I know I shouldn’t compare but recently I’ve been looking at my friendships and realised they aren’t really even real. My so called friends don’t care for me at all and are in no way any supportive or even interested to know about me. I always try my best to be independent and pour into my interests and hobbies and go out of my way to be supportive of people around me but lately I’ve been feeling like a loser and feel like everyone’s treated me such ever since I turned 30 like 4 months ago….this feeling has just amplified within me I’m not sure what else I can do to have connections with the women around me
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Nothing magical happens at 30 that either fixes or ruins your life. The problems you had 4 months ago are likely basically the same as the ones you have now. What may have changed is that, because you view 30 to be some kind of milestone of adulthood, you are now reflecting on yourself and your relationships and your life through a different lens than you were before – leading you to conclude you aren’t happy with the way things have been going.
That’s valid, but I don’t know how someone’s friends can treat them “like a loser”, but, IDK, it’s your life and these are your friendships to either maintain or walk away from. If you aren’t happy with how things are, you can do whatever you want about that.
34F here, it’s really hard to have friends in your 30s. All my friends have a house, a spouse, kids, a career, or some combination of those. I am single no house no pets no responsibilities and simple job (on purpose). My friends will be available to hang out maybe 2 or 3 times per year because they have other obligations and are no longer free like I am.
I would recommend looking for some younger friends who don’t have those things yet and will be more available. You can be the cool older friend. Be confident in being independent and having your hobbies that you are free to do, it doesn’t make you a loser that you have other priorities right now. If someone’s too busy for you move on, you can keep them on the back burner and stay casual friends, but don’t feel bad because they made themselves have more responsibilities than you. There’s nothing wrong with a mostly solo lifestyle and don’t take things on unless you really want to.
So I don’t mean for this to sound offensive/dismissive at all, but supportive – what you’re experiencing is not unique to you. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re not a loser.
Thirties is a weird time, you’re not so socially available anymore, lifestyle becomes more self/home/family oriented. A lot of friends in my 20s were actually just drinking buddies, coworkers, classmates, that slowly faded out as our paths went in different directions.
I have two non-relative friends, both were just dumb luck and neither that I see on a super regularly basis. One is maybe 1-2 times a year, the other maybe once a week at best or otherwise biweekly. Which I’m really happy with.
If you’re not though you can consider joining Facebook groups/events around your hobbies, signing up for Bumble BFF!
Im 34 and I have this feelings at times too. I don’t have many close friends at this age. The friends I had didn’t treat me quite well, it felt like we were just friends out of convenience but beyond that I never felt my friends really celebrated me or cared for my hobbies or interests, when I look back, I was the “funny” and “odd” friend because I wasn’t simply chasing “the next phase” of life constantly like men, marriage, etc.
I spend a lot of time in a city environment because I feel like when you’re 30, sometimes the environment you live in can kind of make you feel a sense of being “stuck” more than you actually may be. I’ve personally noticed in suburbs my family lives in, it’s the same people since high school, there’s a selection bias towards people who seemed to have a linear path and luck with friendships, partners, marriage that you feel like a loser in comparison. When I’ve lived in a different place, I’ve met a variety of people with various life circumstances and careers, it feels more diverse with regards to life experiences. Not sure if that will help as some people dislike the inconveniences of living in a different area or moving, but that helped me to some extent. Even though I may not have besties at this age, I feel less of a loser when I hang out with people who have unique paths in life.
I’m 31F and I get where you are coming from. I had to drop people who took me for granted. I met an amazing friend group through an app called time left. They are the first group of friends that actually made me feel like my presence was a value add. Maybe give it a shot?
My ex bestie and bf made me feel the same. Both dumped me. 😂 It hurts, but from an objective pov, they did me a favor.
My suggestion? Dump anyone that makes you feel like this and find better people. It can be hard but if you really give it your effort, you can make new friends. Sometimes, it means being the one that initiates everything for a while, but give it a few months and see who sticks. Who starts reciprocating. People at our age are defensive and consumed with their own lives, so it can take a little while to open up. Friend apps, networking groups, meetup apps, there are tons of ways to meet new people now. Good luck!