Please tell me I’m not overreacting because I am ready to die on this hill. My (31F) MIL (62F) has been watching my 13 month old 3 days a week since February. My husband and I work the same hours 8-4:30, so my MIL gets my 6yr old on the bus at 8:30 and gets her off the bus at 4:40.
Today we were talking about our days and she said she did something “scandalous”. She didn’t want to take the baby to the bus stop in the rain (we live 2 houses down from it) so she put him in her car.
Without a carseat.
In the front seat.
Now… my mind is like ok, full stop right there. But I asked her why she didn’t use the carseat that was literally in the kitchen and she looked at me like she was shocked!! She said omg I’m such an idiot I didn’t know it was there?? But you have to pass it to get out of the kitchen.
In no scenario would my mind ever even go to putting a BABY in the front seat. I can think of 10 other things I would have done if I didn’t want to take him out in the rain but that is just not it.
She then put my 6 yr old in the back seat without a carseat as well and drove them the 100ft home.
I obviously told her that is not acceptable and told her next time do A, B, or C instead and that it could literally kill him. She left pretty quickly after that and it was so awkward.
And my husband went straight to defending his mom which is a different issue altogether lol. But seriously tell me I’m not crazy in thinking that I don’t want this woman to watch my children alone ever again….
As a side note my daughter has asthma and anaphylactic allergies as well so it is sooo hard to trust anybody with their care and I think this might be the nail in the coffin.
ETA: it is 350ft to the bus stop!
I spoke with my husband and he immediately got mad that I was going to turn this into a “thing”. He said he thought she at least had him in the car seat facing backwards in the front seat?? Which is still not safe but I basically said, imagine it is not a family member, just a sitter that we know and trust. And they go and sit our squirmy baby into a passenger seat and buckle him in and then drive off. Would you ever trust them to watch our children again? And he was like oh my god no that’s horrible. So luckily he is on my side and agrees that she will never watch our children alone again. He apologized for reacting the way he did and sees that she is emotionally manipulating us. She is always overly apologetic to the point where it feels like you’ve done something wrong?? lol. But I don’t put up with that shit. I have also reiterated to my husband how important it is that babies be rear facing in the back seat every single time and asked showed him the dummy video so I think he gets the picture.
Thank you everyone for the comments, it is so nice to not feel alone in my decision. My husband said he can talk to his boss about working from home and I guess we will see what happens.
tldr; MIL put my 13 month old in the front seat to pick up my kid from the bus stop. AIO if I fire her?
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They say that most accidents happen close to home. So sticker to your boundaries.
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There’s zero excuse for her behaviour. Driving with improperly/ not restrained at all babies or children could literally kill them….. for the sake of 100 f$&king feet of walking in the rain?!?! Get an umbrella woman.
If she’s okay doing that, who knows what else she would do. The forethought is obviously not there. I wouldn’t let her be alone with the kids again.
You should show your husband a video of what happens to a baby in the front seat when the vehicle is in a low speed collision where the airbag goes off. And keep showing them until he gets it.
I have always thought it best to have outside sitters over family. You NEED to be able to fire them without a second thought about family dynamics. It’s life or death more often that you think.
Holy shit. I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not overreacting; that person would never watch my kids again. I am gobsmacked that your MIL thought this was acceptable… because it was raining. To be clear: your MIL risked the lives of your children because she didn’t want to get wet. Then your husband defended her.
This story has two huge red flags. Your MIL’s ability to make sensible and safe choices as a caregiver has been completely undermined. Second, your husband thinks it’s more important to defend this despicably unsafe and selfish decision and his mom, instead of put the safety of his young kids first. I encourage you to find childcare with someone else and begin couples counselling to discuss the hold your MIL has on your spouse.
She could have easily called or texted you and asked what she should do. “Hey it’s raining, don’t want to take the baby to the bus stop in the rain, what should I do?”
This would make me not trust her judgment, especially since she told you she did something “scandalous”. So she knew it was wrong and did it anyway? Either she thought it was “fine” and did it, or she knew it was wrong and “scandalous” and did it anyway. Or, she thinks it’s “fine” and so does your husband, but you’re the one overreacting and will call it “scandalous”. I wouldn’t be okay with any of those options.
YES. Like right now. The airbag could kill the baby, or the baby could get thrown into the windshield and get killed that way. No carseat? totally unforgivable.
A grandmother in my sister’s church did this. There was a small accident in the grocery store parking lot. The airbag went off. The child was literally decapitated. You are not overreacting. She endangered your children. My parents used to do this with my siblings’kids, their other grandchildren, including holding my infant nephew in their arms driving on the freeway. This is why my children were never, ever left alone with my parents or allowed to drive in their car. Period. The end.Not up for discussion. Ever.
I would be livid if I were you.
Baby was out in the rain probably just as long this way. Like it saved nothing. It makes no sense. And it’s absurdly dangerous
This is the type of shit my mil would do as she thrives on weaponized incompetence and would make excuses a-z as to why she didn’t do the right thing. You’re not overreacting. I wouldn’t allow my children in her care anymore after that.
One of the main reasons I’ll never allow my in laws around my children alone is because I fear something terrible would happen and my child would either get hurt or die in their care and I would go to prison for ending their life subscription.
