So my (25F) friend “Ava” (26F) is attending a fancy wedding next weekend and asked if she could borrow a formal dress I wore to an event last year. It’s a designer dress I bought after saving up for months — I love it, and honestly, I’m very protective of it. It’s one of the few “luxury” things I own.
I told her gently that I’d rather not lend it out, especially since it’s delicate and dry-clean only. She immediately got passive-aggressive and said something like, “Wow, I didn’t realize you were that kind of person.” I asked what she meant, and she said, “You know… materialistic. Gatekeeping clothes like it’s a family heirloom.”
We’ve been friends for years, and I’ve lent her stuff before — like hoodies or casual tops — but never something this valuable. And for what it’s worth, she hasn’t always returned things in great condition (once a white blouse came back with foundation stains and she acted like I was being dramatic).
Now she’s acting super cold and told another mutual friend that I “care more about a piece of fabric than people.” That friend told me I should’ve just let her wear it because “it’s not like I’m wearing it anytime soon.”
I honestly don’t think I’m in the wrong here — it’s my property, I paid for it, and I should get to decide what happens with it, right? But now I’m second-guessing myself because everyone’s making me feel like I overreacted.
So… AITA for not letting my friend borrow my dress?
Comments
Ehh I would say NTA. It’s a luxury item you bought for you, and I completely understand not wanting to lend it out, especially if it could come back in a damaged condition.
Absolutely NTA. I find this a bit of an overreach from your friend. If you are really close and have shared clothes then there is no problem with asking but there is absolutely no reason that she should expect a yes. You’ve set a really fair boundary with this item that matters to you and as a good friend she should respect it. Imagine if something happened to it! It would be an incredibly awkward problem to deal with.
NTA. It’s wild how people suddenly forget the concept of “your stuff, your rules” the moment it’s something they want. That dress is special to you – emotionally and financially – and she clearly doesn’t respect that. “Gatekeeping clothes?” Girl, it’s not a community closet.
Why does she feel entitled to your things? NTA.
NTA. I’ve never been able to wrap my head around borrowing clothes from another person. In this case especially, where she’s already returned things in not-great condition, I’d be a hard pass unless she wants to sign some sort of promissory note (which I’m sensing would just create even more drama).
I’d ask the friend then if she had a formal dress that Ava could use, one that was very expensive, if she would lend it to Ava. Watch her backtrack. NTA
Lose that friend lol, she’s entitled to something that’s not hers.
You’re not putting a dress above the friendship — you’re protecting something that matters to you in the face of someone who’s showing you she doesn’t care about your boundaries. So I would say NTA
NTA but your friend is. I’d say good riddance. I real friend would take no for an answer. An abusive “friend” will try to guilt you into it and then get others involved. Dumb her and never look back
NTA. She has a history of borrowing clothes and returning them damaged and not taking responsibility. Is she willing to pay for the cost of the dress if she ruins it? I bet not. Something’s are just off limits and that doesn’t make you materialistic or a gate keeper. You are not her personal clothing store. Honestly she sounds like a shitty friend anyway so you might want to rethink if she’s even worth keeping in your life.
NTA, she doesn’t have a good track record to begin with so I completely understand why you wouldn’t let her borrow an expensive dress you saved up for for months.
If she doesn’t want to be friends with you over this, she was never a friend to begin with.
How would you respond if the roles were reversed? 🤷♀️
She returned a white blouse with stains on it? Who does that? I would never lend her anything again. NTA
NTA is be saying I’m allowed to own at least one nice thing and keep it for myself. I love you but you don’t have the best track record and usually try to put it on me when you return things damaged. So no sorry you can throw a tantrum but you’re in the wrong not me. Maybe you can come back when you decide to start treating me with respect again as right now you’re not being a great person to me.
Sometimes we have to be blunt and what’s clear is she uses emotional manipulation on you quite a bit did you realise that. She’s saying you are wronging her and you’re a certain type of person. Whilst being entitled and treating you like it’s a crime to say no. That even when she returns things damages she turns it on you, no sorry no I will try and fix it, wow your sensitive and over reacting, your wronging me. Nah she’s not a good person and not the good friend you think she is.
Tell her straight and let her get shocked you’ve actually stood up to her and shown you won’t take her manipulation crap this time. If she does value you in any way as a friend then after she’s calmed down she will be back. If she isn’t it proved she never cared about you in the first place. You just put up with her crap where others wouldn’t and that’s what she liked being able to manipulate you and you letting her.
