Asking sincerely as a woman (28) who has never ever been ‘hit on’ or complimented by a man ‘in the wild’. Is this just something that happens in film/tv? Nor have I been asked for my number.
Be as outright as you like, and as honest, I won’t judge you, I just want to know the thought processes! Is it personal preference, do you need some Dutch courage first? Is it just not a thing that people do anymore, or ever did?
What goes through your head if you see a gal you like in the street? Objective and Subjectively!
Comments
In current times, it is very risky for men to approach women in public, even if they are really attractive. Modern women have complained about men approaching them in public so men got the message. You are not doing anything wrong, the culture has changed.
If i see a welcoming smile I would probably try to strike up a conversation.
But I’m walking away if I see a resting bitch face
This absolutely happens in real life, to both genders, but is much more likely to happen to very good looking people.
Tbh I’m so detached from any of that I don’t even look at women passing by in that kind of way and I sure as spit ain’t gonna go up and say hi
No pepper spray for my eyeballs thanks
A girl that appears friendly and nice…. I hate when girls play hard to get and or are mean off cold approach. The dating world is already hard as it is… why make it more difficult?
It’s no longer socially acceptable
I have never approached a woman “in the wilds”. I kind of need to know who she is first. Which then explains why all of my relationships and datings started as friendships haha.
Being nice, funny, and approachable makes me approach women. But, toxic positivity (not sure if that’s the right word, fake being nice?) pushes me away.
No this is a thing people do… or used to at least. I think younger generations may do it less(millennial checking in). There’s a lot more pressure these days not to come off as an asshole. A lot more fear of rejection, I think. Especially when people are so willing to pull their phones out and film your humiliation for cheap laughs online… or to teach you something I guess?
Let me ask you this though… Do you seem approachable? Do you have rbf? Do you ever make eye contact with someone across the room and smile? If they’re smiling back… then they probably want to approach but aren’t for one reason or another. So approach them and say these simple words, “aren’t you going to come over and buy me a drink?” Unless they’re in a relationship, I suspect the success rate on this move for a lady is at least 70%.
Last question… are you attractive? Hate to ask… but take it from a huskier guy (with a great personality) you don’t get approached as much if you arent a hottie… but hey show the initiative and that you have personality/courage by approaching them and you won’t care that youre the one making the first move. People genuinely like courage and humor.
Women have been complaining that they don’t like being hit on. So we stopped.
We are all tired of being rejected by unrealistic expectations from women.
Nowadays you can find yourself in jail if you look at a woman funny.
Women don’t bring much to the table. Men are practical. It’s a simple cost/benefit analysis.
Eye contact or a wave and I’ll approach if I have free time.
My girlfriends say they get the most interest when drinking coffee, looking carefree, outside the cafe on sunny days.
If your schedule allows, try it when the sun comes out.
It sounds like women have finally gotten the world they wanted. One where they can go about their day without being accosted by men hitting on them.
I don’t bother approaching women. Not worth the hassle.
I figure that people want to be left alone, I’m not going to be bother someone while they are grocery shopping etc.
Depends where I am in the world. Some places I’ll feel comfortable approaching someone and in other places, I wait for a cue (a smile along with extended eye contact being the most common).
However, I’ve rarely approached. I just feel like a used car salesman and it’s not my style to go out of my way to impress. As said, I wait for an obvious signal and/or simply wait for her to hit on me.
I just don’t approach women at all. Not worth the risks.
Good men will usually not approach unless there is an obvious invite, because we don’t want to bother you, we don’t want to come across as creepy, and we are afraid of humiliating ourselves.
How to get a man to approach you: When you make eye contact, don’t look away. Smile at us. Not a big smile, that would be creepy, lol. But a smile that says “hi.” We will probably look away the first time, but if we notice it keep happening, we might just find the courage to approach. We’re looking for an invitation. If you want him to approach you, give one!
Snacks/bad snacks
It was something that happened before men got conditioned to expect negativity for being visible. It’s still portrayed in media just because stories build their own culture and patterns that aren’t always updated in real time by life. Some men do still approach women, but they are rare and often the exact type of man you don’t want to be approached by.
At this moment, the vast majority of men need to feel invited and given permission first in an unmistakable way. That way they feel a bit safe from all the negative results they see every day.
Life just isn’t filled with many visible examples of men shooting their shot and it being perceived as positive.
