My daughter is engaged. Announced last week the wedding will be in two weeks at town hall. I supported both her and her fiancé through masters, graduating in May. What is my obligation for wedding expense/gift? They are both 25 and living rent free in a home I own.
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This may be going against the grain, but I personally don’t feel you have to provide any sort of a gift if you don’t want to.
I suspect this is a rhetorical question.
Gifts should come from a spirit of generosity, if you don’t have that then don’t jinx it is my advice.
Is it a warm or cool relationship between you two? I’d bring up the question in a non loaded way, eg nothing about living with you or past support. ‘What is planned for the ceremony-day-celebration?’ And see where you fit in.
Gifts are never obligatory. If you want to offer a gift, personally I would buy her a bouquet to carry and get him a matching boutonnière.
Just tell them, “Of course, your current housing is your wedding gift.”
Not saying you have to, but what about hosting a small reception afterward? It wouldn’t have to be anything fancy, and since the wedding is at City Hall, I wouldn’t think there would be a lot of guests.
For our 4 kids, we said we would give them X dollars (which wasn’t much as we are not well off) that’s it. They knew and didn’t expect more.
Give them a free month’s rent.
This would be thoughtful, and inexpensive. Maybe add cheeses, packaged salami and crackers in a basket.
gift
Depends on the relationship you have with them, and they type of wedding they are having
Have they asked for anything? Do you have money to spare? What would you like to do? It sounds like you may have done enough and their choice of wedding is acknowledgment of that
An envelope with a slip of paper with “YOU’RE WELCOME” in bold font 🙂
Your obligation is zero. What, if anything you decide to give is a gift, not an obligation.
A genuine gift has no strings and the way you asked this sounds like you’ve got some feelings going on. If you cannot give any kind of gift because you have already done so much, don’t. Let them know in advance, though, and find an exceptional card they can keep.
If my finances were stretched, having already done what you’ve done, I’d give a gift certificate for a nice dinner at a nice (but not super expensive) place that they like.
For one couple who got married when things were tight for us, I made a wedding album with printed photos. Some people value that kind of thing, some don’t, so know what the couple are likely to think, first.
If you do this, get help with the names of all the guests at the courthouse and at the reception/ dinner, if there is one. Those names are often forgotten and the reminder brings a smile when viewing the album (my sister is a photo organizer and she taught me well).
If it’s an obligation, it’s not a gift
A very cheap and old boat.
Seems like you’ve already done so much. If you feel that you need to offer more, ask if you can take them out for a meal afterwards.
Take them out for a nice brunch the day after.
You have no “obligation” for a wedding gift. Gifts are just that they are given because you want to give them. If they have expectations of what the gift should be they should tell you. Personally I think you’re giving them a huge gift by letting them live rent free.
If you feel like it offer to buy her a dress. Maybe an after ceremony at a nice restaurant for them and you. That’s generous enough. I put on a home wedding for my son because he was my only child. She suggested courthouse as she’d been married before. I wanted more for him and me so she went along.
You don’t want to give them a gift then don’t. No need to ask the internet.
The fact that they are living rent free is a huge gift already. You’re not obligated to give anything. If I were in your shoes and can afford it, I’d host a small reception or take them and a few others out to a nice dinner.
So you’re really asking “I don’t want to pay for anything for my daughter, do you all agree?”
Don’t live your life based on public opinion.
Jeez, don’t you … want to give them something to mark the occasion? It sounds like you don’t even like them.
Is there something they need that you feel happy to provide? Sounds like you feel you’ve done plenty already and want to be reassured you don’t need to give a gift in addition.
I’d say give them something small, or a family heirloom, to honor the occasion but you don’t need to make any my grand gestures. The support you’ve given them is very important but also daily mundane, rather like getting only socks for Christmas important and needed but not exciting, and this is a special celebration.
Ideally you could discuss in advance to be sure to set expectations. Explain you’ve already given them a lot of support but is there anything they really need or want? They are choosing a very modest inexpensive wedding so they are saving both themselves (and potentially you) a ton of money. Are you comfortable with extra money or are you on a tight budget?
Is there a honeymoon? If not is it because they can’t afford it? Maybe offer a few nights at a hotel somewhere? But only if you want to. The song right now playing is, “if you can’t do it for love, don’t do it.”
Congratulations are in order! This sounds like an occasion for joy!
Is there any sort of heirloom-style object representing family history you can present to your son-in-law? A gift like that is a symbol of welcome to your family, and really pretty cool, and not measured by its material value.
As far as wedding expenses go, you’re paying for the weeklong bachelorette party in Cancun, right? That should be enough. 😇
Seriously, have a conversation about that with them. I bet you they are committed to avoiding putting pressure on you.
I think this answer is within yourself. You have no obligation to pay for anything. I think if you are feeling happy and generous, a dinner reception after the courthouse? If not, then get a gift, go to the courthouse, enjoy.