Hi Reddit,
I (28F) have been married to my husband (30M) for a few years now. Physically, I take care of myself — I go to the gym regularly, I’m in great shape, and I get a lot of attention and compliments from others. I’m currently underweight but actively building strength and muscle.
Despite this, my husband often speaks negatively about me — saying I look awful, that I have a belly (which isn’t true), and generally making me feel unattractive. His words have chipped away at my confidence over the years.
He also used to belittle my job, telling me I worked too much and didn’t spend enough time with him. I ended up cutting back on my hours and slowing down my career to please him, hoping it would help the relationship — but it only backfired. Nothing I did ever seemed to be enough.
A few years in, he insisted on opening the relationship. I didn’t really want to, but I gave in to keep him happy. Since then, I feel like I’ve lost myself. I’ve bent over backwards to make this marriage work, sacrificing my confidence, career, and peace of mind.
I finally asked for a divorce. I realized I can’t keep living like this — constantly criticized, emotionally drained, and unsupported. But now he says I’m overreacting. He claims I also have the freedom to sleep with other people and that I’m just “playing the victim.”
But I’m not looking for that kind of freedom. I want a stable, respectful, loving relationship. What really pushed me to walk away was realizing I want children one day — and I can’t imagine raising them in an environment like this.
So now I’m left wondering: Am I really overreacting? Or am I finally doing what’s right for myself and my future?
Edit:
Thank you all so much. Your replies left me crying, I’m genuinely touched. I’ll probably come back to read them whenever I start doubting myself (which is basically everyday at this point).
He made me sign a postnup that leaves me with nothing. I’m currently completely financially dependent onhim.
But I’m done. I will start working on my exit plan. I may not have much, but I have clarity. I’m leaving — for me, and for my future kids
Comments
Yeah dude he shouldn’t be bringing you down that’s not what you do to someone u love ,I’d bounce.
Run, run, he must have cheated on you with what you wrote about how you also have the right to sleep with other people. You deserve something better, taking advantage of the fact that you don’t have children with him.
You’re not overreacting, he’s a loser, dump him
Opening the relationship seems to be the beginning of the end from what I read on here. But basically he’s abusive and you two aren’t compatible. He wants to be free to be with others and you want a commitment. He is not the father type because a good father is a good and faithful husband. Leave now while you’re still young and can find someone who will love and cherish you. His putting you down is to make you feel like you can’t leave. That’s bull. You need to leave and find the life you deserve and the loving relationship you deserve!
I’d pack his shit and kick him out. Or pack my things and GTFO. This relationship is eventing to do you in to where you question your every move, "Will this please him?" Pretty soon it’ll be items at the grocery store. RUN RUN RUN!
He broke you down so he could “cheat with permission “.
NOR – sounds like you’re finally finding your backbone & learning a little self respect and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and so much right with it!! Get out of that toxicity and go find the things that make YOU happy & fulfilled. And please, never allow anyone to treat you like that again!
Loving partners don’t belittle their spouses and erode their trust and confidence. Don’t waste another minute of your life with this asshole.
Your not overreacting. He has been negging you. He wants you to have no self confidence so that you feel grateful to be married to him and won’t leave. He wants you to think no one else would want you. He wanted to sabotage your career. Opening a relationship is usually the kiss of death especially when one is coerced into it. Don’t let him talk you out of it. You have put up with him for way too long and you deserve so much better.
Leave him you deserve better
Get rid of him now, he’s a control freak. Live the life you want and deserve.
If 50% of the time you spend with someone is all about them complaining about you or you feel bad from their actions. It’s no longer a beneficial nor healthy relationship.
The reason anyone want to be in a relationship is not just about companionship, it’s about quality companionship where both of you feel better and fare better together. If a relationship failed to do that, it’s no longer serve it’s purpose.
The person who accused you of overreacting are usually the ones whose wellbeing /benefits not affected from a situation. If they aren’t affected negatively like you, they have no business telling you what to do.
You can love someone but acknowledge that it no longer work for you. It’s not too late to leave and start a fresh.
Yep, husband’s an asshole!
