Hey so last week, I (f, 37), went on a date (f, 36). I felt like there was a vibe – we had a few drinks together, and even went for dinner together at another place after the first bar.
Total date time – 4 hours. I know for me I will not stay on a first date with someone I feel no attraction to – I don’t want to lead them on.
We went our separate ways – texted a little on our respective trains home, then end message from her finished with ‘sweet dreams x’. So I felt that was a little flirty.
The next day she texted to say she wanted to be upfront and say she didn’t feel a romantic vibe.
So was she attracted to me but me energy/ personality didn’t click after 4 hours, or vice versa? Or something I’m missing?
I’ve been on a lot of dates but particularly confused by this one!
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I would assume you clicked as friends, she enjoyed your company, but didn’t feel a romantic/sexual connection. She may have been giving the date enough time to see if the connection happened at some point, or might have just been genuinely having a good time with you even though she wasn’t feeling it.
Sounds like she likes you just doesnt want to date you
Agreeing with the other commenter- sometimes you can have a great time with someone but not feel the spark. It’s a nice courtesy for her to let you know and not get your hopes up to spend more time together.
You can enjoy someone’s company and not feel a romantic vibe. Especially when you’re dating women. I find that even women I don’t feel a sexual attraction to are generally fun and enjoyable to hang out with for a few hours
The only thing I can think of is that sometimes I’m not sure if there’s a vibe or not and I want to take more time to figure it out before deciding.
For example, I lingered longer on a 2nd date recently than I actually wanted to, because the guy hadn’t asked me any questions about myself on the first date and I wanted to give him ample opportunity to rectify that. He didn’t, though.
Another possibility is that she was genuinely having fun, just not romantic/sexy fun! Great conversation is a lovely outcome for a date even if it doesn’t necessarily ’lead to’ anything.
Don’t overanalyze this. There was likely some kind of deal breaker that you weren’t aware of, but it doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong or that you won’t be a great partner for someone else.
If she’s anything like me, she needs time to process whether or not she liked somebody VS could be physically attracted to them.
Or she was thirsty and hungry and there was no reason to pass up some drinks and a meal. Who paid on the date?
Yeah I would, 4 hours go fast. I could have a good time and realize later, when alone, that I don’t see a romantic relationship with this person.
Sometimes people just need to spend more time with someone to come to the conclusion.
It’s very possible she had fun and wanted to spend more time to feel it out more and after thinking on it, later decided there wasn’t a connection.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s not like she disliked you in the first 30 minutes and stayed for the next 3.5 hours.
She didn’t feel a romantic vibe. She gave you enough information to move on. Why read into it or further analyze? Next.
Posting a completely different perspective from comments you’ve already received for fun.
She could’ve been into you physically and was waiting to see if a hook up was on the table last night, but not romantically interested in anything.
She could’ve been into you a little bit but then this morning changed her mind.
She could just be lonely or an extrovert.
Just wanted to throw something completely different out there to show how it could be a range of so many things and you may never know, but no matter the reason, it doesn’t mean necessarily that it wasn’t a good time for her in some way.
I wouldn’t…. go on a 4 hour date with someone I wasn’t interested in. Typically I plan for short, casual first dates and don’t do a second location or time extension even if I really like someone.
You can really only take her at her word. Is it confusing behavior? Sure. Only she knows why she chose to do what she did, though.
Yeah, I did this once. We both had fun, and then never talked to each other again. But it was probably the best date I went on after my marriage ended. It was fun, and I could have seen myself staying friends. Not sure if he could, but we ultimately lived kind of far apart too.
I’ve done this. My first date is usually going out for drinks to do a vibe check. I might genuinely have a good time but not feel a spark/chemistry/attraction. If that’s the case it’s more just like hanging out with a new person, which can be fun. I’m extroverted and can chat up anyone if they’re equally sociable. The last time I did this it’s not like a made a decision halfway through and was like “oh well we’re already out might as well keep going”, I was feeling it out. But the next day realized that I had a good time but there wasn’t anything there.
They enjoyed spending time with you, but didn’t feel the spark on their end. I’ve had this happen a couple of times. I wouldn’t read any more into it.