She revealed a lot of herself in this interaction. Kick her to the curb.
NTA. When someone wants to borrow your stuffs, it’s all on you to say yes or no, they must respect that and don’t push. If they push then they’re greedy btch who want things they can’t afford 🤷🏻♀️
NTA. She’s obviously careless & disrespectful of other’s property. Don’t cave OR feel guilty. You can gatekeep whatever is yours. Tell her she can get online to Rent The Runway.com or borrow from other friends. I would distance myself from her.
NTA she hasn’t treated your items well in the past. I wouldn’t want to either
NTA—not even close. A designer dress isn’t just “a piece of fabric”—it’s an investment, and you have every right to protect it, especially given her track record with your belongings. The fact that she immediately jumped to calling you “materialistic” instead of respecting your boundary is manipulative as hell.
Good friends don’t guilt-trip you for saying no, and they definitely don’t trash-talk you to mutuals when they don’t get their way. If she really needed a fancy dress, she could’ve rented one or gone shopping—not demanded yours and then acted like you’re the villain for refusing.
And let’s be real: If she’s already this entitled before borrowing it, imagine how she’d react if something happened to the dress. (“Oops, red wine spill, but it’s just clothes, right?”) You set a reasonable boundary—stick to it. Real friends respect those.
Tell her you didn’t realize she was like that, and when she asks like what, say manipulative…. Cause that’s exactly what she was doing
I think people mix things up a lot, friendship is one thing and that’s another thing.
Just because you’re her friend doesn’t mean you’re obligated to lend her your personal things.
NTA – you know she will either damage the dress or never return it.
If anyone else gives you grief over this, just tell them the last tome you lent her something, she shit herself and returned it complete with skid marks!
I’d remind her and everyone else on her committee that she does not always return items or return them in good condition. I’m sure you are not the only person she has done that to, they will get it. NTA
NTA. If she was truly your friend, she would take no for an answer. You do not ever have to “lend” someone anything! You worked to be able to buy that dress. Your “friend” is NOT” entitled to wear it!
That your friend is being cold and badmouthing you means that she is one who is materialistic and values things over people.
Remember: narcissists accusations are always confessions.
Based on her past behavior of returning inexpensive lent clothing came back with makeup stains and/or damaged, she cannot be trusted to care for an expensive item.
NTA.
NTA. It sounds like she cares more about your materials than she does you.
You care more about a piece of fabric, than people………said the one throwing a tantrum because you refused to lend her your expensive dress.
When someone borrows your property, disrespects it, and returns it in poor condition, then they don’t get to borrow anything else.
My mother used to say about some people, What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is my own. Stand your ground. Get new friends. You’re in the right. It was very rude of your friend to expect you to say yes.
She has just explicitly told you that she is entitled to your stuff. No ifs, no buts. Asking was merely performance, she is actually demanding.
Not your friend
She can always rent a dress. NTA.
NTA. Guaranteed if she messes it up, the same attitude would prevail. Oh she values that stupid dress I threw up on more than our friendship. Friendship has boundaries and mutual respect.
NTA – Tell her and any friends siding with her that she could easily rent a dress but not yours.
NTA – what everyone else said.
NTA. Tell her that you didn’t know that she was that kind of person who would bullying a person for saying No to them.
It’s your dress. You aren’t a rent-a-dress business or a designer trying to get free publicity. You don’t want your property used or destroyed by someone else. With her attitude, it’s almost guaranteed that the dress wouldn’t be treated with the care and respect it deserves.
NTA, the fact that she’s badmouthing you and has previously brushed off returning your stuff damaged just confirms you’re making the right decision. She doesn’t sound like a very nice ‘friend’.
Edit: make sure you keep it hidden so it doesn’t ‘disappear’. (I hope you’re not inviting her over though).
NTA, she isnt reliable and you have no obligation anyway.
Are you really sure this is someone you want as a friend? She sure doesn’t seem to act like a friend should.
NTA she doesn’t want to spend money on a dress. I would tell her she can buy from you for $50 less than you paid if she wants it so bad but you know she doesn’t take care of borrowed stuff and you are not going to let her manipulate you into doing it
NTA. If she was a real friend she was say ok and find something else to wear especially if you’ve lent her things before. She sounds entitled and bratty!! At the end of the day it’s your dress and no matter the price tag you payed for it so you are not obliged to lend it to anyone!!
