Hi friends- I 25f am marrying my fiancé 29m in the fall though we started wedding planning late were really not struggling to find vendors anyway today we toured like 5 venues the first 4 weren’t really my first option and i honestly didn’t care to see them because they simply aren’t my style the venue I wanted was last in the list it but as soon as I saw it I knew it was the one . So this is a southern style venue so it’s abt 45 min out of the city and while it took me 38 min to get there from the 4th venue we toured my mil got lost and took her abt 50 min as soon as she got there she hated it bc it was “far” and also the property had a lake view immediately she like no what if the kids get out her and drown 1st of all that why I said no kids and second of all peoples kids aren’t my responsibility. any way I made it clear this is the one I want its perfect in the budget and everything. But all she can complain about is what people are gonna say what people are gonna do and how it far . To which I respond with if people don’t care for me enough to drive 45 min then I don’t care for them to celebrate with me anyway we went our separate ways but very obvious she’s upset and it’s really pissing me off/ at the end of the day this day matters to me and my fiancé more then it does to any one else and I don’t wanna think back and see that I settled for a venue I didn’t want for the convince of other people AITAH?
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Hi friends- I 25f am marrying my fiancé 29m in the fall though we started wedding planning late were really not struggling to find vendors anyway today we toured like 5 venues the first 4 weren’t really my first option and i honestly didn’t care to see them because they simply aren’t my style the venue I wanted was last in the list it but as seen as I saw it I knew it was the one . So this is a southern style venue so it’s abt 45 min out of the city and while it too me 38 min to get there from the 4th venue we toured my mil got lost and took her abt 50 min as soon as she got there she hated it bc it was “far” and also the property had a lake view immediately she like no what if the kids get out her and drown 1st of all that what I said no kids and second of all peoples kids aren’t my responsibility. any way I naked it clear this is the one I want its perfect in the budget and everything. But all she can complain about is what people are gonna say what people are gonna do and how it far . To which I respond with if people don’t care for me enough to drive 45 min then I don’t care for them to celebrate with me anyway we went our separate ways but very obvious she’s upset and it’s really pissing me off/ at the end of the day this day matters to me and my fiancé more then it does to any one else and I don’t wanna think back and see that I settled for a venue I didn’t want for the convince of other people AITAH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) If I’m the ass hole for telling her that I didn’t care about who came 2.) I feel bad because I know it’s her son at the end of that day but truly doesn’t make sense to me to settle for a venue over the convenience of others
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It’s your day, and if the venue’s perfect for you, that’s what matters. If people can’t be bothered to travel, that’s on them.
Don’t let your mother-in-law guilt you into settling for something you don’t want. You do you.
NTA. This isn’t your MIL’s wedding. It’s yours. If she doesn’t like the venue, too bad for her. If people are unwilling to make the drive, that’s on them. I’m curious though, is MIL paying for it or something?
NTA. It’s your wedding, and you deserve to choose the venue you want. If people don’t want to make the effort, that’s on them. Your day, your choice.
Unless your MIL is paying for the wedding, traditionally, they groom’s parents have not a lot of sway or say in the wedding.
I cannot even imagine why she was invited to view the venue options, honestly.
NTA
You are NTA.
Is there any particular reason that you and your fiance brought his mother along on your venue search? What did he think of her remarks?
She should have been a supportive participant who deferred to the bride and groom on all matters.
NTA. Go with the venue you choose. She’s mad because she got lost
Don’t let her piss you off. She is not worth it. Have your wedding where, when, & how you want. 45 minute drive is nothing. Go forth & prosper. NTA
NTA you’re 100% right. It’s your and your fiancé’s wedding and real ones won’t care about a 45 min drive!
NTA. But be forewarned, this is likely to be a pattern in your marriage.
Does your fiancé have your back?
You and your fiance get to make the choices, and to get married the way that feels right to you – especially if you are paying for it. If you love a place 45 minutes away that seems pretty reasonable – lots of people pick venues that are far more inconvenient than that, or even abroad, and their loved ones find a way to get there.