Time to call it a day and move on.
If you have to make yourself smaller to make the other person happy, you’re with the wrong person.
Also, do you really want him treating any daughters you might have with him the way he’s treated you?
He’s trying to beat you down so you won’t have enough confidence to leave him. Leave him, you deserve better.
Please plan on getting shit together to move on; he’s stealing a good life from you.
Your future kids will thank you. Don’t forget to call him a dick at least once
You’ve discarded your moral and ethical code just to please the a man that puts you down, when all you do is try to work on yourself and cater to his unrealistic desires.
He was the one who pushed you out of what the relationship was initially.
Good on you for filing for divorce. There are better men out there that won’t manipulate and put you down. Instead some men will build you up and actually be your life partner and want a healthy relationship.
Do you admire the person that he is? Do you feel appreciated and respected? Does it seem like the two of you have improved lives because of the presence of the other in it?
To me, you’ve described someone who negged you into accepting less so that he could take more, and now he’s freaking out because his fantasy is falling apart. It deserves to fall apart if sustaining it is hurting you.
you will be free not having to sacrifice yourself
You’re not over reacting. You’re still young and have plenty time to find someone who will be on the same page as you 🙏🏽
Before you say anything else to him…
Go speak with a lawyer & go get a physical and a full STD/STI panel done.
Then, figure out your exit plan.
You can call your local DV shelter they have lots of information.
You can also google Domestic exit plan, that will give you information as well.
Safety is the main concern, so going forward until you are gone be careful.
Secure YOUR personal documents, maybe rent a small storage unit (or can you use someone’s garage for a bit?). Put out of season clothing, family treasures, small kitchen appliances you want to take with you. And if he asks – Spring cleaning, you’re donating things, pitching things, etc.
Obviously, you want to take things out of the house when he’s not there, or hide stuff in the trunk of your car to take to storage when you can.
If you decide to divorce him, let trustworthy friends and family know; safety first!!
Good luck.
You are not overreacting at all. He is just one of those guys that has to tear people down to make himself feel better. Some guys also have this weird idea that tearing their gf or wife down will lower their self esteem too much to leave them. Sounds absolutely nuts to me.
You did the right thing by leaving. He wasn’t a partner. He was verbally, mentally and financially abusing you. Not to mention manipulating you into allowing him to cheat as much as he wants. You are better off alone than with someone like that.
Tell him that once the divorce is finalized that not only are you free to have sex with whomever you want but you can also have a relationship with someone who loves and respects you….
Updateme
NOR
Your husband sounds like an AH tbh. Push forward the divorce. He won’t change anyway
You’re on point.
I suspect this man has a personality disorder with this level of manipulation and emotional abuse going on.
Possibly a narcissist or psychopath. Trying googling Dr. Ramani on YouTube. She does a lot of good educational videos on narcissists. You’ll find him there I suspect.
You may need to be careful about how you leave. If you have a gut instinct that he could become problematic when rejected, I’d consider calling a domestic abuse hotline and forming a safety plan for leaving.
His kind of personality unfortunately sometimes stalks people. So I’d be careful about giving him details about where you are moving.
I am so sorry this man has taken so much from you. 💗 I’m so glad you’re not going to let him steal anymore of your life and sense of well being from you.
Possibly consider therapy to better understand how to keep people like this out of your life moving forward. Part of that can be gaining a better understanding of why you were drawn to him initially. Sometimes those of us who come from dysfunctional families are drawn to what feels familiar to us.
I wish you so many good things… 💗
not overeacting.
there are so many selfish ppl out there & your ex husband is one of them.
he manipulated your mind bit by bit robbing you of your confidence. he manipulated you into stalling your professional growth. he manipulated you into letting him be unfaithful. now he is manipulating you into thinking you are of less worth than you truly are.
keep walking sis & dont second guess yourself. the longer you waste your time with this loser is less time you have with your future partner who will worship you.
good luck ❤️🩹
Double down. One thing I’ve regretted was not listening to my intuition. It’s never steered me wrong yours is screaming to get out. Listen you won’t regret it. He’s a loser and horrible partner.