Unless you are almost explicitly signaling me that you want me to approach, chances are I would never interact with you no matter how pretty you are. I’m 40+ and back in the old days it was already hard if you are not TV handsome, but rejection and some shame is fine. But being seen as a pervert just by approaching someone is just too much. I haven’t been single since I was 16, so I’ve been out of the game for a while, but I don’t think I would simply compliment a woman I don’t know nowdays.
I think the chances of being approached have decreased for all women.
Myself i have never approached a woman because i have heard alot of them complaining that they do not want to be approached especially in public.
Well it’s entirely situational and circumstantial for me. Who, what, when, where, why, and how. That being said it depends on both me and the woman. I gotta have enough willpower, and she’s gotta seem approachable. If she looks irritated, is busy doing something, has headphones/earbuds in, or has a stand-off-ish body language then at most I’m waving. Hell I’m still working on my confidence so I’m only waving at women, which seems to be working! Haven’t had a lady frown, and I think I might’ve made some gal’s day earlier this week on Monday! 🤗
I totally understand that the dating landscape has changed a lot but just for the record, I want to be approached in the wild! 32F. Edited – I’m 33F 🤦🏻♀️
Nothing, I guess. I was hit on or pursued by every woman I’ve ever been with. I mean, I definitely perpetuated it, but I didn’t initiate. I suppose if I’d never been pursued, I would have had to do something myself. I still wouldn’t walk up to a stranger at random–I’d try to talk with a woman I know, maybe through work, hobbies, social circles, whatever.
It does take a lot of courage or confidence to pursue someone when there’s a good chance you might get shot down. I suppose maybe that’s the advantage women had pursuing me. Maybe they’re less practiced being the one doing the pursuer, but they’re probably also less practiced being rejected.
Anyway, if you’re into somebody, do something about it. Don’t just stand around and wait for something to happen. Yes, this was a thing decades ago and for some people it’s still a thing, but no guy is going to get upset if you pursue him. Or, if he does, he’s hella insecure anyway, so maybe it’s a good filter in that way.
I don’t approach women.
What puts me off, other than any individual women being unappealing in appearance or behavior, is mostly my own desire not to make their day worse by interacting with them.
>What goes through your head if you see a gal you like in the street?
‘Wow, so cute. Probably taken, and wouldn’t want me even if she wasn’t. Well, back to whatever I was already thinking about.’
She’s pretty , warm and smiles a lot. I’ll approach them and just try to strike up a conversation naturally.
I’ll be honest. When I was younger, approaching women was easy. I went up, got a number and that was a wrap. Nowadays even if I think the girl is into me, it’s awkward as fuck and women just don’t seem like they want to be approached anymore.
This could be completely anecdotal but that’s my experience.
>puts you off
My unusual amount of anxiety I have everyday on this planet
> what puts me off of approaching?
The biggest thing that puts me off is the amount of media where attractive women come on camera and say “I don’t want to be approached.” The second biggest issue for me is the fear of a false accusation from a scornful woman. I can only look at how women treated men like Trevor Bauer, Johnny Depp, and Matt Araiza who are all men with the means to fight back legally to be very weary of approaching.
> What makes you approach a woman?
She prolongs eye contact and sends other signals that suggest she wants to be approached. For example, waving directly at me is a great way to get me to come over and say hi. Locking eyes and then smiling strongly is the other thing I know can get me to move your direction and say hi. Other than that, a slight bump into me is about the only other thing I can imagine myself pushing to try to warm up to the idea of approaching.
Yeah, is this actually a thing people do anymore? It’s really hard to say. It feels like half the people on reddit say “yes, just don’t be creepy” and the other half is saying “no, it’s not worth the risk.”
Outside of reddit, I’ve never met anyone my age who’s done it this way, either.
“What goes through your head if you see a gal you like in the street?”
Wow, she’s cute/hot/got a great butt etc – and then move on with my life. I have never and would never approach someone I don’t know even before the online trend of shaming men who approach women started.
I’m confident in myself but I’m also self-aware. I’m not a guy who women fall head over heels for based on appearance so cold-approaching women would always be incredibly high-risk/low-reward. All of my relationships have been with people I had built some kind of relationship with first.
If I’m usually buzzed and she is looking nice at a bar. At least in my 20s. I don’t approach anyone in my 30s hahaha. I should though
I’m wondering what you think being hit on in public means.
I’ve never gone up to a woman and used a pick up line or said something like “Hey baby”. I have struck up small talk with lots of women, and if they seemed interested, I’d escalate and ask for their number, and if not, I just stopped talking.
I need a reason to approach her. I’m not just gonna cross the street and say hi