Like many of you, I have struggled with people pleasing and second-guessing my every feeling, word, and action my entire life. This has made it easy for my parents to walk all over me, and has also made me incredibly lonely because I only show up as my true self 100% with a very, very limited amount of people. Like, maybe 3. Haha.
The thing that always held me back was being terrified of becoming like my parents if I started living for myself. When does it end? If I live for my own desires, will I become blind to the needs of others like they are?
Last year, I started addressing this roadblock and began going after what I want and being honest about my feelings, about what I am and am not willing to do. What I’ve come to realize is that I can prioritize myself because I am the type of person who prioritizes others. A part of my core values is to love others, to be honest, and to embrace growth. I can trust myself and my innermost desires.
Once I realized this, saying no, or not right now, or I just don’t agree and no, I’m not open to debat, has integrated near seamlessly into my day to day.
And I’ve noticed that people who tend to be selfish and manipulative don’t mess with me anymore, and in fact seem to like me more. Maybe they respect my lack of weakness or realize they need to take a new angle.
I also notice my social anxiety is slowly being chipped away at, and I finally feel for the first time in a long time, a path in front of me to get out of these dark woods.
Anyways, if you’re the kind of person who worries about who you will become if you live for yourself, the chances are incredibly high you’re the kind of person who values the wellbeing of those around you. It doesn’t mean you won’t ever piss someone off, or make a mistake, or even act like a jerk. It’s that you can trust yourself to keep you on a good path forward.
“You can trust yourself.”
I tell myself that all the time now.
You can trust yourself.
Most people would agree the hardest part getting over abuse from a parent is the lack of confidence that it brings. You have no self-worth.
But even if you don’t believe in yourself, you can trust yourself. And once you start listening, things change in big ways.
I hope this idea sparks hope, joy, or determination in someone else, I’ve found it completely illuminating.
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I loved reading this. 🤍