Definitely get that divorce! You should’ve left him a long time ago.
So you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, where he belittles you, and there is zero sanctity in what should be a sacred relationship. Tell us, why are you still hanging around?
Be with someone who shares your values, cherishes you, respects you and you are happy to reciprocate. Someone who you are safe with. Seek help for some self love, and self respect. You deserve it and owe it to yourself.
YES, YES, YES!!! You absolutely did the right thing! Divorce this loser and never look back!
He’s been playing the long game.
He attacks your appearance to make you feel insecure and undesirable.
He convinces you to stagnate your career in order to make you dependent on him financially.
He asked to open the marriage so he could cheat with permission.
I hope you divorce him and take half his shit.
You’re only 28!!! That’s still fairly young and you have tons of options. Especially if you’ve taken care of yourself. You just need to have a come to Jesus moment and move forward.
Can’t "play the victim" WHEN YOU ARE THE VICTIM. Seriously, this little man child has had you as a wife and you have tried at every turn to be fair, understanding and compromising (admittedly more compromise from you than him it seems) so yeah why bother stay with a person that is getting off on kicking you down and keeping you there when you can literally go out and explore and most importantly FIND YOURSELF AGAIN.
Anyway not usually one to just jump on the "divorice is the only option here" band wagon but I definitely agree with you to leave him because it seems to me you have tried every which way of making it work for both of you and all you’ve gotten is a snarky attitude and condescending tone. Kick him to the curb and go be free without his dead weight holding you back.
You’re going to feel a million times happier once he’s gone. You’re going to shine.
Yes, you are doing what’s right. He’s an idiot. He actually thinks the best thing you could want in a marriage is to have the freedom to sleep with other people! You deserve so much better.
Your husband is despicable. You deserve better.
Get the divorce, unfuck you life and leave they dude.
You’re underreacting. You deserve a supporting, loving spouse. Your husband sounds like an absolute shit heel.
You are on the right path. You should have left long ago. Don’t let him talk you into staying.
You’ve got this. You will be fine. The right person is waiting for you.
Not overreacting. Find a place to move to, pack yourself, and move out(but don’t tell him until you’re done). Start the divorce. Rebuild your career, start now. He’s broken you down so you would accept his crappy behavior- a person that truly loves you would want to best for you, not try to make you small and afraid. You can absolutely do this OP!
He wants to chip away at your confidence so you won’t ever leave him, and you constantly think you can’t be with anyone better than him.
You are not overreacting.
This is a proper response, and I’m so happy you are putting yourself first. 🙂
I’m so glad to hear you finally left him! You’re not overreacting, I’d never put up with a fraction of that. You’re right, that is NOT the type of person or environment you want to raise children in.
Please don’t ever go back to him. There are definitely better men out there than this. Don’t let him gaslight you. Maybe consider getting some therapy as well as you start to rebuild yourself and recover from what he did to you.
He is awful…leave and don’t look back.
He has tried negging you over the years and it has worked and harmed your self esteem.
You deserve better…leave this turd of a human and get a counsellor. Get your health and career back on track and learn to set somehealthy boundaries on how people can treat you.
Respect, care, love, kindness are the bare minimum.
He wore you down till you submitted so he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.
Divorce him and go find yourself. Don’t be merciful. Don’t talk to him. Only speak to him to him through your lawyers. Get therapy.
Never let a person do this to you ever again.
You knew the answer to the question before you posted, you just want us to validate right? You’re not overreacting, leave that man alone.
Honey he is just manipulating you. He has been successful in doing that since past soo many years and he can’t digest the fact that you would actually ask to seperate
You’re just his backup comfort mattress that’s it.
It’s high time you dump him real good
The title I was, oh they are in a rut no need to divorce, work through it. Then I read the paragraph if this isn’t rage bait then divorce isn’t an over reaction
Get out. Be free. He sounds awful.
I think you’re under reacting.
Don’t look back or listen to others that are supporting him. There are guys out there that won’t break you down, and want to share their life with you and only you.
OP, get out of there, you deserve better. Your future children deserve better too.
