The guy I’ve been seeing for the last 5 months is making my head spin but not in a hot way. We are both in our early 30s.
He clearly wants to be in a relationship with me and loves telling people I’m his girlfriend (introduced me to his friends and parents recently) but I’m feeling confused by his behavior.
While we have a consistent cadence of time spent, he barely asks me questions or engages me in conversation while I frequently do. It makes me wonder if he actually likes me, wants to know me, or just wants to have an audience. The part that stings in this dynamic is that he’s very charismatic at parties and clearly knows how to hold a conversation as do I… but not with each other? I just don’t get it.
Some level of quiet is totally fine but you have to try to engage. Has anyone encountered something like this? Curious how you’ve navigated. I’m planning to share these concerns (again).
There are other qualities I like— very homey, cozy gardening guy. Culturally curious musician type. Hot. Perfect on paper.
Also he doesn’t go down on me as much as I do for him. 😩
There’s an imbalance.
Comments
Girl.
Girl. He doesn’t care about your thoughts and feelings AND he’s not a giver in bed? What has he said when you’ve brought either of these things up?
Do you consider yourself his girlfriend or are you just dating? Some things seem less tolerable if the former is true.
Some people just want any girlfriend, who participates in that role doesn’t matter to them.
Looks like you found one of those guys. Find a guy who actually has interest in you as a person and not just how you round out his life.
Have you brought this up?
he may be a narcissist
Some men are just dumb and/or take you for granted. I think some also expect us to just tell them things rather than engaging first.
Does he do anything else that shows he cares? Like actions.
My boyfriend loves the quiet because he works in hospitality but he shows he cares – dependable, reliable. Always texts me back or calls as soon as he gets home. He just has zero social battery after work because he has to be on a lot more than me.
He does cook for me and helps me run my errands because I don’t have a car.
Does he show anything through actions?
Also communicate he needs to give more or he gets less too lol
The lack of oral sex is reason enough to check out.
And if he’s a poor conversationalist with you, that clinches it.
A guy calling you his gf and taking you to meet people and meeting your people means nothing these days. I got dumped a week after a guy met my daughter and family… knowing full well how protective I am of them, nervous introducing new relationships to them, and only do so for people I’m serious about. I assumed by his enthusiastic agreement that we were on the same page.
He was kind, reassuring, and consistent …up until he wasn’t, randomly one Saturday afternoon mid conversation, he vanished off the earth without being seen or heard from again.
So if you think something is off, you need to have a talk. Even then, don’t assume you’re getting the whole truth. If I had my time again, I’d have taken it 1 day at a time and avoid assuming or projecting.
Good luck
The imbalance alone would be enough for me to walk away. 🤷🏾♀️ Five months is long enough to realize he’s not worth investing more time in.
If we do not leave men when they misbehave or treat us unkindly, they will never learn.
My ex was like this. I think he was just kind of self centered.