Does she have airbags? Airbags have decapitated children sitting in the front seat. Not overreacting. At all
My DiL’s aunt was watching my grand when he was only a couple months old. Come to find out the aunt decided it was too complicated to put the car seat in correctly and would just sit it on the floorboard. Told my son and DiL that next time they needed a sitter to call me. Even though I was still working, no way in hell did I want the aunt to be given another chance.
I can think of 100 things I’d do before this scenario. Does this irresponsible moron own an umbrella by chance??
My in laws were appalled, full on screaming at me, that I wouldn’t allow them to take my 2 year old for a ride in their corvette which only has two front seats (and couldn’t fit his car seat).
My concern isn’t just the unlikely accident that might not happen, but the local Karen who will definitely call the cops or CAS or just shit talk you around the whole neighborhood. No. Just no!
This shows such poor judgement, that woman should not be your caregiver.
Yeah no, MIL should never ever ever be left alone with the kids again. Today it was driving 100 feet, next time it’ll be a drive around the neighborhood, the time after that it’ll be to the park or the grocery store. If she thinks she got away with it once, she’ll continue doing it behind your back. Your children’s lives are worth far more than grandma’s feelings
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She did something “scandalous”? WTF?! This is not a cute little oopsie moment. I would never, ever transport my grandbabies without proper car seats! Not for 100ft., not for 2ft. All it takes is a split second!
I’ve had a car seat installed in my car since the birth of my Grand, and I only have her once or maybe twice a week. Mine converts and should keep her safe until she’s a teen. I considered it an investment.
Also, I can easily go borrow her when I want to go to the park.
So she may say it was only 100 feet, but I had a car accident in my front yard, one car flipped.
My in-laws drove my kid about 15 minutes on a busy highway in the trunk of their van. It was the last time they were ever allowed to drive our kid.
This was so inappropriate of your MIL, OP, and I think she absolutely knew what she was doing was wrong if not downright dangerous otherwise she wouldn’t have labelled it scandalous.
At the very least, a time out would be appropriate consequences, regardless of her hurt feelings. Better than you having to (god forbid) deal with something much more permanently painful. Which I hope your husband now understands and sees her behaviour as wrong. Placing your child at risk is never acceptable.
Would you keep on a babysitter if they did this?
Abso-fucking-lutely not okay! And your husband needs to get on the same page. Safety is non-negotiable, full stop.
NOR
I’m genuinely curious what your husband is defending about this situation.
How can your husband possibly defend this? Genuinely curious what he’s saying.
An umbrella is all that was needed in this situation
“she put him in her car. Without a carseat. In the front seat.”
—Her judgment is too poor to be a babysitter or have unsupervised visitation. Your husband’s judgment is also in question although maybe he wouldn’t do these things himself. Hopefully. Why he defends his mother here, you know better than us.
You know what won’t kill a child. Rain
You are absolutely not overreacting. If she or your husband give you any grief about this, I would ask them “Do you love LO, and want them to live? Because that’s the wrong way to behave, if you do. Safety is not a negotiable thing.”
I was in a near-fatal car accident as a four-year-old. I was sleeping in the backseat of our car, and awoke to thinking I was somehow in a tumble dryer with our hard-sided suitcases, which were revolving around the inside of our hatchback as we flipped down the hill. We rolled 11 times, according to my father, who is just the kind of guy who would manage to count during a near-death experience.
If my parents hadn’t been wearing seatbelts, I’d be an orphan. My sister was ejected from the car through the back window. Amazingly enough, the worst injuries were seatbelt burns and a bunch of bumps and bruises.
Now I can’t even sit in a stationary car, even when the driver isn’t in it and the keys aren’t in the ignition, without a seatbelt on.
What she did was wild and absolutely unacceptable – have there been any other issues with her crossing boundaries or not respecting your rules/ home/ relationship?
“I did something scandalous with your kids” should be something like “I gave them an extra cookie” or “I bought them each a comic book”. Something small that doesn’t matter in the main scheme of things. (As long as the something small isn’t against rules/allergies/etc)
That’s not scandalous, it’s dangerous. She walked past every good solution and did the ONE dangerous thing instead. And it sounds like she did it knowingly. I’d be FURIOUS.
As well as appallingly, stupidly dangerous, what she did was probably illegal. Inform the police.
Force her to watch the on line videos showing kids without car seats or in the front seat when the airbag goes off. The national safety something website? Someone help me here.
Did this with an older relative. The video with the baby dummy getting its head practically blown off by the airbag was a particularly persuasive offering.
That’s not okay!!! I can’t believe it. Your husband also!! Gosh that’s so incredibly stupid. No way!! Imagine a police officer would have seen her? CPS would have been called and that’s another issue right there. No way. Your husband is terrible also for defending his mother. I am so tired of hearing about all these men that go weak at the knees for their crazy mothers. I am so mad for you! I’m sorry but you should not trust this woman again. If you have no other choice, I strongly suggest you put the car seats in her car every single time you drop off your kids in case she has to travel again.
The airbag going off would have killed your baby. I don’t even let my school age grandkids ride up front.
If a mom put her kid in the front seat to drive down an empty block, Idk if id be outraged or not, but what sticks out to me is, it’s a parent’s call to take risks with their kids. Grandma isn’t allowed to take risks with kids that aren’t hers. I would struggle to trust her again.
So obviously I have no horse in this race, but I don’t see how you can ever trust her again. It’s just not up for debate. If the airbag had gone off you’d have been down one baby.
Respectfully, screw her. Supervised visits only would be the only way forward if this were me.