Proud of you for leaving.
Dude definitely broke you down. Leave now while you still have the wheels turning. Otherwise. He will start getting into your head and have you doubting yourself again. Everyone deserves a loving health partner who will push/pull/help them up. No one deserves what this man has already put you through.
BTW. My parents’ relationship was like this. My mom went back so many times. Before she died, she was so upset she didn’t get to live her life for herself.
Gurl, stop making yourself small for this man. Follow through with the divorce. Always remember that relationships are a 2 yes 1 no situation, and you’re saying no. Do NOT allow yourself to continue be belittled and ridiculed by this tiny tiny man any longer. You can do this.
He wants your permission to sleep with other people and acts like he’s doing you a favor. What a horrible way to treat someone that you’re supposed to love. I wouldn’t waste another day with this loser.
He’s made you feel so bad about yourself you allowed him to cheat on you.
He’s not your person. He’s not worthy of you.
You said it yourself. He’s not the future father of your children.
You should have left when he wanted to have sex with others. It’s not too late. Stand your ground. His opinion about the divorce or your reasons for it are irrelevant.
Imo a husband that asks to “open up the relationship” will be on the losing end of wishful thinking…. It is the woman who never has a problem finding a lover… The husband ends up finding out it’s not so easy for him… And ultimately becomes the third wheel. It is a losing situation for him. Also, this guy is just a manipulator. He just wants it every which way to Sunday and he’s just not satisfied with anything… Keep walking and go find your person.
This is a bitch ass dude, leave him, prosper, and when you see him somewhere later and he’s doing the same shit, just the women get younger, and he looks older. You look at him with disgust and shake your head no when he tries to come say hi. When you start going through the divorce, be merciless. Even if it all goes to lawyers, the best thing to do with these kinds of creeps is take their safety net. That will make it harder, and take longer to establish his next "relationship". I have known manipulative ass dudes like this and they think it’s ok to be that way. I never understood how a person could feel ok with doing that to someone, and all they do is make it more difficult for people like you who fell for it to trust and truly let someone in again. Whatever you do don’t close your heart to the possibility. There are good dudes out there.
You’re better off alone than being with someone who constantly puts you down. Obviously you are both want different things.
NOR, this relation is one-sided, you deserve so much better than him …. leave him behind in the dust.
You need someone compatible with you. That is not him.
Girl! Listen to yourself. Please leave him and build your life back.
A real partner builds you up and doesn’t tear you down.
Get a divorce. You deserve so much better than this.
Read what you wrote and imagine that it was your friend or family member telling you that their partner treated them like this. What would you tell them?
I would call this an abusive relationship, but maybe that’s just me
Not OR- leave this guy, he sucks and doesn’t deserve you
You’re not playing the victim. Tell him: “honey, thanks for opening up the relationship. Thanks for insulting me and telling me that my job is the problem. You’ve made it very clear to me that we are not compatible. We are getting a divorce. I need to find someone that is harmonious with me.” But get your ducks in a row first.
Others say too, but I want to emphasize that he is abusive and tries to kill your personality, make you a shell of yourself and toy with you as he pleases. You will be surprised how good living it after you are over his manipulations. Even if it is a few years, healing takes time. Do not waste more time.
And do take precautions for protecting yourself, after he sees his manipulations are not working, he can attack directly.
You were gaslighted
Remind yourself of who you were
What have you traded
What have you sacrificed
You are still that person
You still have the same ethics and values and that is why it stings and pains so much
Your truth has been twisted and it has been presented to you as if you are at fault
Somewhere amongst this you need to regain YOU
Your husband has chosen to run you into the ground so that you will allow him to cheat on you openly. Get out of this relationship, get yourself into therapy, and forget you were ever with this complete loser.
This seems strategic. It seems like he verbally broke you down so he could guilt you into opening the relationship with someone he already wanted.
If he doesn’t respect you, get the divorce and move on. Get your confidence back, continue your gym journey, and move forward with your career.
Any "husband" that doesn’t care about your happiness shouldn’t have the position.
