I(18m)have stopped talking to my mom for a couple of months because(not solely) she can’t acknowledge any mistakes she makes/made that affects me. (except for one time and that was 3 years after the situation). recently I talked to her about a recent thing she did and she was like “well the past is in the past what do you expect me to do???” I told her at the very least just accept that you made a mistake. she first tried to justify it, and then she became emotional and talked about how she has to hear things from everyone in the family(and how her intentions are nothing bad and wants the best for me always). and then at the end of the conversation she apologized with the most ingenuine tone and facial expression ever. later on when I brought it up indirectly I could tell she does not feel at fault at all.
My dad tried to talk to me about how it’s not good to not talk to your mother and “you don’t remember but she fed you”. and how she cares about me more than he does. Sometimes I think about the fact that she’s not here forever and I should talk to her /spend time with her. Or the fact that she also has had a hard life and I’m adding to it. Or that I’m in a better situation that she was in as a child. and knowing I’ve always been close to her I get sad. But I don’t want to talk to her while ignoring everything.
She says she cares and I know she “cares” but her actions say otherwise. except for cheering me up when I was upset, she never helped me when she could have. she does things for my “future” by being stingy about anything and everything. and like 90 percent of our money came from my dad anyways. so I’m grateful for my dad making sure we’ll always have a home rather than my mom.
I was never a trouble child. I got good grades, never asked for much . But in return I had to deal with a bunch of family shit. my basic needs were ignored let alone wants. and sometimes my mom had control over it and just decided to not care to avoid any hassles and sometimes not. I had to go through a lot of stuff and dealt with it mostly by myself. I rarely asked for money and worked long hours after school with long commutes at night. And in return she did the bare minimum if even that. and while I was fine with all those stuff, she made a mistake that led to me being losing my job that could have helped my mental health and my tutions for next year.
what do I do here? I feel bad for not talking to her especially as immigrants. But it feels so unfair if I just let things go like always. it looks like she thinks she’s doing the best she can and she might be doing the best she can and I get that you don’t get what you think you might deserve and I’m okay with that. it’s just the fact that she doesn’t bother to acknowledge it let alone make up for it is what pains me .