My boyfriend (30m) and I (32F) moved in together about two years ago to an apartment both were happy with the cost of, back then we made roughly the same amount and split rent evenly.
Since then he has climbed in salary quite substantially and is now making a bit more than originally. He is also quite a bit more career focused than me. On my side the last year have been hard and I’m been struggling with quite severe burnout and some old mental issues that I’m trying to find a therapist to help me with. Due to this I’m working 75% (Due to sick leave) and am now taking home half as much as my boyfriend is.
This makes it so that he has way more money over each month for entertainment and savings were as I barely have anything left after the bare necessities which is another load on my mental health.
I’ve been thinking of suggesting splitting our rent based on our income but not sure how common this is. How would you handle this situation?
Tl:dr, How should we split our rent when one makes substantially more and the other is on sick leave?
Comments
Yes, your rent should be split according to your income. Otherwise you’re subsidising him and struggling yourself.
I think he should take care of his life partner if you need it. If he makes enough money to cover you both for a little bit while you get up on your feet, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t have the empathy and love to do that.
Me and my partner have swung either way with this topic. Right now I’m starting school to get my career and so he’s paying for everything while I take care of the house and go to school. – but he makes a lot of money meaning I can do this comfortably. If we couldn’t afford it I’d work my ass off to make sure we’re okay.
I’ve taken care of him when he was in school- but that’s me. I take the in sickness and health seriously and wouldn’t be with a human that didn’t take care of me like I would them.
I am generally an advocate for splitting expenses based on income, and with that comes adjusting the split based on changes in income. Part of being in a relationship is supporting the other person, so that can mean picking up the slack when the other person needs help. You should talk to your BF about this and see what they think. Maybe they are okay with a permanent adjustment to “income based split” or maybe they are willing to pick up the 25% slack from your health issues temporarily. Both would be reasonable, IMO. It doesn’t really matter what a bunch of strangers on the internet think, you need to talk to your BF.
Being a partner means stepping up when the other person needs it- if you’re struggling to make ends meet, tell your bf that you need support.
In my personal opinion if BOTH of you are on the lease, it should be split 50/50. With adjustments based on life changes. For example if one of you is making 50K and the other is making 150K obviously splitting rent down the middle isn’t ideal depending on the apartment chosen.
Yet for many of us old school guys who make more than our significant other we take care of other things/responsibilities.
As an example before my wife and I were married we split rent 50/50. I paid for all food (groceries, date nights, Door Dash and etc.). I also paid for all entertainment. She paid our electricity. What I’m saying is, we discussed what works for us.
Discuss what works for your personal situation with your boyfriend. Try to look at it this way with your financial situation., what would you do if you were “single”?
I imagine your boyfriend loves and cares for you ultimately wanting you to be mentally healthy while having a mutually beneficial situation. Talk to him.
No way. You’ve chosen to work part time for your mental health. He’s continuing to work full time. You can’t penalize him for working harder.
Think of it this way: would the landlord reduce your rent because you’ve switched to part time? No, probably not. So why do you think it’s fair for you to pay less now just because you’ve reduced your income?
I think he should help take care of his life partner but he isn’t obligated to pay more in rent because you have decided to work less and make less. It def needs to be a discussion about how you see your future together. If you two see a future together like marriage and kids, then this is an attribute that you would want to- him helping you in a partnership. But if you haven’t been dating in a long time or he isn’t sure of the future and doesn’t want to help, then that is an attribute that might not be attractive to you.