You are not overreacting. Plus, you don’t need to, “ask” him for a divorce. Move out and file.
You are not overreacting, he is a manipulative and emotionally abusive jerk and you deserve better. Maybe the only complaint he made on your list that could be semi-reasonable is the working too much thing, but even that was self-serving. If you are an attractive, fit, 28F with a good job and your wants are so reasonable (stable, respectful, loving, monogamous heterosexual relationship) and he won’t give that to you, then I (50M) recommend that you should leave him.
The fuck is this "ask". You fucking TELL him you are divorcing him. Then you go and live your best life !
RUN!
He’s an AH sorry to say. Get rid of him. Do not breed or cohabit or even have him on your acquaintance list! I promise, once you dump it, you will SHED that weight he thinks you have IMMEDIATELY!
can these AI posts stop using "overreacting"
This guy is emotionally abusing and manipulating the absolute shit out of you. Proceed with the divorce, don’t let him back on your mind, stay strong. You got this, you deserve so much better than this.
Updateme
NOR. He’s abusive and he’s worn you down to control you.
Lean on your support system, go through with the divorce, get therapy and get your life and self confidence back.
Tell him you don’t find him sexually attractive anymore, he doesn’t excite you in bed and he’s got flabby and repulsive…..
Then, skip happily away from this manipulative creep and build yourself the life you deserve, not playing doormat to this cretin….
YOU DESERVE THE LIFE YOU WANT!! Find that special person, don’t ever settle for less!
He sounds like a jerk. I think you’re doing the right thing. It sounds like he is nothing but negative, and using the "openess" of your relationship as an excuse to cheat. You’re better off without him, and finding someone who is in the same mindset as you are.
Divorce him .. take the money.. that’s a compensation of bad behavior
No. OP he’s "begging" you, and that’s simply a sign he doesn’t really love or cherish you. I’d be doing the same thing – getting a divorce and moving on.
Heal and find someone who doesn’t require breaking someone else to enjoy their life
You are not overreacting. You deserve better. Divorce and be happy, he will never make you happy.
Not overreacting. Leave him. Glow up. Be happy. You gave him everything he asked for, let him have it.
Updateme
Op, good riddance. He was your live-in bully.
You’re not overreacting. He’s a bully and an emotional abuser who has deliberately attacked your self esteem for years to make you less confident, more compliant and more vulnerable to manipulation.
Girl you know what you need to do.
Stop with the mental gymnastics and exit stage left.
Therapy, work on your self esteem for a while before jumping into another relationship that could be toxic.
Good luck.
I was in a marriage like that. The man mocked me for so long I gave you EVERYTHING I loved I have my heart racing whenever I sing within the hearing range of people. Last stage of my marriage I started building the nerve to actually sing with friends. He’d pretend to love me singing in front of them only to mock me when we were in the car on the way back home and the next couple of days. It’s been a year since I’ve been rid of him. Words cannot express how much peace I’m able to give myself. I’ve slowly started picking up things I used to love and connected to my identity at one point of time.
PLEASE DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT HE SAYS.
The right partner will build you up and want to grow with you. The right partner will be your safe space build your self respect and dignity. If that’s not happening then the partner isn’t a good fit for you.
I pray to God you are able to heal soon. One sister and psychological abuse survivor to another if he’s breaking down your identity he feels small and only feels better by making you feel smaller. Embrace your hugeness and spread your wings ❤️
You’re not overreacting. You are both not compatible with each other. Different values and outlooks.
If you were just dating you’d have split from him ages ago without question and not given it another thought.
Time to move on and find someone that aligns with you
>. I finally asked for a divorce. … But now he says I’m overreacting.
He can’t understand that you would decide to leave him because you don’t want to be with him anymore. It has to be a ‘reaction’, because why on earth would anyone not want to be with a catch like him /s
Keep walking away, girl. And don’t look back.
He doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. I would rather be alone
Death by a thousand cuts. Please look at the hotline.org. They may have some resources to help you leave him asap.
I’m so happy you’re confident and sure of yourself about leaving OP. Good for you, may your new journey hold many many more victories.
