So I, 18F, am graduating high school this May. For context, I’ve known her, 47F, since I was 3 but never got close to her. There’s been several events that I’ve encountered with her that makes me not want her to celebrate this achievement with me. Recently I found out how many graduation tickets I’m getting, and I didn’t invite my stepmom. My dad, 47M, found out about this arrangement and got mad about it. He practically yelled at me saying she is the mother that raised me, and she deserves a place at my graduation just as much as he does. He told me if she doesn’t get a ticket she can’t go. I’m torn because I want my dad there with me, but i don’t want her there to celebrate with me. so, AITA
If you guys want, I can give y’all a list of things that’s happened.
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So I, 18F, am graduating high school this May. For context, I’ve known her, 47F, since I was 3 but never got close to her. There’s been several events that I’ve encountered with her that makes me not want her to celebrate this achievement with me. Recently I found out how many graduation tickets I’m getting, and I didn’t invite my stepmom. My dad, 47M, found out about this arrangement and got mad about it. He practically yelled at me saying she is the mother that raised me, and she deserves a place at my graduation just as much as he does. He told me if she doesn’t get a ticket she can’t go. I’m torn because I want my dad there with me, but i don’t want her there to celebrate with me. so, AITA
If you guys want, I can give y’all a list of things that’s happened.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t invite my stepmom to my graduation due to how she’s treated me all my life
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Is there a ticket available if you wanted her to come or are there limited seats?
INFO: who else are you inviting?
If you have an extra ticket, is it really so bad to have her sit through the ceremony? You won’t interact with her at all. It might not be the right battle to pick.
If you would rather invite grandparents, etc., because they were more important to your success in school, I wouldn’t fault you for that.
Talk to your dad and tell him why you don’t want her at your graduation. Be open and honest, cause he can’t force you to invite someone you don’t want, so I think the best option is to sit your dad down and tell him you don’t want her there to celebrate with you, but you do want him there
NTA
>There’s been several events that I’ve encountered with her that makes me not want her to celebrate this achievement with me.
That’s a good reason not to invite her. Did you talk to your dad about that?
Unfortunately, he’s siding with his wife, so if you want your dad there, she comes as a packaged deal. This won’t be the only time you’ll have to make a choice like this and it’ll never be easy.
Your lack of reasons for not inviting her makes me think YTA.
NTA but don’t expect your dad to support you and celebrate your graduation when you so obviously have excluded The person that makes him happy in his life. Your stepmom may not be perfect, but I will tell you the hardest job you’ll ever have in life is to be a step parent. Is the absolute most thankless job and probably the hardest thing you will ever do. I do hope that in the future, you don’t get put in the position to understand what you’ve done to your stepmom I think you will find just how hurtful and tacky it is.
If you have enough tickets to invite her, you invite her.
INFO: Do you currently live with this woman full time?
Not knowing the background makes it hard say one way or another. Have you spoken to your father and specifically told him why you want stepmom excluded? Are you having a graduation party after the ceremony? If so, will stepmom be at the party?
Not enough info really.
NTA – this actually happened to me.
Mom and dad both divorced and re-married. Mom, Stepdad, and Grandma flew up to be there for the graduation and dinner afterward (which was not a school event, we just were doing dinner). I lived with dad and stepmom.
In my case, my Grandma (mother’s mom) was ill, and wanted to see her last grandkid graduate. There were two tickets to the ceremony. Mom agreed to just have dad and grandma there. Stepmom was upset at this. You can do the math.
Finally I put my foot down and said I’d go up on stage and get the diploma ALONE rather than have everyone continue to get petty and argue with each other and me. So dad and grandma can come to the ceremony and we all go out for dinner, or NONE of you go and I’ll see you all at dinner. I think that finally snapped them all out of it and made them realize what little children they were being – when their actual child was showing a more adult attitude then any of them.
