I’m (23M) dating a girl (20F), she was only a friend initially, but I developed feelings on her after few months. I didn’t express the feelings to her, because I didn’t like the idea of friendship turning into relationship (I don’t like the line “a girl and a guy can’t just stay as friends). So i started avoiding her.
We met after a month, we had good time and during this I got to know that she got back with her ex (long distance). After knowing about this I decide to stay away from her and meet only when necessary.
I don’t know if it was a boon or a curse, we kept on getting reasons to keep meeting. The feelings just kept growing and one day I expressed my feelings (despite she was in a relationship, it was my mistake), I told I can’t suppress my feelings anymore and name it as friendship. I also said this “we are either dating each other or going to have zero connection”. She said “NO, but I want you to stay as friend and I will help you get out of it.” I knew me and said no for being friends and we even had a fight over some issue.
But we both started speaking with each other and I thought she rejected me and I can stay in boundary this time, so I somehow suppressed my feelings. It was hard suppressing but I somehow got used to it.
Then one day we met, was listening to melody tracks (we have similar taste in music, so it was good vibes for both of us) and we were having cute talks, then we hugged and this led to me kissing her (on cheeks) and then we slowly started getting intimate (hugging, holding her waist, kissing her neck) but one day she told we aren’t supposed to be doing this because I have a person in my life, I left the second I heard these words. Next day I got a text from her telling “I’m worried about you and I miss you.”
Then we started doing things that most of the couples do (going out, watching movies, cuddling), I knew in back of mind this was mistake but one side of me didn’t want I stop it (because I wanted to do all these with her for a very long time). It went on for few days, one day I questioned myself, am I okay with staying in a casual relationship with her and the answer was “NO”. So I conveyed the same with her, she told that the relationship was very toxic (which is true, because I have witnessed him controlling her over tiny things firsthand) and she would end it pretty soon. I said okay, then what are we now ?
She told we are dating now and let get to know about each other and see where it goes.
It’s been 4 months, she neither has ended things with him nor has not committed to me.
And because of health reasons she took a semester break and went back to her city. They both keep meeting (she does tell me about meeting him)
I have told her that I’m okay with her leaving me, if it’s him who she wants and there will be no consequences from my side. But she keeps telling, I really I like you but can’t commit to you right now (because there is lot of things going on with me (it’s true) and don’t want to make a choice in this mindset and regret about this relationship like the previous one).
I’m worried all the time thinking about this situation and the thought of me ruining another persons(what if her ex loved her genuinely) relationship to build mine.
Any suggestions or feedbacks will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
Comments
She is breadcrumbing you. Let this toxic woman go. Find someone who is in to you versus keeping you on the back burner as her backup plan if things don’t work out with her current relationship. She’s using you 💯. It sucks but you’re better off without her.
I had a guy treat me like this once and only once. He was kind of dating both of us. He liked me because I felt like home to him. He liked her because she liked to party. She was also skinnier then me. I was funny and great to talk to. She looked good to his friends. I ghosted him. I couldn’t take the back and forth. It was like a huge mind fuck.
I got into other relationships. It took taking a chance. I was going through a bad divorce with a very emotional and verbally abusive guy. (He was abusive in other ways. We won’t get into that.) We had a daughter. I finally took a chance and left him. Only to get into another toxic relationship. This was the early 2000s and people we starting to learn internet stranger danger. I was single and thought I would give the weird funny guy a chance of the internet. Best decision of my life. We have been together nearly 22 yrs. He is a awesome dad to OUR children and is still funny and weird.
Good luck,
I hope you can find your happiness.
She’s jerking you around..who ever she’s with are the moment is who she wants to be with. She has had over 4 months to get it together and has not..you need to forget about her.