You still have time to find your person, it’s already a great step realizing that you don’t want children in this environment, leave as soon as you can, even if it’s hard. Good luck, OP 🩷
It sounds like you don’t have kids. So now’s the best time to leave that man before you’re tied to him inexorably.
Having seen other Reddit threads, please make sure to secure any important documents and store any sentimental items at a friends/family house. I have read many times where the SO destroys or takes/hides these types of things. Please just leave and remember you deserve better than this.
You are married to a Narcissist and he’s gaslighting you.
Hmmm, You’ve simply made your decision 👌
At the beginning I was about to agree with your husband. "You aren’t doing enough to excite me" is a terrible reason to file for divorce.
Now you should have filed for divorce the moment he asked you to open the relationship. In my personal opinion. This is a tactic unfaithful partners use to have their cake and eat it too. He is not feeling sexually ttracted to you for whatever reason and probably has some porn addiction.
I’m a man. I’m a Christian man and I believe marriage is forever. Is not my marriage nor my place to judge , but you should consider if this is the kind of marriage you signed up for.
The title made me think you were overreacting. But what you wrote- definitely not. "Excitement in bed" isn’t even the issue. You are 100% right to leave. He is abusive. Don’t look back.
Gurl we all know what he was doing. I’m just glad you finally realised how toxic this is and did something. Wish you all the best and never give up on your own happiness.
Domestic violence isn’t just about the physical side. There is the mental abuse. Financial abuse. Isolation abuse. Getting you to do things under duress. Cheating. Tearing your self-esteem down to the point he broke you where you wouldn’t attempt to leave him. But you are strong and can pick yourself back up.
Get your ducks in a row. Get all of the Financial statements together. The deed of the home. 401k details. Car details. Important documents. Do a credit check on yourself and lock your credit down. Do an std test too. And see a lawyer and explain how he forced you to sign a postnup when you didn’t want too.
Contact a domestic violence shelters in your area and seek help. This man may end up becoming violent like never before as the control on you is slipping. He will lash out and do things he never did before. Keep everything to texts and emails. Don’t answer calls from him for evidence in case you need a protection order.
Remember you deserve better and worth better ✨️
Updateme
Contact your own lawyer about the postnuptial thing. Many times it can be thrown out, if both people didn’t have their own representation to advocate for them individually, and if it was pressured, and coerced.
You deserve better. I hope that you can get out.
The postnuptial can be challenged if signed under duress, if you did not receive ANY compensation and did not have your own lawyer
Time to stop letting the sleaze win, get a lawyer
Talk to an attorney about this postnup after the pressure to slow your career down. See if there are any options to help get you on your feet. Even if there aren’t, getting away from him is worth it. I did it myself, walked away penniless. It was not easy, but there has not been one day in the 25 years plus since, that I have regretted it. Not one time. Go find your bliss.
He doesn’t want a partnership with you. He wants a cook, a cleaner and a washerwoman.
It doesn’t matter how much you sacrifice, the void in a narcissist’s soul can never be filled. He already took so much from you and it’s still not enough, and it’s never going to be. He’s expecting you to worship the ground he’s walking without him actually doing anything that earned him such a treatment. His constant criticism and belittlement are classic abuser tactics that are meant to wear you down and make you subservient, thinking he’s the only one that would want you.
There’s no winning here, there’s no pleasing a narcissist, he doesn’t deserve the efforts you’re wasting. Don’t let him love bomb you into staying, because he is certainly going to try.
I agree with the others – he’s negging you to maintain control. It will keep getting worse. Someone who loves you would be supporting you and praising you, and if there is a serious issue of health being it to you carefully.
This sounds like my abusive narcissistic ex to a T. Girl, run and don’t look back. It took me 6 months of being out to even realize that I had been gaslit at every turn, and even longer to come to grips with the extent of his abuse. You are worth so much more than how he treats you. He has to feel like he is in power and control at all times so he demeans you and keeps you emotionally off balance. I’m not one of the redditors that regularly suggests divorce, but seriously divorce his ass and then get some therapy to process everything. None of this is your fault, you are not overreacting, you are not misinterpreting things, you’re not crazy, you’re not being selfish. You are seeing him and his actions truly as they are, you have every right to prioritize your well being, you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and to be cherished. Seriously, you should consider moving out asap if you can, and cut all contact and only communicate through your lawyer. As he begins realizing the loss of control the gaslighting and manipulation will increasingly get worse. Get out now!