All of them deserve a place at your graduation. You do NOT get to control how many tickets you get, so they need to act like the adults they claim to be and figure it the hell out, or you’ll see them all after the ceremony and show them the paperwork then.
This isn’t about your stepmom, or your dad, or your mom, or anyone else. This is about YOUR graduation. They can support you by coming to some amicable agreement, or you take the day back for yourself!
How does stepmom feel or does she even know? I used to be that “stepmom” and I didn’t care. I enjoyed not having to deal with the child & her side of the family. So you at 18 are making your dad choose between you or his wife—-terrible for him.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to respond to things that bother you.
NAH.
It’s your graduation and there are limited tickets. Children of divorce have a difficulty, because they may have up to 4 parents and potentially 8 grandparents, not to mention aunts and uncles, etc. You don’t mention your mom or any stepfather, so I don’t even know if your parents are divorced or if you lost your mom.
You have a right not to invite your stepmom, even if there are enough tickets. But you need to understand that your father certainly is on solid ground to decline an invitation that does not include his wife.
That’s the part you’re missing. It’s not about whether you like your stepmom. It’s about whether you care enough about your dad’s feelings to allow him to bring his wife.
He’s made his position clear. Your move.
We need more info.
YTA
The short answer – speaking as a mom and a stepmom – is no…you shouldn’t be forced to invite anyone you don’t want to. That said, it might be a deal-breaker for your dad, which I get the feeling…is a situation you don’t want to face more.
There will likely be so many people there that you won’t be forced to have close contact with her.
But unless she’s done something heinous, and there’s no one else you want there more (like grandparents)…..what you need to decide is: is THIS the hill you want to die on with your dad? And I’m sorry you’re in this position…it’s a tough one for sure…but welcome to the world of adult information and tough decisions. XX
How many tickets did you get and who did you offer those to? I think we also need an example why you don’t want her to go.
Unless she’s been abusive to you, then YTA. From your post it doesn’t sound like she has been abusive but then there’s no details so hard to know
You’re not the asshole. Graduation is a big deal, and you should get to spend it with the people who truly supported and showed up for you.
If your stepmom hasn’t built a close relationship with you, then it makes sense that you don’t feel comfortable giving her one of your limited tickets. That doesn’t make you cruel or ungrateful, it just means you’re setting a boundary for your own peace on an important day.
Your dad’s feelings might be hurt, but that doesn’t make your decision wrong. You’re allowed to prioritize your own comfort and emotional safety, especially at a milestone like this.
If you’re willing to share a list of things that happened, it might help give people more context. But even without it, this doesn’t make you the villain.
You haven’t provided any details that allow us to determine whether your decision is reasonable. You’ve said she raised you for 15 years and that your father is upset by your exclusion of his wife. You haven’t provided any examples of poor behaviour on her part, only that you aren’t close. Based on that alone, it sounds like it’s possible YTA
I know you don’t want to hear this but, invite your stepmom. It would be cruel not to and puts your dad in a very difficult position.
If the ticket is going to a friend or acquaintance, then YTA. If there are simply not enough to go around for blood family members, NTA. You may have many reasons to dislike your stepmom now, but you’re very young. Both of my kids did not like my wife (their stepmom) for lots of reasons, none of which were founded in mature, real-life thoughts. Now that they are older, they have seen that maybe she wasn’t so bad after all, and they have a good relationship with her now. My 22 year old son gave her the most trouble, and didn’t want her to have a ticket to graduation. He has since apologized, and they are very cordial now. Your mind will mature over the years, and one of two things will be true: 1) You will realize that you were right all along, and stepmom deserves the treatment she got, or 2) You will mature in a way where your mind sees things differently, and you may have misunderstood her behavior, because you’re not handling the massive issues that adults handle raising a family, ESPECIALLY a blended one.
This stepmom raised you since the age of 3 years and you didn’t invite her?? Unless she abused you (which I assume you would have mentioned in your post if it happened), my vote is YTA