So whatever your m-i-l says, what you are doing is absolutely normal. It would not cause any surprise to anyone I know, and I bet all your guests are fine with it. I can’t think of a single wedding that was within an hour from where we live. I got married 4 hours away from my parents, and 3 hours away from my in-laws, because it was the place we met and made our home. My husband’s best man and his wife got married in Scotland, 8 hours from us and any family, and it was the most glorious and memorable event. I drove 4 hours to the wedding of a childhood friend, and we flew to France for my brother’s wedding. And right now one of my colleagues is planning a wedding 3 hours from his family, because they wanted a perfect venue. I suspect that you could only expect things to happen on your doorstep if the wedding only involves people who live within a very tight-knit community and have never moved away from where they grew up.
NTA.
Tell her to hire a bus for people. NTA, it’s your wedding, your choice.
my boyfriend and i flew from texas to north carolina for one of his high school friends’ weddings. i think your statement is correct on if they care enough, they’ll drive 45 minutes. it’s YOUR wedding and YOUR budget, so fuck whatever your mil has to say. tell her she can pick the venue if she’s gonna finance the wedding 🤣
nta
NTA.
45 minutes is not that far. People will figure it out, they can car pool. If there is a big enough group they might decide to hire a bus to take them there together. Sounds like MIL is just being contrary.
NTA. MIL is putting up obstacles that have no merit. What does fiancé say? Has MIL tried to take over planning or does she just not want her son to get married? You choose what you love for your wedding. Did you notice that sentence didn’t have a single she/her in it? Ignore her. Congratulations!
Absolutely NTA. Draw the boundaries now and cut her out of your marital life. Its not her wedding, she has no right to decide what u both want and how
When I got married (a jillion years ago), our venue was a seven-hour drive from our home. People made a weekend out of it. If they couldn’t come, they couldn’t come. Your wedding is about YOU TWO and absolutely nobody else. Tell your FMIL that she doesn’t have to attend if she doesn’t like it.
NTA.
If it’s THAT big of a deal to her that it’s “far” ask her to hire a party bus for her side of the family… I did, transported 35 people, round trip was $1300 for the evening on a really nice bus that included drinks! I imagine it would be much more affordable to get a school style bus rental! If she wants to be involved in the planning, She’s welcome to find solutions to “problems” too!
I totally get not caring if people don’t come celebrate you. I too wanted a child free wedding initially, but when I sat down to make my guest list I realized how many of my family members wouldn’t be able to attend/be in photos at the wedding if I made that choice. I ultimately decided to go ahead and invite kids, hired a designated “babysitter” group to watch the areas of the venue I was worried about safety wise & even had a white bounce house set up at the reception. Everyone loved it!
Going child-free may cause some issues in the family dynamic, def think about it carefully before sending the invites.
NTA I hope this is not a precursor to how she’s going to be when you’re married. I am Mother of the groom , and the only thing that my husband and I said no about was the rehearsal dinner. We are both allergic to a specific meat. We asked that particular meat not be available or part of the rehearsal dinner. I don’t think that was unreasonable at all , but what your future MIL is doing sends out all kinds of red flags. Make sure your fiance has your back in this because if he doesn’t, that’s trouble.
As long as you & your fiancé are happy with the venue, that is all the matters. Could always hire a bus and it can take people to wedding/reception & then back to drop off point. That is what a lot of people do here in Australia for weddings less then an hour away.
NTA, it is your wedding that you are paying for. Your choice.
NTA, it’s not that far to drive honestly. Pay for the wedding yourself. Have fiancé tell her she can gift you cash to put toward the down payment on a honeymoon or a house. That way she can’t ask for anything in terms of wedding planning.
When you say “southern style” do you mean plantation?
NTA, OP. She is trying to control something and this is what she’s chosen. Depending on where you live, 45 or 50 minutes isn’t a big ask, especially if parking isn’t an issue. Your fiance needs to take point on this one, otherwise this is a preview of coming attractions.
NTA! It’s your wedding. If people want to be there, they will.
I’m getting married on a Fall Wednesday 1.5-2 hours away from where we/guests live. My FMIL complained about the same thing, said she hopes we don’t like it before we toured the venue, welp, we fell in love with it. If people want to be there, they will figure it out.
Congratulations!!