You’ve been abused for years. Kudos on realizing that and getting away from him.
Take that postnup to a lawyer and say it was signed under duress. You might still have recourse.
He enjoys bullying you. That’s why he doesn’t want a divorce.
He just needs to grind it out until he’s 45 and his labido crashes to zero because of over work and over extension. Problem solved.
Don’t let him try to get you pregnant to trap you.
You are actually in the best possible position because you have nothing to hold you to him. It’s better to be in a shelter or living with family temporarily than to be with him.
Get a lawyer to consult on the postnup. I pray you get into therapy. I hope you find happiness and get away from that little man. A husband builds his wife up, and an insecure boy will tear a woman down.
You are not overreacting. OP, you know he’s wrong and he’s been chipping away at you so you feel like you cannot do better than him.
It’s no secret, the issue here has always been him. He’s insecure and he’s chipping your confidence down because he’s making you feel like you can’t do better than him and won’t leave him.
You 100% should follow through the divorce and then build up your confidence again because this guy isn’t worth it. And he’s making you into the bad guy (or playing the victim) because he’s trying to break you down more.
The post-nup may not be enforceable. Talk with an attorney. But whatever the situation with your post-nup, get out of this toxic relationship.
The man that is in love with you and wants to spend his life with you, would never treat you like this. He will treat you like you are the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and he is in total shock that you talk to him and actually want to be around him.
This is how men completely in love with their wives behave. Go find one of them and you will enter a world that your current husband simply can’t provide.
Did you have representation when he pushed that prenup?
Talk to a good divorce lawyer. That postnup may not be enforceable. Those things need to benefit both parties, or a judge can say it won’t hold up.
You’ve got this!!!
Girl…..RUN.
Leave him of course, and while I am not a lawyer, it is my understanding that a court/judge looks in more detail at the circumstances behind a Post nuptial agreement due to circumstances that can extend to include coercion/manipulation that seems to exist in your situation. Though it is probably dependent on your state. I would consult a lawyer during the process to see your options and clearly communicate that he cheated/emotionally abuses you, etc.
Good luck
Postnups can be overturned if signed under duress, hint hint.
You could see about getting the post-nup nulled maybe if he’s been abusive?
Get a lawyer. Contest the postnup.
You were in an abusive relationship. He emotionally broke you down and removed your ability to support yourself. Leave with purpose. Find yourself again. Get a job. Go to therapy, find hobbies, get a pet. Do little things for yourself, like buying yourself an ice cream or getting yourself a birthday card or flowers. Treat yourself as you deserve to be treated, as a person who is loving and deserves to be loved.
See a lawyer OP. Many post nups aren’t worth the paper they are printed on, because they are coercive and skewed towards the partner who has the power. From what you wrote you can likely have the post nup overturned.
It’s time to focus on yourself and what is right for you going forward. Get yourself the best shark divorce attorney you can find, invalidate the post nup and get the divorce done. Good luck.
I hope your husband gets everything he deserves.
Like a swift kick in the nuts, a partner who pays him back in kind by pointing out his every flaw, and dying alone because he treated the only woman who’d love him despite his constant vitriol like shit for far too long.
You fell out of love with him after years of constant cruelty. He’s under-reacting because he thinks you’ll continue to bend over backwards and forgive him. He’s in for a rude awakening because it is known, when a woman is finally done, there’s no getting her back.
He took you for granted, and he’ll regret that every day for the rest of his life. Some things, once broken, can’t be put back together again, and the only option is to move forward.
I also hope you get everything you deserve.
Like a man (Or woman. Don’t knock it til you try it!) who loves you truly & completely, a partner who lifts you up instead of puts you down, and lots & lots of orgasms!