NTA
NTA, she could rent a fancy dress for the event and be made accountable by a shop for returning it in a proper condition. She just prefers guilt-tripping you into lending her your hard earned property.
NTA
Your friend seems to think what’s hers is hers and what’s yours is hers.
Didn’t I read almost-this like a week or two ago?
NTA and honestly it sounds like she cares more about access to your stuff than about being your friend. It’s bizarre to think you owe her your nicest things. My friends and I might lend each other a hoodie if eg. its cold and I need an extra layer for a walk on the beach. None of us would ask to borrow something precious and get annoyed if the answer was no.
Did you point out to her when you lent her clothes before, it came back damage? That she didn’t offer to have it cleaned or replace it? Tell her that if this dress gets damage, either one of you can’t afford to replace it and you rather not go down that road.
NTA. A real friend does not ask to borrow clothing all the time. They can buy their won. If they are short of money they can hire a dress or go to an OP shop.
You can tell a lot by a person by how entitled they think they are to other peoples property. And you tell a LOT more by how they look after it.
Don’t lend it and reevaluate your friendship especially if she is now bitching to everyone because she didn’t get her way. She is way too entitled. So continue to say NO.
NTA
No is a complete sentence. She is being immature and may not have been that great of a friend in the first place
NTA
I lent an expensive dress in my 20’s (decades ago) that got destroyed. Never again. Learn from my lesson.
She’s not entitled to anything and quite frankly, you don’t owe her a reason. Sorry she sucks.
NTA. Your friend has a sense of entitlement. You worked hard and invested in the dress. She needs to respect your boundary.
She has no rights to your dress. She asked to borrow it, you said “no”, end of story. She is sounding like an entitled child rather than a friend….
NTA
She is selfish and a user. Need to ditch her.
definitely NTA. sounds like she just didn’t plan for this wedding well enough and just assumed she could borrow from you and she has to scramble for something to wear
NTA and do NOT feel bad. Is that realllly a best friend if she’s throwing a tantrum over this? She can’t respect your boundary. Pleaseeee do not let her borrow it.
Even if it was a $10 dress you thrifted, you are under no obligation to lend. The fact that she doesn’t return items in clean condition just reinforces this. NTA
“Wow, I didn’t realise you were that kind of person… you know, thinking you’re entitled to other people’s stuff and then throwing toddler tantrums when you find out you’re not.”
“Thou shalt not covet thy friend’s dress”
Tell her you didn’t realize she was that kind of person. The kind who would covet their friend’s valuable belingings
NTA, the one being materialistic, is your friend. If you’re willing to treat a friend coldly because of a dress, you need to take a hard look in the mirror. You paid for it, not her, and it’s perfectly reasonable to protect your investment. Honestly, I wouldn’t lend my friend a $2 shirt if they’re going to act like it’s whatever if it comes back damaged, just because it’s not theirs. I bet if she were to rent something or buy it herself, the item wouldn’t get treated that way because it’s her money on the line. I always believe in protecting yourself, even when someone has a decent track record, if theirs a decent chunk of money on the line. If on the off chance you want to lend her the dress or anything of value to you, do so, but insure yourself. Take a picture of what the item looks like before hand and have her sign a paper saying it will be returned in that condition and if it’s not she agrees to pay to either have it fixed if it can be, or replaced. If she has a problem with that, she’s not a real friend.
I don’t understand posts like this. It’s the friend who cares more about the dress than OP does. She is the one who is overreacting.
NTA
This person is not your friend.
NTA as it is yours and it would get damaged if you loaned it out., which would further damage the friendship. You could show her the website where she could buy her own if she loves it so much, or offer to go thrifting for her own designer dress. She obviously was counting on using the dress to save money and time, but attacking you was an AH move on her part.
Nice to start my day off with some AI generated nonsense. Lots of hyphens which is always a dead giveaway and this is a trope that is repeated all too often. Usually a wedding dress, so props I guess of expanding the range of scenarios AI can write about.
The last time this was posted a couple months ago, OP also hadn’t worn it yet. Why the switch up? Oh right. AI.
