For context, I (21 f) have a tattoo of my died family members names on my shoulder. I also have other tattoos on my body again also could be hidden by clothing. My boyfriend family has known me for a few years and I expect to his mother that I have tattoos. She was very kind about it and I had even showed her a few of them. My boyfriend (23 m) took me out to a restaurant that was near a beach. I was wearing what I would call a beach outfit of course that means you could see my shoulders. My boyfriend took a picture of me and posted it. My shoulder tattoos were visible and you could see a few names of my family members and next to one of them had a heart and a mushroom. The next day I had to meet up with my boyfriend and his family for dinner. During the dinner his mother asked me about the tattoos and I showed her then proceeded to ask me to remove and or cover one of them up with makeup. I was shocked as she points at the on with the heart and mushroom next to it. As it insinuate that I might still be in love with this man as he is the only one that doesn’t have a last name next to it instead. I tried explaining that the name is of my died brother who died 4 years ago and the heart was that I missed him and the mushroom was also tattooed because he loved them growing up. But she kept interrupting me and even look at my boyfriend saying that he should have dated me seeing that I had tattoo of another man name on my body instead of his. This is where I think I might be the asshole I had just walked out of the house immediately after she said that, saying that maybe she would know why I have “another man name on my body” instead of my boyfriend’s since that name has more meaning than she actually thinks. After walking out I just drove to my brother grave that is a hour away from where I live. My boyfriend had text me through out the time I was driving. I had just sent me my location so he wouldn’t go to my parent’s house looking for me. A few hours after arriving to he had call me saying that he just had an argument with his mom and I had felt like it was my fault for him having to argue with her because of me and if my parents didn’t mind to stay at my house just until his parents calm down. It’s been a week since that incident and his mom finally agreed to have a conversation with me and even agreed to have the conversation with my boyfriend in the room. I explain to her that it was my brother’s name, I had it since I had turn 18, would not be covering it up with makeup or even consider removing it. I didn’t show her due to the fact everyone always feels pity for me, even ask me how he died, and that is why I don’t have a date under his to his name. She argued with me that telling her would have been easier and making more excuses for her actions. My boyfriend and a few of our close friends are on my side but his family and other friends agree that I should have told her that it was a tattoo of my brother name. So AITA?
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For context, I (21 f) have a tattoo of my died family members names on my shoulder. I also have other tattoos on my body again also could be hidden by clothing. My boyfriend family has known me for a few years and I expect to his mother that I have tattoos. She was very kind about it and I had even showed her a few of them. My boyfriend (23 m) took me out to a restaurant that was near a beach. I was wearing what I would call a beach outfit of course that means you could see my shoulders. My boyfriend took a picture of me and posted it. My shoulder tattoos were visible and you could see a few names of my family members and next to one of them had a heart and a mushroom. The next day I had to meet up with my boyfriend and his family for dinner. During the dinner his mother asked me about the tattoos and I showed her then proceeded to ask me to remove and or cover one of them up with makeup. I was shocked as she points at the on with the heart and mushroom next to it. As it insinuate that I might still be in love with this man as he is the only one that doesn’t have a last name next to it instead. I tried explaining that the name is of my died brother who died 4 years ago and the heart was that I missed him and the mushroom was also tattooed because he loved them growing up. But she kept interrupting me and even look at my boyfriend saying that he should have dated me seeing that I had tattoo of another man name on my body instead of his. This is where I think I might be the asshole I had just walked out of the house immediately after she said that, saying that maybe she would know why I have “another man name on my body” instead of my boyfriend’s since that name has more meaning than she actually thinks. After walking out I just drove to my brother grave that is a hour away from where I live. My boyfriend had text me through out the time I was driving. I had just sent me my location so he wouldn’t go to my parent’s house looking for me. A few hours after arriving to he had call me saying that he just had an argument with his mom and I had felt like it was my fault for him having to argue with her because of me and if my parents didn’t mind to stay at my house just until his parents calm down. It’s been a week since that incident and his mom finally agreed to have a conversation with me and even agreed to have the conversation with my boyfriend in the room. I explain to her that it was my brother’s name, I had it since I had turn 18, would not be covering it up with makeup or even consider removing it. I didn’t show her due to the fact everyone always feels pity for me, even ask me how he died, and that is why I don’t have a date under his to his name. She argued with me that telling her would have been easier and making more excuses for her actions. My boyfriend and a few of our close friends are on my side but his family and other friends agree that I should have told her that it was a tattoo of my brother name. So AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> For leaving the my boyfriend’s house yelling at his mom for not letting my explain why my brother name is tattooed on my body instead of my boyfriend, why it has more meaning, and not wanting to tell her about the tattoo do to the fact people are too curious about his death
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA you did tell her as soon as she asked. Your BF told her when you left – they argued about it. She had a week to process and she still wouldn’t listen or give you an apology and is acting like you’re in the wrong meanwhile she is running a very strong campaign for the mayor of crazy town.
