I just paid 75$ to see a guy’s nudes on OnlyFans and I feel disappointed. I am afraid that I will end up going deeper and deeper in this path. I paid at the time because I felt lonely and I wanted to be close to someone fully exposed even if it was just behind a screen. I wasn’t satisfied with the posts as well (Felt very clickbaity, but that’s on me). I am just afraid and I don’t want to continue down this road in the future.
I am not even a native in this country and I come from a poor background. If my parents found out they would kill me because I know that this money would buy our house 3-4 weeks worth of groceries. I feel shitty knowing that I have let them down. Like I spent all that money just because I was horny and wanted to be close to someone. Fml.
I don’t know what to do with my single ass when I am lonely. All I feel then is to just go and lie and hug someone. I have been trying to date but its just all guys want to do is hook up and I have not had much luck in the apps.
I feel very disappointed in myself knowing that my parents are busting their ass / have busted their asses all throughout their life to give ME a better life and what the hell do I do with it? Pay a big amount of money to see a guys nudes.
Comments
Hi /u/Worthless_Boy! Please be aware that no one here is a qualified medical professional; we cannot determine if you (or your partner) are or may be pregnant, or diagnose things like STD’s.
We strongly recommend that anyone who is sexually active educate themselves on things like anatomy, pregnancy/STI prevention, and consent. You may find the following resources helpful:
ScarleteenTons of free information on sex, gender/sexual identity, and relationships
Planned Parenthood sex ed to go: Contains short lessons on a variety of topics, available in English and Spanish
Planned Parenthood: birth control 101: Information on birth control options, including condoms, birth control pills, and longer-term options like the Depo shot, IUD’s, and implants.
Planned Parenthood: emergency contraception: If you’ve had unprotected sex, you may be able to take EC (“the morning-after pill” or Plan B) up to 3 days afterwards to potentially prevent pregnancy.
“The Guide to Getting it On”: A very comprehensive book about all aspects of sexual health, including the fun stuff! Easy to read and a very helpful resource.
National Abortion Federation: If you need to terminate a pregnancy, this org provides information, referrals, and financial assistance.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect are enforced on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or “trolling” comments will be removed (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods’ discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to help and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP’s parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed for any reason at all, no exceptions.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Ok, so you’re disappointed in yourself. $75 may be expensive in grocery terms, but it’s a relatively inexpensive life lesson.
For $75, you learned that instant gratification often leads to disappointing results. The expectations before are usually a lot higher than what actually happens, so it’s important to be smart about how to use money.
I think if you truly learn this lesson well, even your parents would feel ok about it, although I wouldn’t advertise that this happened to them!
How do you know if it’s worth spending money on something? Answer a few questions before you spend:
A good life rule is to train yourself to never make decisions outside of your boundaries when you are impaired. Horny is impaired. So in this case faced with an option you should have said I’ll decide tomorrow, slept on it and considered the next day when you weren’t worked up if you wanted to buy nudes. This works for any other high pressure salesperson too. Fear of missing out and pushing on your to make a decision now before you can think about it will rarely benefit you.
In advance decide what are ok things for you to do when impaired or if pressed. For me it’s ten dollars. If I want a game, or a drink or a food or a trinket or to tip someone for entertaining me it’s fine as long as it’s under ten dollars. Otherwise my rule is I have to think about it when I’m not in the moment. If that means I miss out sometimes that sucks but overall I’m happier.
Aren’t there free sites for that? Anytime you think about giving that kind of money to Only Fans, pay yourself instead. Save it.
Find someone you can have real intimacy with. Porn is never going to fill that hole no pun intended.
Next time, go on a dating app, find some one your league and take them for coffee.
You will never ever ever ever ever ever properly get rid of feelings of loneliness through porn. Porn will not bring you a fulfilling social life. It can provide temporary satisfaction to these feelings, but it will do nothing but bring you further from actual interactions with real people that will actually fix these feelings.
The way you wrote this post shows that you already know this to be dirty and not what you want with your life. Your subconcious couldn’t be more correct here. Listen to your gut and don’t become a porn brained loser.
You need therapy. This is maladaptive behaviour. You can change it.
give me $75 and i’ll be ur life coach, u can just talk to me ibstead of bad decisions
So—in the first place, it’s a little unfair to judge yourself based on what $75 will buy here, vs. there. You’re in the US (I’m guessing, based on the monetary unit?), and having to make your life work, here. Even if you are also sending money home, or if the money would have gone farther, elsewhere—your personal budget is, for better or worse, a US budget/local to you, now.
