I am 27f and I am a nurse. I make good salary as private nurse for firm, which provides care for rich families. ( Six figures in my country, not usa ). I am proud of my career. I wanted to be doctor, when I was teen, but it wasn’t possible for my family to provide me medical education and at that time I felt self hate to be nurse.
But by age of 20, I became a nurse. But now I love it. This job has made possible for me to buy my own house, car and travel outside the country. Good pension plan and other savings. I can raise a family on my own income.
I have / had a boyfriend say rob 28m, who is into heart speciality and we felt in love during hospital visits. He was the one to pursue me. He is soon going to be heart surgeon.
His mom has always made passive aggressive comments about me being a nurse. We got engaged recently. And all of his relatives were at family dinner party, held by Rob’s parents last week.
So his mom and aunts at dinner table joked around that a heart surgeon like rob can get any female doctor as wife. Rob took offense and said nia ( me ) is very much independent and makes a good salary herself to take care of whole family.
But his mom went on. I have had enough. I have respect for housewives but this time I fired back. I said his mom and aunts all are gold digging house wives , with no life skills outside raising kids. They live on their husbands money who are rich. Some of them started crying. And started shouting. Eveyerone including rob asked me to apologise. I broke up on spot. And said I will not sell my self respect for his family.
I rather marry a normal man than a surgeon, whose family doesn’t respect me. I left and rob is begging for a chance. I know he tried to silent his mom. But I don’t see the future. I see a lifetime of taunts, and I can’t ask him to cut off his parents. Which he won’t do anyways. My parents are saying , he is a good catch and to ignore his mom’s comment.
But money isn’t everything and social status isn’t everything. I don’t wanna be looked down upon. But I miss him and it is breaking my heart.
Edit. More to add. He has tried to stop their comments whenever I told him it bothered me. He said try to ignore and whenever he tried arguing with them, they said it is just joking and he shouldn’t disrespect elders. Also after marriage , we would have shifted to house next door. I would never have peace in my life I realized. He will never cut them off nor I will force anyone. It’s better to end
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if his family disrespects you now, it won’t magically stop after marriage. This is what you should do: trust your gut, because choosing self-respect over status is never the wrong move, love without respect just isn’t enough.
YTA why did you get engaged knowing this was untenable in your mind?
I also fail to understand why you think the dynamic will never change after you blew it up, stood your ground, and got Rob eating out of your hand.
So let me get this straight: his mom thinks he can do better than a six-figure earning nurse? Maybe she should consider applying for the role of ‘Family Drama Queen’ instead.
NTA for standing up to his mother’s passive-aggressive crap. That woman sounds like a real piece of work and you’re wise to be done with him if he can’t stand up to her. Next step: focus on building your own independence, financially and emotionally, so that you don’t get sucked back in by some promise of “respectability” down the line.
Girl you chose you and I respect that heavy. Like yeah love is cute and all, but not when it comes with a side of disrespect from the in-laws buffet. You don’t sign up for a lifetime of microaggressions just to be someone’s “respectable nurse wife” when you’re already out here thriving.
His mom acting like you’re some peasant for not being a doctor, meanwhile you’re out here making six figs, traveling, owning property?? Be serious.
And Rob might be a sweetheart, but if he can’t put his mom on mute when she’s coming for your whole existence, then what’s the point? You didn’t lose a heart surgeon, you dodged a future group chat full of backhanded compliments and “when are you going back to school?” vibes.
You’re the prize. Always were. Keep the crown on.
Good for you for having values and wanting respect! 🫡 well done for standing up for yourself.
However, have you had conversations with your BF about his family and how they treat you? Have you made it clear you find them disrespectful and their comments hurtful? If you have, has he done anything about it? Or was he just brushing it off?
Could you have done it behind close doors with only him present? – sure you could! But what is the fun in that?!
Listen, if he tried to silence his mum and aunts and they carried on then the had it coming! Don’t dish out if you can’t take it back!
NTA if you come back to him there will need to be some hard boundaries set and he would need to respect them. But to be honest, based on your comments I don’t think it will work between you if you stayed together.
