Was his reaction justified

Also posted elsewhere. But looking for women my age to share their experience and wisdom. I am pretty sure I’m married to a narcissist- I know you shouldn’t throw labels lightly and trust me this isn’t an assumption I came to lightly. The whole family (including our adult children) have been trying to make me wake up for a while.

Anyway, that aside, I wasn’t ready to leave him, I love him. Wanted to work through things. But the last 4/5 months have been rocky. Out of nowhere he tells me he feels numb, doesn’t really feel much towards me anymore, loves me but isn’t in love with me. But wanted to work on things. And we have been working on things. It’s been very up and down and the last 4 months have been an emotional rollercoaster of being told he loves me so much to then behaviours that don’t really convince me of that. He has cheated in the past but that was a long time ago and I have never had bad vibes since and did trust him. But the sudden change in emotions towards me, the weird behaviour has resurfaced trust issues and I acknowledge that could just be my insecurities to be told he has lost his spark, doesn’t want a relationship with me… anyway, last week we agreed we wanted to put 110% into this and he has been great, but the other day the intimacy we shared didn’t feel right, felt very disconnected (a pattern I’ve been feeling the last 3/4 months). He never leaves the house other than for work, or to his hobbies with my people I know. I know in person nothing is happening, but he is on his phone a lot, always seems to be typing a lot and spends longer times in the bathroom. So my head is thinking an online thing? Something virtual? I don’t know. I’m very aware this could all be paranoia.

That said, I was trying to fight my head noise the last couple days but he noticed I was a little quieter than usual and kept asking what was wrong and to say what I am feeling. I have told him about this guy feeling and knot I get in my tummy. I told him last week and last week he said he wanted to support me with this. And I explained it’s surfaced because of all the things he has said in the last 4 months have made me insecure. So when he asked what was wrong, I just said it’s that knot feeling again and I can’t shake it, but I’m working on it. And he absolutely lost his sh!t with me. Started acting really offended and saying I can’t keep doing this to him. I said I am sorry, I don’t mean to feel this, I wish I could switch the feeling off and I was trying to push through my insecure thoughts but he kept asking to tell me what’s wrong. He got so angry and said I’ve once again set us backwards and how can I not see how offensive it is to have no trust in my husband. He wouldn’t let me speak to him and told me to stop talking every time I tried to talk and reminded him that he said he would support me and he just said how can he when I’m making him the villain all the time. That I can’t accept that we’re going through a rough patch and instead I’m manipulating this situation to point the blame to him. I genuinely wasn’t doing this.

I wish I didn’t have all these insecure feelings, and I acknowledge these feelings are on me to work on. I just wanted to be honest with him, because I wanted to be transparent and I was hoping he would say something like oh you silly thing, I wouldn’t do that, and give me a hug… just some reassurance. But instead it was received as an attack on him and now I’m being punished with silent treatment.

Is this normal? Should I have kept these feelings of insecurity to myself since trying to rebuild on our marriage. Could I have handled this better? I made him angry, he cried, he wouldn’t look at me. And I feel like alls I did was as just answer how I was feeling when he asked. I’m so confused.