I started therapy at 11 at my moms demand because my family is a little messy.
- 2 uncles died of alcoholism
- her father was narcissist- adjacent
- she is phobic to hell of emotions
- she and my father split when I was young
- one other uncle committed suicide
- my father is bipolar and I didn’t grow up with him
I thought the years of therapy would help, but really it just gave me space to have feelings and understanding. It wasn’t nothing, but nothing really replaces having a loving, not dysfunctional family.
When I got older I realized although I had understanding and support, I also had a distorted view of relationships and some bad habits.
I found myself in a weird, unhealthy relationship at 33.
After all this I decided to try to learn what I didn’t learn. And I am o.v.e.r.w.h.e.l.m.e.d.
At first it started with attending Al Anon. A lot to learn. Now I’m learning about narcissism, emotional maturity, internal family systems, self compassion, other 12 step groups. All require behavior changes.
The amount of work I need to do to make up for the gaps in my childhood are huge. And I need an expectation adjustment AND I need some advice.
I’m 35 now – It’s been two years straight of working to straighten out my life. Does it better? Easier? Should I cut myself some slack? I’m worried I’ll spend the rest of my life ‘fixing’ myself.
You experience anything like that and have some wisdom?
Comments
ALL OF US spend our lives “fixing ourselves.”
Some years are better than others.
We are all on our way to becoming someone else. Get on. Enjoy the ride.
Heya! You can have a loving but still dysfunctional family. In reality most families are dysfunctional; people are flawed, and parenting isn’t a perfect science.
“Fixing” yourself for being a flawed person doesn’t mean you don’t also deserve everything life has to offer.
Cut yourself some slack, be aware of yourself and your tendencies, and give other people grace for also being flawed! There is no perfection to be achieved; just a journey that we should strive to make the most out of.
Yeah. It is easier to always be working on yourself if the basics that everyone needs to manage are covered.
How are your job skills and your living arrangements? I have solid skills where I can cover my expenses with energy left over to deal with my issues.
The downside is everyone thinks I’m “not living up to my potential” because I chose a job where I can pay my bills even if I can’t show up giving it 110%