of right now with her new boyfriend, I told my mom she could live with us but he couldn’t and she yelled at me and told me I was ungrateful for the fact she gave birth to me she said I wouldn’t take care of her and her bf like she did when I needed her. And I just want to add I’ve been in foster care until now.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
My mom has a new boyfriend who made me and my fiancée uncomfortable. He kept looking at my fiancée up and down and also told her she doesn’t have the right to talk when she’s around him? Every time she’d talk he had to intervene and say something so she couldn’t talk.
My mom is homeless of right now with her new boyfriend, I told my mom she could live with us but he couldn’t and she yelled at me and told me I was ungrateful for the fact she gave birth to me she said I wouldn’t take care of her and her bf like she did when I needed her. And I just want to add I’ve been in foster care until now.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> It might make me the asshole because I didn’t give him a chance
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. If your mom wants to live with her boyfriend, then they should get their own place. You’re not obligated to house anyone, especially someone who won’t respect your fiancée! It’s ironic that she’s trying to guilt you for not taking care of her when she didn’t even provide for you as a child.
NTA. You’re offering to do your mom a favor, it’s completely reasonable to put ground rules around that favor (i.e. it’s just her living with you and not her boyfriend). That would be true even if the boyfriend was an amazingly nice guy with whom you got along great.
NTA. You can let whomever you want live with you, and not let whomever you want also for whatever you want. Your mother’s BF is not your responsibility. Even without the foster care, a parent raising you isn’t something a child needs to pay back – it’s an obligation a parent takes on the moment they decide to have a child.
But, your mother has no leg to stand on. She wants a place to live, she either accepts your conditions or she goes someplace else.
Obviously you’re not.
NTA.
NTA. You’re going above and beyond by offering your mother a place to stay, if she chooses not to accept it because she can’t bring her creepy boyfriend, that’s on her.
NTA your mom did not provide for you as a child – that was her job. It is NOT your job to provide for her now. The way she is treating you, and bringing such a horrible man around you, absolutely not.
Personally I would go as low contact with her as you can.
NTA, and to be honest, I wouldn’t allow your mother to move in either, as she WILL have her boyfriend to visit and I’d put good money on him “visiting” for lengthy periods of time, like every day “forever”.
You do not owe your mother anything for having given birth to you, she owed you a decent upbringing, which it sounds like she didn’t deliver on if you were in foster care.
Tell your mother that you will not have her boyfriend living with you. Period. On the basis of her entitlement and yelling at you, the offer to her is also now withdrawn and she won’t be living with you either. Period. Don’t argue about anything else/any other reason – it just gives her more to shout about.
No one has EVER won an argument with, “ungrateful for the fact she gave birth to me.” Because what that says is that anything a parent does will forever be okay. Move on.
NTA at all.
You didn’t ask to be born, and you don’t owe your mother a thing. Every parent owes their child 18 years of shelter, food, clothing, and LOVE. If they provide those things, then you owe them love, gratitude, and respect. But not financial support.
Sounds like she came up way short, so she owes you big-time.
You’re being nice to offer to let HER live with you. You absolutely don’t have to invite her boyfriend in, certainly not when he’s being an AH to you or your fiancee.
NTA. She chose him and homelessness rather than you.
lol I this a joke? Obv NTA. Your mom sounds like a piece of work
NTA. Tell her she can go into foster care. That’s what she did for you…
Nta
Don’t take in your mom. If they’re homeless they’re probably on drugs. How dare her act that way that’s pretty ungrateful. They’re adults and you aren’t responsible for them.
NTA – and perhaps you shouldn’t even consider letting mom move in. Sounds like she doesn’t have her priorities straight. Don’t invite unnecessary drama into your home. Tell mom that she and bf will have to figure out their living situation elsewhere. If you are feeling generous, look up local agencies that provide services for homeless and provide your mom with that information. So many people have been burned by allowing others to move in “temporarily” to their home. Once someone establishes residency, the actual occupants either face eviction for violation of their lease terms, or if they own the property, have to go through a long and expensive process to evict the person they kind-heartedly allowed to move in. Don’t end up in either situation.
NTA
Absolutely NTA. You have every right to choose who lives in YOUR home. As someone else said above,tell your mum she’s no longer welcome even alone-as it sounds like she’d just use the opportunity to sneak her bf in.
As for the rest-even if she had looked after you as a child,that should be because you were her child she CHOSE TO GIVE BIRTH TO! She & bf are adults. They can look after themselves.
Finally,you owe your mum nothing. It’s a disgusting attempt at emotional manipulation. I have two adult kids,one of whom still lives with me and you know what I told them they owe me for birthing them?
Bugger all. Because that’s the truth for any rightminded parent.
Go have a lovely life with your fiancée and let go of these toxic people. They don’t deserve your time.
So NTA.