NTA but your “friend” is. I would state some facts for her if I were in your shoes. I would call her out for your white blouse and anything else she’s returned to you damaged after borrowing it. I would tell her she’s proven to you that she can’t be trusted with a simple hoodie, why would you let her borrow a designer dress that is delicate and you know she would not replace in the event that she damaged it. I would also make it clear to her and all of your mutual friends that no one is entitled to your belongings, and you didn’t realize you had such an entitled friend. I mean she sounds more like a user than a friend though. Best of luck OP!
NTA. If it’s just a dress why she makes so big fuss about it?
It’s your property. She has asked, you declined. End of the story. Other ppl willing to offer YOUR dress can offer their best piece if they are soo concerned.
OP it doesn’t even matter that it’s an expensive item or that she’s not all that trustworthy with your stuff. No means no and you don’t need to justify it. It’s extreme but I’d reconsider my friendship with her if she has not taken care of your things in the past AND responds the way she did when you said no. That isn’t friend behavior.
Turn the situation around: Ava cares more about a piece of fabric than about your friendship.
I hate people like her, who are passive aggressive and “acting cold”. I am so done with this sort of drama, the manipulation and the toxicity. It won’t get better. Personally, I would either dump her or at least, keep her at a distance.
NTA. If she can’t afford to buy her own dress then she couldn’t pay for your dress if she damaged it. Is it worth the risk?
NTA but at the same time are you saving it for something? Planning to wear again? Of course you have the right to do whatever you want. I probably wouldn’t be thrilled with this either, but I think if my friend really wanted to wear it I’d give the stipulation that 1) they must pay for it to be dry cleaned after, and 2) if anything happens to it at all, they are responsible for paying you entirely for the gown.
NTA! Don’t Lend her anything. I’ve met friends borrow clothes and never got them back. I learned and won’t do it again. It’s your dress. I doubt she’d return it since it’s so nice.
NTA. You purchased this dress after saving for it and it is prized possession. No one should expect you to be willing to lend it out. Don’t understand why “friend” feel she is entitled to borrow it.
Especially considering she can hop on and rent designer clothes in plenty of places around the world. NTA.
NTA.
Tell your friend and everyone else to fork over the cost of the dress and watch how quickly they backpedal.
If they keep guilt tripping, I’d consider if you really want to keep these people as friends.
NTA. Too many people think being a friend allows you full access to any of your things. Those are users, not friends. If you had a cute clutch that you wore with your dress, maybe offer to loan her that as a peace offering, bc that dress needs to stay perfect for your next event.
NTA. Everyone knows not to ask to borrow people’s special clothing items.
NTA. You’re not an AH because you don’t want to lend a dress that she clearly wants because it’s designer. From your post it’s clear that if she asked for any other random dress you’d lend her, just not this one and it’s ok!
NTA. Why does she feel entitled to your closet?
It’s very bizarre that she borrows your clothing frequently, esp casual things like a sweatshirt. She seems like a bit of a user.
I would just ignore her comments. You would be devastated if this came back damaged.
NTA! There are websites she can go to and rent luxury clothes. I believe Rent the Runway is one of them. I’d push back to the friends who she’s tried to poison and say, “she literally wants couture clothing for free.” You can open your closet if you’d like. I would have told her since she returned previous items damaged and didn’t make it right there’s NO WAY you’re gonna give her access to a dress you literally saved MONTHS for. Kick rocks
Real friends respect boundaries, not guilt you over them.
NTA. Plus she’s not your friend if she’s going around trying to get friends to side with her. Also not your friend if she can’t accept your decision for your one nice piece of clothing! Since historically she hasn’t been careful with your belongings, it would have come back stained or stretched. She is jealous. Friends are happy for one another & don’t try to steal their thunder. Get a better friend.
NTA – and at the risk of sounding like a complete old fart, what is it with young people these days assuming they’re entitled to use something that belongs to someone else.
If you ask to borrow something you should be well aware that one potential answer is no, and that’s perfectly normal. Like I said, old fart here! 😂
NTA seems super weird for someone to feel so entitled to someone else’s stuff.
Sure this has been posted before!
If your friend is laying out personal attacks because she can’t have a thing, she is the one putting things over people.
NTA. Even if it was a random $2 item you don’t need to lend you’re stuff to anyone. What’s the go with all the entitled people these days 🤯
Does she realise that she is actually the one that’s ‘caring more about a bit of fabric than people’ in throwing this bratty little hissy-fit? NTA.
only YTAH for being friends with this b*tch. The second she gave my clothes back with staines on it, I would be done. Or better: not return it ever. Oh, I would be so done. So so done.