If you’d gone on a date with this guy, and gone home to spoon on the sofa, afterward, would that have felt like $75 well-spent? Because $75 is about one nice dinner out, for two people. I think it’s reasonable to feel about that amount disappointed or embarrassed about it, like “damn, I wish I’d kept that money, and held out for the guy who wanted to get dinner and hang out.” You can’t judge every choice or mistake you make, based on what that money could, theoretically have bought for your parents—given that you aren’t there, living their life, in that specific economy. Setting that as the standard will make you feel terrible even if you are perfectly responsible and careful, 100% of the time, and that doesn’t help anybody.
It is normal and understandable to want to feel close to someone. That isn’t self-indulgent or inappropriate or unreasonable. People need closeness, affection, and contact—all of us do—and it is often hard for adults, especially for men, to find that contact outside a romantic or sexual relationship. So, okay, you tried to meet that need in a way that didn’t work. It cost more money than it turned out to be worth, to you. Now you know.
Maybe it’s okay to just let that be the punishment. You spent some money on something you actually turned out not to want; and it didn’t get you closer to the thing you actually do. That’s it; that’s the consequence—you’re out the money, and you’re no closer to the thing you really wanted. That sucks; it’s painful enough. Beating yourself up will not drive the lesson home—it will just leave you feeling sadder and lonelier, which will make it that much harder to choose differently, the next time.
Meeting guys you can actually get to know is hard—and you’re right; online, even the other guys who are just as miserably lonely, and also want to date, are just there to hook up. Meeting in person is really better. If you can, joining an actual organization is the way to go—take a class; join the local men’s chorus, get a membership at an affirming gym; something. But if that’s not really available where you are, there is a method to doing it at the bar, too.
Don’t just go, cruise the bar, and leave with the first guy you find. He’s also just there to hook up.
Go the same night, the same time, every week. You can check out a few nights at a few places, first—see where and when you like the energy. If there’s a karaoke night, or a weekly drag show, or whatever, check that out a time or two. But once you find something? Go regularly. Open a tab. Tip the bartender well. Make polite conversation; smile and nod. It’s fine to people-watch and absent-mindedly sip your drink, but resist the urge to just scroll on your phone, all night.
It will be awkward, at first; but after a few weeks, you will find that you start to know people. There will be someone who shows up and sings karaoke at the same time, every week; or a group of grad students that shows up after class; or a bartender who welcomes a little conversation while the night is still slow. Maybe you’ll connect with one of those people—maybe it will be their friend, or their cousin, or just the new guy who shows up a couple of months after you do, and is waiting for someone he can start a conversation with. Maybe, in the meantime, you will make some friends, and be able to count on an occasional hug, a kiss on the cheek, some regular conversation with someone who was also feeling lonely.
You don’t need harsher punishment or stricter rules for yourself. You need a life that doesn’t feel so lonely. So—if you can—try to offer yourself a little patience and compassion. It’s hard to be alone, and we’ve all been there. And then do yourself the favor of getting out of the house, even if it’s difficult, and meeting some people who might help you be less alone.
Your parents are busting their ass to give you a better life? Affection, companionship, and closeness with other people are part of that better life. It was a good impulse to seek those; you’re just still learning how to do it. Turns out it wasn’t OnlyFans. Okay—that’s not the end of the world. You tried it; you know.
Now you can go try something different.
Word of advice, though—if you end up with $75 and a powerful loneliness burning a hole in your pocket, again? Get a massage, instead. That’s not a euphemism; I just mean a plain, boring massage, from a massage therapist. It’s not the same thing as a hug from a friend or partner—but it will help with that deep, bodily need for physical contact. If you’re going to drop $75 on something—it might as well be something that will actually soothe and regulate your body in the ways you’re craving; and a massage will.
If you were looking for a connection, paying for a transactional connection is super unhealthy. I know we are in an every increasingly capitalist society but I worry about kids being SO transactional with things.
Look, $75 is a low amount of money to learn a lesson. You could have taken that money and bought a class or two of an activity and maybe met some new people.
I highly recommend thinking about what you are really passionate about and getting involved with you. Grow your friend group. Foster new connections. You won’t be so inclined towards this behavior if your emotional needs are getting met with more quality interactions with others.