My family is textbook dysfunctional. Mom longtime alcoholic, dad abusive and non existent. My brother and I raised ourselves.
My brother and I look nothing and I mean nothing alike. When we go out, people think we are a couple, not siblings. He tans, I don’t. I am tall, he is not. I remember even when we were younger comments being made and the comments being brushed off quickly.
Fast forward to a night of drinking with my mom at a bar. I am now sober almost 4 years (thank god). She out of the blue said “I have a secret. No, I can’t say, I need to take to my grave.”
She ended up telling me my brother and I have different fathers and she had an affair. To be clear, my parents hated one another and had a horrible marriage- we asked them to get divorced which they finally did when I was 21. I know exactly who his father is. I was 4 at the time and remember certain things that make sense now.
Next day- my stepfather said to me “that thing your mom told you isn’t true and she was kidding.”
This was over 10 years ago, well over 10 years ago. I don’t speak to my parents anymore for many reasons. I have not said anything to my brother. Now that we are getting older, I feel he has a right to know and know the truth. And if it’s true, and if he wants, find out who his father could be.
My grandmother told me before she passed away she knew and never said anything also.
I don’t know what to do or even proceed. My stepfather is extremely protective of my mom and o do genuinely worry about repercussions from him.
Comments
I think you should tell him
Honestly, if you haven’t told him yet, maybe start with a casual “Hey bro, remember when mom mentioned having another secret?”, and gauge his reaction before diving deeper into the truth.
He deserves to know the truth. It goes beyond you getting it off your chest as it’s been made your burden to carry and beyond him forming any new relationship with the potential father (though that would be a lovely outcome). It goes beyond any potential resentment he may develop for those involved in his conception.
I believe he deserves to know so that he can have more information about his paternal medical history. I think that outweighs any other factor in the decision. Any and all drama aside, I would personally want to have a clear understanding of my family’s medical background, especially while getting further on in age. He has a right to gain access to that, or not, if that’s what he ultimately decides.