NTA. “No” is a complete sentence.
Suggest she tries Rent the Runway so she can borrow a dress that way- cleaning service comes with it. Yea, she’ll have to pay money, but she can find what she likes that way.
Wow, that friend is being a whiny baby about this. Anyone who’s lent things knows that most people don’t take care of things that they are lent. You learn not to let things go out there if you care about them. Conversely, if you ask for a favor and don’t get it, you move on, you don’t make cracks about it to everyone. NTA
NTA. Men often have a saying “don’t lend anyone your wife or your car.” I can see how this extends to “never lend anyone your partner, your car or your expensive gown.”
NTA
I have attended weddings in a 50 dollar dress. If it’s a black tie event, she can save and buy her own dress. You could offer her another dress to try and keep the peace. If she refuses another outfit when you’re trying to make a good faith effort, then it’s her valuing a piece of fabric over you. She’s not entitled to your stuff. She’s acting very entitled to something you worked hard for. The fact that she’s not always returned your things in the condition she got them only reinforces the fact that you shouldn’t lend it to her. Also, what’s to say she’s going to give it back? Keep the dress and tell her to kick rocks
NTA
The only way I’d loan a luxury item is to have them put down a deposit of 80% of the value.
Tell her not to alter it or clean it in any manner.
Also, make sure it will fit her. You don’t want to get it back stretched out of shape.
NTA, Ava is not entitled to anything of yours. Her behavior is atrocious. A gracious person would say okay and move on. Her current behavior would guarantee I would not loan her anything.
NTA. Her sense of entitlement is outrageous. Glad I don’t have friends like that!
NTA
“I’ll loan you my dress if you’ll give me 75% of what the dress cost me.”
NTA. I’ve always been told never lend something you can’t afford to lose or replace. This isn’t something you can just run out and get another one of. You worked hard and sacrificed. If “fabric” and material things mean so little to her…why is she so upset? Stores full of garments she can buy or even rent something designer from online stores that offer that service. Tell her you love her, but you don’t lend anything to ppl who don’t treat it with the level of care you do. The shirt shows you have different standards there. My grandma said it doesn’t matter if you paid a nickel for something, you take care of it. Doesn’t make you materialistic just means you value the effort you put into getting things…and your friend showed she didn’t appreciate your generosity before. If she didn’t replace that shirt…she won’t replace your dress.
She can save up for her own damn designer dress.
What are the chances she’ll return the dress not in the same condition that she received it?
Nah..
You know she’s not careful with your clothes based on previous loans. The answer is no. Entitled of her to try to guilt you into it by calling you materialistic.
Stand by your original response.
NTA
This is not a nice friend. You can simply say no it’s not something that I lend. People ruin things. And she’s already disappointed you with the foundation stained top. If she blabs all over about you not caring for her – ask her who’s being dramatic.
NTA. Lose the bad borrower as well as the one who encouraged you to drop your personal boundary. You deserve better people around you!
NTA
Your “friend” is the one who “cares more about a piece of fabric than people ” if this is how she treats you when you politely set a boundary.
NTA. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend if she’s guilt tripping you over clothing especially if she has a history of returning clothes with stains. Someone who really cared would have taken the your blouse to the cleaners to make sure it was returned in pristine condition.
Such classic AI generated post.
You guys really do need to get much better at detecting this utter dross.
Wow, I can’t believe you’d put a piece of clothing over a friendship… Yea, I know right, can’t believe ava is making such a big deal over some fabric either… Crazy huh 😂
NTA. Why are you friends with this person? They suck. She would definitely ruin your dress and then not care. Bases on what you wrote here I would not classify her as being a friend but more just someone you have known for a long time. Friends don’t treat people like she treats you and pouting because she didn’t get her way. Personally I’d quietly ghost her.
NTA. Your friend cares more about money than people. Let her buy her own fancy dress.
And, it IS a family heirloom. Family heirlooms have to start out sometime, right? You being protective is putting that aura on your dress.
This reminds me of the observation that people who get angry when you set a boundary just show you that the boundary needed to be set. NTA
Also sounds like she’s the one putting a dress above the friendship.
