I (45m) got married late in life and my wife and I had our first child (1m). We live in a separate state from the rest of my family and visit maybe once a year.
Growing up, my father’s sister (69f) made my life a living hell for some reason. She would be in my much older brother’s ear about how my parents preferred me over him. She would tell my parents that I would end up just like her juvenile delinquent daughter. Now that I’m an adult, she now will point out if I’ve gained weight, remind me of any mistakes I’ve made in life and generally just be nasty and shit talk me to everyone.
I had finally had enough during a random encounter with her while I was with a coworker. My coworker was singing my praises for helping her with the transition into her new role and that I was a good friend. My aunt said that couldn’t possibly be true and that I’m bad at my job. My coworker was appalled and asked if my aunt really was related to me.
Once my son was born, I put my foot down and said I would not allow this toxic relationship anywhere near my boy as I want to protect him from her bull shit. We all recently met up in my home state for a wedding and when she bee-lined to me and my son, I abruptly ignored her and went to a different part of the venue.
My family generally understands my feelings towards her but thought I should have taken it easy since it was a joyous family event. My wife is firmly on my side. I want my son to have family, especially since he’s the youngest by far, but I don’t think being family is a pass to be a prick to someone. AITA?
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I (45m) got married late in life and my wife and I had our first child (1m). We live in a separate state from the rest of my family and visit maybe once a year.
Growing up, my father’s sister (69f) made my life a living hell for some reason. She would be in my much older brother’s ear about how my parents preferred me over him. She would tell my parents that I would end up just like her juvenile delinquent daughter. Now that I’m an adult, she now will point out if I’ve gained weight, remind me of any mistakes I’ve made in life and generally just be nasty and shit talk me to everyone.
I had finally had enough during a random encounter with her while I was with a coworker. My coworker was singing my praises for helping her with the transition into her new role and that I was a good friend. My aunt said that couldn’t possibly be true and that I’m bad at my job. My coworker was appalled and asked if my aunt really was related to me.
Once my son was born, I put my foot down and said I would not allow this toxic relationship anywhere near my boy as I want to protect him from her bull shit. We all recently met up in my home state for a wedding and when she bee-lined to me and my son, I abruptly ignored her and went to a different part of the venue.
My family generally understands my feelings towards her but thought I should have taken it easy since it was a joyous family event. My wife is firmly on my side. I want my son to have family, especially since he’s the youngest by far, but I don’t think being family is a pass to be a prick to someone. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did not allow my aunt to meet my son because she’s been awful to me my whole life. I don’t think being family is a pass to be a jerk to people.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
>Now that I’m an adult, she now will point out if I’ve gained weight, remind me of any mistakes I’ve made in life and generally just be nasty and shit talk me to everyone
I think it’s a fair assumption that she would drip poison into your child’s ear as well. That’s just who she is.
It’s unfortunate you’ve been exposed to her harassment. Moving forward, you can make the choice to protect your son from her influence.
NTA
NTA. I only wish that your parents could have protected you the way that you’re protecting your son. She sounds like an awful woman.
I had a great-aunt like this. She was never happy unless she was making someone else miserable. NTA. Protect your family.
NTA. “My family generally understands my feelings towards her …” stop them, right there; tell them that there are “ifs. ands, or buts” allowed.
Absolutely NTA. Good for you, honestly.
Simple answer to your question: No. You are NTA.
NTA. I would block her, and if anyone questioned me about it, I would say something like, “I have no need in my life for someone to cut me down at every opportunity, which is the only function she has ever served for me. Strangers on the street who completely ignore me treat me better than she does. I have no desire to inflict that sort of person on my child.”
NTA. being family is not a pass. a good rule of thumb to follow is if they don’t treat you well they won’t treat your offspring well either. i’m sure it’s a stressful position to be in if you have limited family to pick from but take her out the pot regardless, she doesn’t need to be around your child.
NTA. You’re doing great, actually
I wouldn’t want anyone like that around my child. NTA.
NTA.
Your son doesn’t need this person in his life. You have other family, and even if you didn’t, you can *choose* a family.
When it comes to rare events like this wedding, I suggest you do what you did this time. That person was nobody to your 1yo. Babies are like magnets for old ladies. By the time he’s 4, she’ll have lost all interest.
NTA as a parent you have one job to keep your kid safe. That is what you are doing.
NTA…If your family REALLY understands, they should support your decision. They probably should have done more to support you before it came to this point.
>it was a joyous family event
NTA, and good move. You kept the awful aunt from spoiling that joyous event. That’s a clear win.
NTA where are your parents in this? Because they should of cut her off the moment she showed hostility towards you as a child but the thing that should of definitely motivated them to cut her off was her whispering all that rubbish in your brothers ear. How can they sit back letting one of their siblings try and cause a rift between 2 of their kids. I really hope they weren’t any of the family members who were telling you that you should of gone easier on her at the wedding, if they were you might want to reconsider your relationship with them because they seriously failed you as a child allowing that woman in your life.
NTA. Keep your child away from that venomous snake.
NTA. Protect your kid.
You ate making a good choice. Say she wasn’t family but just as nasty, ur family would wonder why u put up with it. So because ur related ur just supposed to take it? And you didn’t tell her off you just avoided her. I think if u ever alone u may want to let her know she’s a nasty piece of trash and to keep her distance.
NTA
My grandmother was like this. I didn’t cry when she died.
Do whatever you have to do to protect your little family.
NTA
Keep that toxic person out of your life. She could easily poison your son.
It sounds like you handled it with dignity and class.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. You removed yourself and your son away from her. You didn’t scream at her or tell he to get the f—k out of your face. You don’t have to share your kid with anybody who is unpleasant towards you.
NTA!! I wouldn’t let her meet my kids either, in fact, would like her info so I can be as far away as possible at all times 🤣
NTA!! I wouldn’t let her meet my kids either, in fact, would like her info so I can be as far away as possible at all times 🤣
Nta
There is absolutely nothing in life that says you can’t tell a nasty person to stay away with their nastiness. More people should.
Nta. Protect your son.
NTA. Toxic is toxic. Just because there is a biological link with someone doesn’t mean you have to put up with that shit. You didn’t make a scene. You walked away.
NTA
No family is better than toxic family. NTA