I’m about to turn 18, and was in a relationship with someone who will be turning 21 in a few months. 17 and 20 when we got together. Even though it’s not illegal in my country and I was living with my sibling, my parent found out and abruptly basically kidnapped me lol and I kept my job, all my belongings, my school, etc. now back to living in my parents 1br apartment with him and my brother and it is extremely toxic and abusive. I lived here for four years and it’s been the worst four years of my life as my brother is extremely misogynistic and violent and perverted and I sleep on a couch and live out of a trash bag.
I’m going to leave when I turn 18, but I don’t know how to do it without my family thinking I’m going to get back with my so called groomer. I’m genuinely not, I’m moving in with a friend’s family and then getting an apartment with another friend when they start college. But my parent is extremely controlling because he thinks he’s protecting me. Location is tracked, not allowed to leave the house except when I say where I’m going and with who, especially can’t go to someone else’s house under any circumstances, I’m forced to do things I explicitly say im uncomfortable with such as meeting my dads gfs family after the death of my mom and asking not to be touched, etc etc. it’s miserable and I need to leave.
I have everything planned out and will be safe and healthy and improving my life genuinely for the first time ever, but I don’t know how to explain to my father that I am leaving but NOT going back to my apparent groomer. I feel very trapped.
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> I’m going to get back with my so called groomer.
They don’t care about that, if they continue to expose you to your brother. They just want an excuse to take over your life and turn you into their puppet.
You should forget about what they think and focus on getting a job and moving out as soon as you can.
They will try to hang on the “you are going back to your groomer” thing to try to get you to come back but you should be a broken loop and say “Mom and dad, don’t worry, I am alone, not back to the groomer”.
You don’t explain. You just wait until he is out, and go. Make quite certain that you have all your important documents with you. Ensure that location finder is removed, not just turned off. Leave a letter, if you think it’s necessary, stating that you have moved out. If you have local police, leave a letter with them, stating that you are an adult and that you have left of your own free will.
First of all, if you were 17 and he was 20, that’s not grooming lol. 3 years is a very healthy age difference.
Second, you don’t owe your father any explanation with where you’re going or what you’re doing with your life. You can choose to tell him or not, but that’s totally your choice.
If you do tell him, he can choose to believe you or not, that is his choice. But you can’t force him to believe you either.
If he wants to stay in your life, he will respect the boundaries you put in place, if he violates your boundaries, cut him off for a while, hopefully he will come to his senses. If he doesn’t, then you have to decide how you want to proceed going forward.
Leave your phone. Get a new one. Take your important stuff and leave. Send them an email explaining. Don’t give them your location or phone number.
If they need to contact you, they can do it through email. Start your new life.
Call a domestic abuse hotline line from a safe phone and work and ask them this help you formulate a plan.
You’re father doesn’t have a right to and explanation.
Your family doesn’t deserve one.
It doesn’t sound like they’d hear it anyway.
Why bother? 🤷
Leave a note of you feel you must, but do not leave your forwarding address.
Be Safe.
They’ll think what they think regardless.