Op I’m so sorry. If you can play the long game. Work more hours so you can build security so you can leave his ’@ss. Pretend you’ve changed your mind. Whatever you do leave his sorry ‘@ss. You deserve better.
You’re not overreacting. Sounds like he planned this with emotional manipulation and abuse.
If you didn’t have a lawyer or were coerced into signing the prenup it might be invalid. Go see a lawyer.
Not overreacting at all! He’s awful and you will be so much happier without him. Make an exit plan and don’t tell him about it at all. Start saving money here and there. When you get groceries, get cash back for $25 or $50.
If you have a job, why are you dependent on him?
Not overreacting. Neither my wife nor I have the same bodies we had 24 years ago. I have never told my wife anything negative about her body UNLESS it was part of a serious and honest discussion. Not ever in a way to make her feel bad. I work away from home a lot and I text her. "Good morning, Beautiful." every day I’m away and send a similar message goodnight. Real partners build you up, not tear you down.
Read – Why Does He Do That PDF Free download by Lundy Bancroft – Free Books Mania
Get the divorce! He ended the marriage, when he wanted it opened.
Choose freedom, find your own pace, and peace.
Personally about your age I found my voice, and realized if I was going to feel alone, it would be better to be alone than try to please someone who couldn’t make himself happy.
Good luck to you, on your new solo adventure. You deserve to be happy.
Girl He saw how hard you work and all the amazing things about you and came up lacking. He was jealous of that. Your husband is an abuser and a loser. People like him love put others down, because they can’t stand someone else being better than them. He chipped away at your self-confidence little by little to the point where you couldn’t realize your worth without him.
The worst thing anyone could ever do especially woman is give up your career and everything you work for, for a man. There’s nothing left in this relationship. There’s no mutual respect, no love. You need to figure out your exit strategy immediately before things get worse.
Post-nups get thrown out all the time, easily. Especially if it is extremely one sided. Did you even have your own lawyer look at it before you signed it?
Don’t believe your husband when he says you will be left with nothing. Get a good lawyer, listen to them, and depending on your circumstance your husband could be ordered to pay their fee.
Most of all, stay safe. If your husband has hurt you before or you think it’s possible contact a DV shelter. They’ll provide you with resources to safely leave.
Don’t do a disservice to your future children by having him be their father.
Sounds like he’s jealous of you and has low self esteem. Good for you for standing up for yourself and removing yourself from this toxic man. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
He says you’re overreacting because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. You deserve so much better than this.
Your husband is a narcissist and you’re suffering from narcissistic abuse, run like hell, no matter what you do he’ll never be happy and it’ll always be your fault..
I’m glad you’ve already decided you want to leave, because that’s exactly what you need to do. Your husband is an absolute asshole
Girl, you’re 28 with an entire life ahead of you. Divorce him because he’s holding you back. Watch, you’re going to thrive without him 💕
Hey if you were coerced into signing a postnup then it isn’t a valid document and you should sue him for all he’s worth. Especially true if he’s been holding money over your head. Additionally, cheating may be a clause in that post up that breaks it. Please ask a lawyer!!
You are definitely doing the right thing. You deserve someone who loves you and makes you feel loved. Not someone who is going belittle you. He is the one with the problem. No matter what you do, it’s never going to be good enough in his eyes. You might leave with nothing financially, but you will gain back your self confidence, and be better off without this dead weight of a man.
Marriage was over when you “opened” it up.
YNO start picking up more hours open a separate account for your money to go to get your personal paperwork somewhere safe. You need to get away from this guy, he has done a great job of breaking you down and isolating you. I wish uounthe best. Once you get that divorce you will feels so much better.
Get out before it’s too late.
He is garbage…time to leave him
You go girlie. Build yourself, you have the power to do so. I’m rooting for you !
I say go back to full-time and nurture your career. Open up both a Checking and Savings account that he has no idea about so you have an amazing exit asap. I wouldn’t date anyone even if he gave you "permission" because that could turn into another thing he’ll hold against you. You’re in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation which I was in myself many years ago. Things will get better once you’re far far away from that nightmare of a marriage.