I’m not sure you should call your friend a ‘friend’ if she can’t respect your position in this. She just wants to get her way and she’s not above emotionally blackmailing you into that and roping others into her game against you. You don’t owe her your dress for any reason. Why would she want to prance around in borrowed feathers anyway? Can’t she afford a dress herself? What if the dress gets torn or dirty? Will she be compensating you for the dress? I guess, if she keeps on harassing you, you could present her with a written contract in which she undertakes to buy you the same dress from the same designer if she doesn’t return it in the condition in which she was given it. You may not have an event now to wear it to, but that could change of course.
You are absolutely not TA.
NTA
I would have been done after the white blouse.
It’s yours. Even if it was a $2 t shirt you have the right to say no.
I had a friend like that who started going thru my closet and trying clothes on when she was over without asking. No longer a friend. Some ppl feel entitled to anything in life. Even other ppls stuff. I doubt she’d go the other way and let you borrow anything.
NTA. No means no. And even if it didn’t, it sounds like you have a good reason not to. She’s seriously messed up your clothes in the past and tries to shame you into letting her use something expensive? And tell your friend who wants you to cave to give you a deposit for the dress. I bet she won’t.
NTA
If she wants a designer dress, she can save for one of her own like you did. Or she can pay a service like “rent the runway” to rent her one.
I think it’s crappy of her to trash talk you to others about this. Perhaps take some time away from this “friend”.
NTA, it’s unfortunate that she feels entitled to your belongings. I think she expects you to share your things with her and she’s upset that you established a boundary. Well done for standing up to you, and the other friend sounds like they cower to your friend’s demands. You don’t have to share anything as an adult, especially a prize possession. If anything her making a big deal about something that isn’t even hers shows that she cares more about a piece of fabric than people
That’s not a friend. A friend would understand why you don’t want to lend out an expensive dress.
I’m a guy, so I’m not intimately familiar with women’s dress. But, even I know enough that most dresses are fairly delicate, and it doesn’t take much to rip it. If she’s slightly bigger than you, the dress can rip from just being worn.
As for her insult, I would retort “I didn’t know you’re a parasite”.
NTA and both of your friends are a dumbass.
NTA.
SHE is the one that cares more about a piece of cloth than a friendship.
Luxury items don’t need to be shared. They are absolutely different from lending out regular things. You invested time and money into the piece. You absolutely can decide to enjoy it all in your own and there is nothing wrong with that.
NTA I would turn this around on her and say to her “ I didn’t realize You were that type of person that when I say no to lending YOU something , YOU are putting a piece of fabric before people and our friendship.Thats very entitled of you to think you have a right to something I own.”
NTA. Why should you let someone else wear your dress. Tell her to go rent one, & tell her to go Fluck herself. Just because she’s entitled & expected you to let her have the dress doesn’t mean you have to go along with it. If her first response is “ pack your bags, you’re going on a guilt trip” because you don’t want to lend her your very expensive designer dress, then she’s not a real friend & she sure as hell does not respect you.
Ignore all the flying monkeys, are they going to replace your dress when said “ friend” ruins it. No.
NTA
You could tell your friend that she is the one who thinks a “piece of fabric” is more important than your friendship if she is willing to badmouth you over it.
Friend is entitled. And if she couldn’t accept your hard work and your reason, well, you found out what type of friend she is.
NTA
I don’t lend my clothes. I let them know where they can find one of their own. When I’m done, I don’t mind giving it away, but until then, it’s mine. I want to feel special when I wear it, not like half the universe has had it.
She needs to start saving up and buying her own clothes instead of always borrowing yours. What if it was stained or torn? If you did it, you’d be disappointed in yourself, but know at least you enjoyed it. If she did it, she’d most likely throw it in your face again that you like clothes more than people and never reimburse you.
I’d say the person who likes clothes more is her. She just happens to like your clothes more than you as a person or she would willingly accept your decision. As it is, she only likes you, if she can use your clothes. Not much of a friend now, is she?
NYA and she doesn’t really sound like a friend anymore
OP-It’s your dress, you paid for it and you decide what happens to it. and as for “care more about a piece of fabric than people.”
No, but I care more about this piece of fabric than I do about a fake friend.
NTA—I did similar-saved for a beautiful outfit/designer, sister took it out and wore it when I was out of town and ruined it. Your roommate/friend can learn to save and buy nice things.
“This would cost $500 to replace. I love this dress. You’re saying you’d be comfortable paying me $500 to replace it if it got damaged?’