It’s good your BF stood up for you but honestly I would keep my distance from her from now on.
In the olden days, tattoos were considered rebellious or forbidden, especially for women.
That might be why your BF’s mother jumped to conclusions about your tattoos.
She won’t admit she’s misjudged anything. She seems like a very difficult person. NTA
NTA: it’s your body. If I want “Goku” tattooed on my forehead and my nose to be his fist that is my god given right even if it is weird. No one can tell you to remove something because they don’t like it, especially someone who barely knows you.
Not only does yours have deep meaning, but it’s obvious what it is to anyone emotionally intelligent. Which she is not.
NTA, dumb mother can’t admit she was wrong because I bet 100 $ she already understood that it is for real your brother name but at first, when she didn’t knew she thought she is witty and funny on pointing out it like a joke (You shouldn’t have other boyfriends names because you date my son, ho ho ho) :Ddd
NTA who does this woman think she is? Wtf…
I would be quite furious at your bf for not stepping in right there and then and telling her to mind her own business.
She doesn’t own you, he doesn’t own you, girl. It’s your body.
She need to learn how to mind her dayum business and body ! U got a bad mother in law on your hands who may cause issues in the future u gotta be ready to accept that with this partner
NTA!!! His mother seems like a bigoted, hidebound relic and a really ginormous asshole.
NTA if you tried to explain and she kept interrupting. But this is all very unclear. Did you try and tell her, or not tell her because you don’t like to show people? You say both things. And the title asks if you’re the asshole for telling her you would cover up. And did you try to tell her but she wouldn’t let you, or did you walk straight out of the house? Again, you say both things.
Nta. The whole issue is on her. She could’ve approached it as a conversation to understand it. Instead she immediately felt that she could make demands. She isn’t and never will be in control of your body.
Couldn’t even finish reading. His mom sounds like an idiot. It’s YOUR BROTHER!!
What an amount of drama.
NTA.
Problem is that his mother gives a meaning to the name on your shoulder, and then attacks you for that meaning that she put on it herself.
Try this: “I am responsible for what I get on my skin, but I am not responsible for what someone else reads in it”.
NTA but BF’s mom is – while you could have told her BF’s mom should have asked and not assumed, she is the one that made it a whole deal by not communicating about an issue and dictating how things will/should be handled.
She was insufferably rude to you and suffered for it. NTA.
NTA. You have chosen to have tattoos. It’s completely your decision however people who see them will make assumptions whether you like it or not. Your future mother-in-law expressed an opinion about yours because she didn’t understand. Unfortunately opinions are almost an indelible as tattoos. You are going to find a way to stand your ground while changing her mind.
Nta
No, you should not have told her, she should have asked.
NTA….and walk away from that boyfriend. He did have your back. He should have stopped his mom right there at that dinner and explained to her about that name. Not only did he not do that, he asked you to stay away so his mom could calm down. What about you?!
NTA. It shouldn’t matter who or what you have tattoo’d on your body, its nobodies business but yours.
The fact she wouldn’t listen and took over a week to condescend to have a conversation about it shows her true feelings.
If anyone is the ah it’s her. If she wasn’t so judgmental in the first place she’d have been told about their meanings etc.
NTA and tbh, if she’s arguing with you about your body, best believe she’s going to be poking her head and giving her opinion on way too much of your relationship and your life. Your bf needs to handle this or dip.
NTA because you tried to tell her that it was your brother’s name at the dinner and she kept cutting you off, if anyone is TA it’s bfs mom
NTA
But listen, if she’s this bad over a tattoo on YOUR body of your brother, then it’s going to get a lot worse.
You are looking at a lifetime of her trying to run your life and telling you what to do.
She’s planning the wedding.
She’s choosing where you live.
She’s naming your kids, and deciding if you can breastfeed or not.
She’s choosing when and where for family vacations.
And so much more…
You need to be firm and blunt. My tattoos are none of your business. I don’t need to explain myself to you, or anyone, since I’m an adult.
If the boyfriend doesn’t immediately defend you and tell his mother to stop, then you need a new boyfriend. This one is a mommy’s boy.
NTA The audacity of this woman to think that you owe her an explanation for ANYTHING about your life.