Is it crazy to feel sad when your toxic fam just proves you right? My mom blew things out of proportion YET AGAIN yesterday over something that should be so simple. I can’t ever forgive her for the way she has been acting while I’m pregnant. I’m grieving the loss of the mom I thought I had , the mom I deserve ! Instead I’m left with a narcissistic, guilt tripping inconsiderate one. I have to keep myself angry because if I don’t I’ll start to slip back into feeling bad for her and feeling guilty for lowering contact with her even though she has done me SO wrong . I just really need some words of support . This is the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with because it’s my own mother causing me stress during a time where most moms would just be supportive- it’s even harder because she gave me a backhanded non apology , placed blame on everyone and me and guilt tripped me so hard about not speaking to her enough.. I told her I needed space and she has messaged me daily since and is mad that my replies aren’t what they used to be . I am just so tired 😪 I just want to make it to my baby shower in July and the only reason I feel I have to is cause she paid for and booked everything already (which I explicitly asked her not to at first bc I didn’t want her to be the only one planning my shower )
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You have been direct with her about what you need right now. It is understandable that you mourn the loss of the woman you thought she was.
Mute her texts. Reply to them every 3 or 4 days. (Then pick and choose what comments to reply to.)
If she comments on the delay, tell her, ‘I told you I need a little space. I am taking it. Don’t go away mad, please. Just understand I’m going through some big changes and need the headspace to handle them.’
This adulting thing is not for sissies. You got this Mama!
I’m so sorry OP – learning to mourn the mom you should have had is a difficult thing to do, plus don’t forget you are growing a whole new human from scratch at the same time.
Be kind to yourself. It’s ok to respond as little as you want. Try not to feel guilty or at least learn to refuse to accept the guilt she’s trying to force on you because you have done nothing to feel guilty about.
Plus, if she realises guilt trips get her what she wants, you will only get more of them – especially around the time your little one arrives.
So only focus on you and your nuclear family right now. That’s all that matters. You’ve told her to give you space so take it. Don’t answer the door if she turns up out of the blue. Protect your peace.
Learn from her what NOT to do with your LO. The nastiness ends with you. You have all the power with the baby for as much or as little contact as YOU WANT.
Have you visited the ‘raised by” subs? Raised by narcissists might be a good place to start. It might be useful tolook around and see if you think it fits. This sub is very supportive, but if you go on the “raised by” subs, it can give you more info on why your birth givers are the way they are, how to make sure we raise our own children differently and protect them from our parents etc. I wish you so much luck, abusive parents love to act up and show their true nature when their own children are pregnant… it’s a difficult reality when the day hits that you realize the people that should be trying to protect and nurture you, try to control and attention seek from you at your most vulnerable times… it’s so, so hard but there is hope to get through it. You have to grieve that parent you thought you had… and then try to slowly set boundaries and limit contact…
Edit to add: if you haven’t told her your due date or hospital your delivering at, I’d keep that to myself if I were you. Information diet will bring you more peace. I feel for you. I’ve been through this