Find yourself someone who respects you and can actually stand up to their family!
Fuck yeah NTA, I can imagine his mom’s passive-aggressive comments would drive me nuts too! Like, if she has a problem with you as an engaged woman, what makes her think it’ll magically stop after you’re married? Some people just don’t know when to keep their mouth shut and mind their own business… Silly me, I guess I’m still naive enough to believe in fairy tales where the wicked stepmother (or MIL) turns into a supportive partner once the wedding bells chime. But hey, at least you stood up for yourself and your hard-earned career, don’t let anyone make you feel less than what you are!
NTA. I’m proud of you, internet stranger!
Nursing is a selfless, caring career. The comments from his family were hurtful and I’m not sure how they expected you to react, especially since it wasn’t the first time. The first time his mother made passive aggressive comments about your being a nurse your BF should have told her he loves you and she needs to be respectful.
What has he done since this happened? Has he tried to win you back? Apologized for his mother’s actions and his inaction at her disrespect?
NTA- nursing is a very good occupation abd career to be in. I think your bf’s family is actually a little uneducated about the nursing field. Many nurses in the U.S. make six figures. That is nothing to sneeze at in life.
NTA. Don’t take him back because if this is how his family treats you and you’re not even married yet, imagine what would happen if you actually married him. He doesn’t have a spine and allowed his family to disrespect and bully you and then had the nerve to tell you to apologize to them. You dodged the bullet on this one. Move on with your life and don’t look back!
Nurses save more lives than doctors do. In several cases, nurses save their patient’s lives by catching doctors’ errors. NTA
NTAH
What does it matter what he does? His aunts and mom were disrespectful to you, so you had every right to stand up for yourself. The fact that your ex didn’t say anything, unless you gave them a piece of your mind is very telling.
Move on.
NTA you’ve done what’s best for you.
NTA. You stood up for yourself and your success good for you. Love isn’t worth constant disrespect.
NTA
Sounds like my husband’s culture. My husband didn’t put up with his parents crap though.
First of all you are NTA definitely but in my opinion I think you should speak to him to reach out on a solution that would make you happy , also some people hate the truth when’s it thrown at their face so yeah.
NTA – good for you honestly, standing up for yourself like that and especially calling them out that they don’t work and live off their husbands.
Most doctors will tell you that nurses are the backbone of hospitals and clinics. NTA
You seem to be Middle East / Asia / Southeast Asia / South Pacific family values.
This issue has plagued many families / houses for generations.
NTA! He wasn’t doing a good job shutting them down if they continued with their comments. Threatening to cut them off would be the only way. But since he wouldn’t do that, you’re better off breaking up. You don’t need a lifetime of crap from those women.
I’m a SAHM and I absolutely agree with what you said. They have no skills or education. They want their son to marry a doctor but what status and money have they brought to their own marriages? None.
Plus he wanted you to apologize. Has he ever asked his mother or aunts to apologize??
Block him and his family on everything. Find a nice man who has an awesome family.
NTA – good for you. You don’t want that kind of negativity in your life. Can you imagine what ot would have been like if you had a daughter with him.
Nta for sure. Girl, his family is already disrespecting you and you guys aren’t married that’s a big red flag. You sounds independent and secure so you can
Do so much better. His mom sounds insecure and petty. Sounds like she’s jealous of you
NTA for standing up for yourself. ATA for leaving poor Rob who stood up to his family for you. Rob loves you enough to call them out and you leave him high and dry….smh to be honest he might need someone else who is a ride to die next to him. You sound like you’ll buckle and leave if something hard comes up.
NTA
Op, you did the right thing , Rob may stand up for you , but his mom and aunts won’t stop because they believe what they believe.
And honestly they’d probably have a problem with a doctor about her not being a housewife .
But that’s Robs problem.
That you know what you’re willing to put up with and won’t is very important.
I would suggest you tell Rob that he needs to fix his mom problem if he wants to marry in the future.