“You know I’m broke. I need this dress for upcoming events. If something happened to it I’d be screwed.’
Also – not a good friend.
First of all, it isn’t gatekeeping.
Gatekeeping is when you block or control access to something that would be, or is meant to be, accessible to everyone.
A dress you worked Labor hours, to save money up to purchase, IS NOT gatekeeping. It is recognizing the cost of something that you aren’t willing to loan as the other person cannot afford to replace if damaged. You also aren’t willing to risk it being damaged because of it’s value and because you don’t want to risk the friendship over it’s value.
I hate how the current clime has made it so that no one is allowed to say no to a request because “gatekeeping” or “not valuing friendship”.
How about permitting someone to use something is up to the discretion of the owner?
How about a person’s past attitude about clothes they have borrowed has set the stage for not being leant an expensive dress?
How about being manipulative and trying to use social pressure to get their way makes it less desirable to have this person as a friend?
How about being an adult and realizing boundaries are there for everyone and you don’t just get to be an entitled priss about something that isn’t yours, that you can’t afford to replace, and aren’t going to have because you stomped your feet and balled your fists?
How about a true friendship isn’t being a user and realizing that sometimes we can’t have something just because another has it?
Don’t give in to her manipulation, nagging, or social pressure to lend it out. I -guarantee- she’ll damage it, say you value things over people when it happens, and it will be you that looses the dress – and the friendship.
If she values getting her way over the relationship, is not a good friendship.
Next time she mentions it, straight up tell her that you aren’t comfortable with lending out the dress as you can’t afford to replace it if damaged, and it isn’t worth damaging a friendship over. If she claps back about you being selfish, say “Yep..I am being selfish. I value the time and money this cost. I am not comfortable with anything happening to this. I tried to tell you in a less direct way, but since you are insistent .. I’ll be blunt: You have been careless with my clothes in the past and dismissed my concerns. This was very expensive, and I’m not willing for that to happen with this as I can’t replace it. Please drop this discussion and don’t social bomb me because you are disappointed. It is immature and petty.”
NTA and reply to your former friend: “You want to borrow it? Okay, I just need a $1,000 deposit, which you will get back so long as it’s clean with no stains of ANY kind on it.”
though, I’m just a bit perplexed, why does anyone feel entitled to something like that? NTA, absolutely, it’s your dress, you bought it, and honestly, that friend’s behavior is just… wow. I mean, after she’s already returned stuff damaged, and then expects you to just hand over a dress you saved up for months, how does anyone even think that’s okay? Perhaps others can explain the logic behind that kind of request… it’s a bit much.
If it’s just “a piece of fabric” then why is she pushing so hard to get it? This is just manipulation. It’s ok to say no to her. NTA.
NTA maybe it’s just me but if a friend had a luxury item I would immediately assume it wasn’t off the table as far as friends borrowing stuff, because it’s a luxury item and you never know what can happen.
Even if it wasn’t a luxury item, it’s your item at the end of the day. If you don’t want to lend it to someone, you don’t have to. End of story. And your friend trying to guilt trip you about it is childish as fuck.
NTA, by her reaction you made the right decision and know that a real friend respects when you say no. Someone who fights your boundaries are not real friends.
Friends a user.jelous aswell
nta. your frenemies are though.
I would ask her for a security deposit 😂 Sure you can borrow it but I need a security deposit to make sure it comes back in the same condition I lent it out in. If it does you get your money back lmao
NTA- people aren’t entitled to your belongings. You can say no to people for any reason
NTA stop sharing clothes!! The day she brought my blouse back with makeup on would have been her last time!!!
NTA something you had to save up for months to buy is not just any old fabric. If your friend wants to look that nice she can either save up herself for months, or go to a charity shop and get something fancy for cheaper. Also bitching about you to other friends is not what good friends do to each other.
NTA
She can Rent the Runway and wear a designer gown for a bargain all by herself.
NTA. I am absolutely astounded lately by the ask that some people think is appropriate.
She cares more about that piece of fabric than her friend. She is willing to diss you to other people because of it. It’s your dress, your money, you can do whatever the hell you want with it. She sounds lovely /s. NTA
NTAH … this friend sounds very immature since she cannot respect your decision.
No is a complete sentence, right?
Nta don’t lend it. She’s not being a friend
NO. NTA.