Hey Reddit,
I (19F) have been dating this guy (24 M) since October 2024. We met back in June, started talking more seriously around September, and went on our first date in October. Since then, we’ve been spending time together regularly and things have been great.
I know he went through a tough breakup before we met, so I’ve tried to be understanding and not rush anything. A few months ago, I brought up the idea of making things official, and he said he felt like I was rushing it—so I backed off. But now that it’s been about 6 months of dating, I feel ready to be in a relationship with him and I’d really like to be his girlfriend.
I’m just not sure how to bring it up again without making him feel pressured. Is it too soon to ask again? And are there any subtle ways I can show him that I want to take the next step?
Would appreciate any advice thank you!
Comments
You don’t. Give him time and space, and let things progress naturally.
I think you deserve to be with a man who is just as in love with you as you are with him. Someone who matches your enthusiasm level. This guy is not it.
If he is genuinely feeling like you are rushing asking to be in a relationship after that many months, he is not headed in the direction of wanting to be in a relationship. If the major changes would be how you present yourselves socially and exclusivity, please ensure you are using protection All Of The Time.
It’s been 6 months. I think at this point he’s just along for the ride.
Don’t be so available. Guys want what they don’t have. You are making things way too easy. And if he doesn’t chase you, he’s not into you.
just ask him. Men are very straight-forward. He will appreciate you for doing that!
It’s been 6 months. That’s enough time for him to know if he wants to be exclusive with you or not.
You want him to be your boyfriend, and that is just as important as whatever he wanted that got you to this point. You have been very understanding. Now it is time to stick up for yourself and request what YOU want.
I frankly suspect that he’s not interested in you as a girlfriend and wants you on his terms, when it is convenient for him. And you’ve given it to him for 6 months so nothing is going to change unless you confront the situation.
You’re young enough that I’d say that if he is anything but enthusiastic, move on and find someone enthusiatic about you. My wife and I met on a Tuesday, had a date on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and on Friday we became exclusive. We enthusiastically spent as much time with each other as possible and I want everyone to have a chance at having that. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t enthusiastically want to be with you.
Oh honey- value yourself more.
If you have been “dating” for 6 months and he’s still unwilling to be exclusive or call you his girlfriend, you should assume he is just not that into you. Cut your losses and find someone closer to your own age who likes you just as much as you like them.
Sounds like you’re already in a relationship and his girlfriend. I’ve never made it ‘official’ with my girlfriend but it’s obvious that she is, and whenever someone asks me who she is I say “she’s my love”.
Im sorry to say this, but if he felt the same way about you, he’d have told you. If you’re looking for a more serious relationship, you may have to look somewhere else.
You could just wait it out and hope he falls in love with you. My friend waited on a guy for years in an on again- off again relationship. She was heartbroken, confused, and desperate the entire time. Meanwhile he dated other girls and enjoyed his life. I heard that they finally did get married. I hope she’s happy now because she was genuinely miserable the few years that I knew her. Nice girl. She deserved better.
Go on a date with someone else. I met my future hubs when I was 12. I’ve always been a homebody, so he would visit whenever. I couldn’t date until I turned 16. His visits were twice a month, maybe an hour. I was his girlfriend. However, at 17, someone else was pursuing me and asked if I wanted to go to a basketball game. I went, and of course, my “boyfriend” came while I was gone. The minute I walked in the door (11:00 pm), the phone rang. It was my bf. He was livid!!! Broke up with me, and I thought we were through. The next evening he showed up and asked me to marry him. We were together 55 yrs. Married 49. We lived out our marriage vows. It’s been almost 3 yrs and I miss him terribly. The guy you spoke of doesn’t seem like the one for you. He isn’t interested in the same things you are, my dear.
Do you know if he is seeing other women? If he is not, then whether you put labels on it or not, what is “unofficial” about the relationship? Kind of like common law marriages – if you and a guy have been dating exclusively for several months, what exactly are you, if not girlfriend and boyfriend, for lack of better labels?
If he is seeing other women, or if he doesn’t commit to your relationship because he wants to or is planning on seeing other women, then my guess he isn’t serious about you and will likely never commit. So either date him non-exclusively or move on.
It might also be your age. Since you are still technically a “teen-ager”, he may not want to draw attention to your relationship to his friends and family, fearing they might be critical of him. And they might be.
TO BE HONEST…. you are NINE TEENNNN.. do not wait, you have so much time. I wish I was 19 again! Yes, he might be concerned about your age, but honestly, if you sit him down and let him know your truth,,, by saying how you really like him but being together 6 months is making you realize this is not going anywhere… and ask him if he can clarify what he is looking for… you can also mention that give your age you just want to make sure you are using your time wisley. HONESTY IS FUN, make it a social experiment…
My wife did it by just referring to be as her boyfriend after a while of dating. That was like 17 years ago now so it worked out for her I guess.
A bit of a side question, but when did dating separate from being boyfriend/girlfriend? I thought they were the same thing.
Was I just brought up in a backwater, or was everyone else dating different people in parallel and I didn’t notice?