This reminds me of a Korean Drama I watched years ago, “Golden Eras of Daughters-in-Law”… Your ex’s mom was probably treated horribly by her own MiL and internalized it as the normal way of treating DiLs. The difference between the show and your own life is that in the show, the Mil realized near too late the value of self worth not being tied to others. You’ve got the nail on the head in wanting a partner that respects your autonomy. Your ex may be a doctor, but his spine is about as solid as a piece of Jell-O in a flour sieve. Live your best life, sista. You deserve way better than him.
NTA
NTA. Not by a country mile. Had you gone through with it, her aggressions (micro, passive, aggressive) would have co to used. And the first time she or some other ‘elder who must be respect’ was in need of in/home nursing, you would have been expected to give up your (lucrative) career to wipe butts and spoon feed those who mocked you now. Good choice. Your heart will heal and your brain will remember the lesson.
Listen to your gut. Elders don’t always know everything and your ex is weak allowing the disrespect so he doesn’t have to deal
YTA. They were clearly joking around, and even if not, relax. Seriously. You are a nurse that makes six figures
NTA and I’m glad you left those spiteful women in tears.
NTA- You have to have self respect. Good for you but sorry this happened.
NTA
They’re not funny jokes, and he should stop using that phrase.
It’s hurts now but time will heal. You can find someone with a family that will appreciate you, as a minimum is so rude about what you do as a job.
NTA, you absolutely did the right thing. His family is horrible and he will never go no contact with them for the woman he loves. That was a no win situation. I’m sorry but it’s better to stop it now than live through years of misery and then a contentious divorce later. You dodged a bullet.
From a fellow nurse, the doctor/nurse relationships I’ve seen rarely work out anyway.
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Sounds too me like you have too much self respect to put with her crap. Which is a good thing. Because once you started wedding planning, it would get worse. And kids? She would want to take over raising the kids. It would get worse. And worse.
I don’t know if your choices are so binary, breaking up or your SO goes NC with his family. There may be some middle ground where he has to tell his mom to shut it. Bluntly & rudely.
NTA
Do not join a family of cruel people if you value any of your future happiness.
NTA Listening to people who live off of their spouses judge you for having a great job is absolutely wild. I’m sorry this is an issue for you. You’re right though, this won’t stop. This is who she is. If you decide to have that conversation with your partner come at it from that perspective. You know how this goes and this situation isn’t different so what does he plan on doing to prevent this behavior in the future.
You’re well within your rights to stand up for yourself. Do not apologize to anyone. It’s a simple case of fuck around and find out.
With your partner/ex I would hear him out because he did have your back at one point and him flipping sides when it was reversed makes me think he is doing what he thinks is right in the moment. Go talk to him and set clear boundaries, if he can’t accept them then you’ll have your answer. Best of luck.
Signed a normal guy 🙂
NTA, I would do the same thing as you I worked hard from humble beginnings to be disrespected. Please follow your instinct and tell your fiancée his family is an extension of him and you will not ignore bad behavior. Tell him to find a doormat who allow his family to verbally abuse him as your parents they are also just looking at the $$$. Follow your gut it’s never wrong.
NTA. Good on you standing up for yourself right there! Awesome! Tell all of those people, and you’ll know this is true, that nurses are the ones who do the work and tell the doctors what to and not to do and keep them out of trouble! He just operates! I can’t think of one Doctor who could do his/her job without their nurses, and if the doctors are honest, they would admit it as well. These people simply do not understand the medical community and think he’s all that and a piece of pie because he’s theirs! Unless THEY apologize, I would block him and be done with all of that 💩.
“I will not sell my self respect for his family”.
You shouldn’t have insulted a bunch of people in their own home; that’s usually a no no. But it’s clear that future MIL was never going to accept you, and her dear son the surgeon, is a Mama’s Boy.
Don’t look back. NTA
You completely take care of yourself. You aren’t asking anything from your ex but to love you and have a relationship with you. Breaking up with the ex was absolutely the right thing to do because he and his family don’t deserve you. NTA
They should not be disrespecting you at all. If they don’t have anything nice to say, they should close their mom.
self Respect, dignity, honesty and focus.
their loss, not yours
NTA. Why not post a photo of your house captioned,
“Fully paid with lots of savings for travel, emergencies, and luxuries.
