I recently discovered something that’s been messing with my head. My wife and I have been married for about a year now, and things seemed good — or at least I thought so. She has a 12yr old daughter from her previous marriage.
A few weeks ago, I learned that before we got married, she was involved with another guy who she worked with for 5 years. Apparently, that relationship ended (from what I gather, not on her terms), and shortly afterward, she and I got serious. I figured out she had an abusive relationship with the guy and still was behind him wanting to marry him. I now feel like I was kind of her “plan B” after things didn’t work out with the other guy. Their affair went on for 5 years while she was living away from her previous husband. She filed for divorce while she was involved with this guy.
She never told me about this. All this while, she was telling me she was last involved physically with her ex husband before they broke up 10 years ago. This was clearly a lie.
I can’t shake the feeling that she didn’t mention this affair at all. It’s eating at me, even though I know we’ve built a life together since then. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if I’m justified in feeling hurt.
We are even thinking about having a kid .
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How do you move past something like this?
Comments
Don’t bring a child into this mess!!!
She didn’t disclose something about herself that you needed to know before marriage. If you would have had this information before marriage what would have you done?
I think I would give her one chance to explain everything then decide what you want to do. Do not get her pregnant before you decide what to do. You have only been in this marriage a short time and you may want to leave.
Ask her why she lied and go from there….
Updateme
The past matters.
Whose going to tell him
A healthy relationship cannot have lies. Your relationship started with lies and that is bad. You are very hurt because your wife lied to you. Don’t have a child. Trust is broken.
Can you clarify something? Was she cheating on you with this guy?
She is going to bang the other dude as soon as he clicks his fingers…
Be careful, the next person she’ll cheat on could be you. You’re her plan B, translated as what’s left. So, if you want to save this relationship, talk to her and seek therapy, if not, leave while you’re weak.