Every time my phone buzzes with a message from one of my kids, I feel like I’m about to be tested on something I forgot to study. “What’s the WiFi password?” – easy. “Why is the oven making a noise?” – I should’ve known that! I swear, they’re out here turning basic life questions into a pop quiz. Someone, please tell me it’s not just me.
Comments
This is developmentally normal for teens. You might benefit from researching normal teen development. It can help to understand it’s not personal.
A human being’s job in the teen years is to differentiate from their family of origin, so that they can become their own person. In order to do this, and to evaluate who they want to be – and who they don’t want to be – their brains become super primed to pick up any little thing “wrong.” This is why sarcasm and hyper-critical thinking is so prevalent at this age. It’s what their brain does well – picking out faults.
It seems to me that you need to be working on some gentle boundaries with those kids. It’s fine for them to see what’s wrong. And it’s fine to ask questions. But being disrespectful about it is not a need. They 100% can choose their wording to be respectful of you, and when you say “I don’t know. If the oven isn’t working, please figure out a different way to heat up your pizza rolls. I’ll take a look at the oven when I’m ready.” If your children aren’t able to accept that answer, you’ve got a problem with your responsibility as their parent – you haven’t taught them how to manage problems on their own, or how to communicate respectfully, even when they’ve noticed that something is off.