<s/ How did that work, your Mom taking care of you and your boyfriend in foster care? /s>
NTA
Go no contact with that woman. The audacity to say you’re ungrateful because she birthed you and didn’t even raise you?? Hell nah.
Live your life in peace and let her live the life she’s chosen for herself. You are not responsible for her bad decisions
NTA for standing your ground. I definitely wouldn’t allow your mom to move in then, especially after she said that. Chances are if she moves in, the bf will be over all the time but it’ll be “okay” because he’s just “visiting”
NTA. But be smart and don’t let her move in. You will find him “just visiting” to the point he will be de facto living there.
Also look up tenet/squatter rights in your area. If you become over your mom staying or him when she lets him move in (and she will), what will your options be? If it’s a headache to get them out, don’t even let them through the door.
If you’re feeling generous, provide her a list of shelters or other social services you may have in your area.
NTA
Do you have a trusted adult who can help you navigate this? It is likely not the smartest choice to let even your mom stay with you, though I get why you want to do it. You are not responsible for your mom and are definitely not responsible for her boyfriend. The earlier you set boundaries the easier it will be for her to not drag you down with her. You can support her without putting yourself at risk
NTA. Obviously she didn’t take care of you. I am going to make assumptions about the reason you were in foster care based on you moms reaction. The boyfriend is a hard NO and I would withdraw your offer to let her live with you too. They are adults and will have to make their own way now.
So why can’t she live with him?her boyfriend is a sexist asshole acting as though he is too important to listen to your finacee talk
“told her she doesn’t have the right to talk when she’s around him.” Oh HELL to the no!!! Also looking your fiance up and down… ewwwwwww.
I think your Mom is delusional. Maybe point out that you are being super kind even offering to house her since she hasn’t managed to do that for you. Then again I’m petty. Don’t let the BF move in. NTA.
NTA…You have nothing positive to gain by housing either of them.
NTA. So – your mother was unable to provide a home for you in the past? Well, then there should be no expectation that you do the same for her. Even if that weren’t the case, telling someone who pays the bills not to talk, is beyond the pale. Just tell mom that it is not possible for either of them to live with you now. In most cities there is a phone line where you can reach out for emergency housing. I assume that they are homeless due to bad decisions and bad luck. You come first in your life. Take care of YOU.
nta
Nope! Nothing owed. Children owe their parents nothing for being born and raised. Zero responsibility to an extra adult or 2. NTA
NTA – We don’t come into this world choosing to. Your mom chose to have you and that comes with raising you. And yes it is unfortunate that she’s homeless but why would you take in not just 1 extra mouth to feed but 2?!? In this economy? Plus he’s already given you both this ick and has the balls to say your fiancée isn’t allowed to talk in her own home? I’d put a stop to this fast and say he’s never welcomed in your house even if you 2 still decide to help her out. And if you do she better help out in some way. If it’s not money for groceries then maybe she can cook and clean while she saves to get a room to rent or her own place with her creep. But also if you do decide to let your mom move in please put up cameras so you know that man isn’t coming into your home. That is your and your fiancée’s safe place and I’d hate for either one of you not feel comfortable in your home.
Don’t even let your mother move in man i promise you you’ll regret it and i almost guarantee it’ll cause issues between you and your fiancee, with the way your mom reacted to you saying no to her boyfriend moving in id also take a guess that you letting her move in is just gonna give her even more of a sense of entitlement and open the door to her demanding more and more from you. I would set really clear boundaries that include neither of them moving in with you.
NTA at all. I’m sorry your mother failed you. It sounds like you’ve put in a lot of work to be stable. Do not let her undo all that.
You didn’t ask to be born but you were and as such your mother was responsible for providing for you and she couldn’t even do that, your mother is not a stable person and at this point in her life she needs to adult and live her life without mooching off you.
As harsh as it may sound, stand your ground. if your mother insists on bringing creepy along as a package, then you have to let her remain homeless. Follow your instincts. You know there’s something not right about him. You are definitely NTAH.
NTA
Your mom is going to get her boyfriend in there too if you allow her to move in. Her BF saying that your fiancee shouldn’t be able to speak? What the heck? Pay attention to your spidey senses. Don’t allow EITHER of them in. It’s like letting a vampire in. You owe your mom nothing.
NTA
I’m no doctor but my mother was a narcissist and she says things like that to me all the time. It’s common for narcissistic parents to say things like, I took care of you and you were a child so now you have to return the favor. I’m thinking your mom might be a narcissist as well. Either way, you’re not wrong here.
NTA – it is not just your place. It is your fiancee’s as well. Why would you let a man who disrespects her and feels she needs to be subserviant to him move in? You would be putting her at possible risk and definitely making her life worse.
The only way you’d be a AH was if you were inviting your mother to stay without her opinion. It was never your decision alone – did you actually ask your fiancee what she felt about inviting your mother to stay?
NTA! You’re not obligated to let someone treat your fiancée like that, no matter who they are.