My sister (27F) is getting married and asked me (24F) to be one of her bridesmaids. I was excited — until I found out who the rest of the bridal party was. Every single one of them is someone she’s either not that close to, or has made fun of before for being “awkward” or “not photogenic.” Some of her actual best friends — the ones who she sees all the time — weren’t even asked.
It felt weird, so I asked her why she picked this group. She kind of laughed and said, “You’ll understand when it’s your wedding. You don’t want people who’ll outshine you in your own pictures.”
I just stared at her. I asked, “So you picked them because you think they’ll make you look better?” She rolled her eyes and said, “It’s not that deep. I just want to feel confident that day, and I’m allowed to be a little selfish for my wedding.”
That rubbed me the wrong way. I told her I didn’t want to be part of a bridal party built on tearing other people down — even subtly — and that she should’ve picked people she actually cares about.
Now she’s calling me judgmental and sensitive, and our mom says I’m being “too idealistic” and should just support her. But I feel like going along with it makes me complicit.
AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
My sister (27F) is getting married and asked me (24F) to be one of her bridesmaids. I was excited — until I found out who the rest of the bridal party was. Every single one of them is someone she’s either not that close to, or has made fun of before for being “awkward” or “not photogenic.” Some of her actual best friends — the ones who she sees all the time — weren’t even asked.
It felt weird, so I asked her why she picked this group. She kind of laughed and said, “You’ll understand when it’s your wedding. You don’t want people who’ll outshine you in your own pictures.”
I just stared at her. I asked, “So you picked them because you think they’ll make you look better?” She rolled her eyes and said, “It’s not that deep. I just want to feel confident that day, and I’m allowed to be a little selfish for my wedding.”
That rubbed me the wrong way. I told her I didn’t want to be part of a bridal party built on tearing other people down — even subtly — and that she should’ve picked people she actually cares about.
Now she’s calling me judgmental and sensitive, and our mom says I’m being “too idealistic” and should just support her. But I feel like going along with it makes me complicit.
AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may have avoided the conflict by just going along with it.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Going along with it knowing the real truth behind the motive would make you complicit. Tell her to get over herself. The big deal with fancy weddings is such medieval times bs that is mind fucked into young girls to spend money empowering the wedding conglomerates.
NTA.
Some may disagree, but I don’t do the ‘they’re family, so I must comply even with things I don’t agree with because they’re family/it’s their day’
They’re saying you’re being judgmental, but they’re literally making a judgment that anyone else would be the center of attention, but the bride.
NTA – tell the other Bridesmaids then post an update
(gets popcorn ready)
NTA – so what does this mean about how she thinks of you? And clearly she doesn’t think much about herself? It’s so sad that women are pushed to feel and act this way when this would likely not be happening to so many grooms. Applause to you for saying something and not participating.
NTA. I would be extremely hurt if a loved one or someone I thought wanted me to be part of their special day asked me to be part of something like the wedding party, but to be used as a pawn like this.
It is mean girl / catty behavior. Yes, she deserves to feel beautiful on her special day, but she’s ugly on the inside for doing this, even if no one else knows.
Stay strong.
NTA
NTA.
Your sister has some issues. Yikes.
NTA. Your sister is shallow.
NTA that’s such ugly behaviour
NTA
Although my opinion is let her do what she wants, shallow or not, she’ll have to live with the choice of shunning her best friends. I’d be more offended I was asked to stand after being told that and would refuse on that basis.
What’s wrong with having ideals? Kinda sounds like values. NTA.
No, your sister is. And your mother should be ashamed.
Nta and I’d send a message to those girls. Questions will definitely come up why none of her core group were asked and why her sister left. Because she lumped you right in with them.
Nta…so she thinks you’re uglier than her too? Ouch
[removed]
NTA. But your sister is right about one thing…. “It’s not that deep.” Because picking bridesmaids because the’ll make her look better is indeed “not deep.”
NTA that’s so gross for everyone involved.
The more I read this sub, the more disappointed I am in the human race.
NTA.
I think I would also say to the other bridesmaids that they should think long and hard about why sis has chosen them over her closest friends, and decide if they really want to be in the bridal party, because you no longer do.
“It’s not that deep” – correct, it’s incredibly shallow. “I’m entitled to be selfish because it’s my wedding” is such a shitty mindset.
100% NTA. Your sister is a very ugly person on the inside.
My first reaction was to laugh at the level of pettiness here which is insane. In your place I would not want to be associated or complicit in this farce. NTA
This reflects so poorly on your sister and I can’t help but think she’s fugly.
If I were you I would tell the bridesmaids and sit back and enjoy the show 🍿🥤
NTA
Not just them. You, too. You are right to feel both offended and insulted.
NTA. I would also feel offended because did she ask because she wants you there or because she thinks it makes her “look better”? That’s just icky.
NTA – yikes tho because she probably feels the same about you and me personally? i’d be HURT
NTA…this screams insecurity
No, but your sister definitely is. I would not want to be in this parade. You realize she thinks you’re not as attractive as she is, right?
Yikes!! I was going to ask if you were sure your parents brought the right baby home from the hospital, then I saw your mom’s comment!!
NTA