I’d rather marry into an ordinary family than be with gold-digging in-laws.”
I think it’s good you guys broke up. At least in my life any girlfriend who calls my mother a gold-digging housewife, I break up with her immediately anyway. I get how my mother was acting and it’s inappropriate for sure. I would never expect that you should “just take it” at all – but – no speaking to my mother like that.
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This is classic control scenario, she is showing that she ultimately decides who he will marry, because he hasn’t truly grown up. She holds all the power. He can marry anyone he wants is a false statement, what she meant is that he can marry anyone she says is the right one. She is looking for someone who treats her like a queen—which is completely undeserved. You are not the first couple to marry against family wishes, if you really like each other, he needs to have your back 100% and he needs to man up and tell his family they will respect you or not have a relationship with him. Moving to another city is a great way to enforce some natural boundaries. Also; successful doctors are not always faithful, this ego story they continually hear goes to their head. So if he doesn’t have you 100% now, he will be wandering after a few kids and younger nurses are all around him.
Well done.
Since you miss him, i would sit down with his mother and tell her how you feel and ask her if you can have a relationship of mutual respect going forward. Tell her to be totally honest as a lot hangs in the balance. Let her know if she is going to expect things from you as a DIL, you can only emotionally do it if you feel recognized and appreciated. Good luck!
NTA, you gave the respect you were given, they insulted you and when you hit back they couldn’t take it. It sucks, but if you do decide to go back, I wouldn’t go back without an apology from his family, get the high ground, and make it clear to him that if it ever happens again you will be out.
You will never regret loving and respecting yourself. His family is jealous of you. His mother is an insecure fool. You put a mirror in front of their faces and told them the truth about themselves. Eff their shouting and tears. And then you told them, NO. I don’t want to marry a man whose family treats me like garbage for saving lives. Your fiancé may be lovely and all, but his family is not. You deserve better. You saved yourself from a lifetime of suffering, pain, trauma, bullying, and foolishness. Be free and thank you for your service as a nurse. The right one will find you, and his family will love you like a daughter. That’s what you deserve.
NTA although if you really love him and want to be with him you should. Don’t let his family get in the way of your happiness.
You showed how dumb you are, when you gave an insult more importance than your feelings for your noivo.
you are an asshole for your fiance
This is a serious conversation that needs to be had with Rob. He has tried fo stand up for you, so that tells me he loves and respects you. Rob may need to speak to the men in his family for advice. And maybe he needs to threaten his mom that he will distance himself from them because of her and the woman.
The fact that they started crying tells you, you struck a nerve with them and they know it’s true. Tell Rob that he wouldn’t want to spend a lifetime being treated like that by the men in your family.
Talk to your family/friends to make a good decision
He can cut them off if he wants to though… they sound horrible to deal with.
the “new wife” is ALWAYS to blame for opening up his eyes to their toxicity.
It was a nurse who saved my life, not the many doctors I had seen.
Your culture is surely different from mine, but i feel confident that you and I as individuals agree about self respect. I can’t (and will not) speak to their actions.
I believe your decision was rooted in wanting the best for yourself, a decision you are always right to make. I believe you handled your anger poorly, and I think that it would be fair to them to apologize for how you reacted, but NOT apologize for being upset and wanting them to stop.
When you are choosing a wife/husband, you’re also choosing their family. Not in the same way, but its still important. If you can’t live with his mother saying those things to you, then you have to either set boundaries or break up, which I’m sad to see is what happened.
I think you’re NTA because they antagonized you, but you are TA for reacting to them poorly. If you want to be on good terms with the boyfriend again, or his family, you’ll have to apologize. If you don’t care to be on good terms again, then let it rest and move on.
I wish you the best, my friend <3
Absolutely NTA!!! You chose YOU and that’s the best thing a single woman can do!! His family will never change, he will never stop them and you will have to live next door. That would be my version of HELL!!!
Good for you, choosing yourself, your self respect and your chosen field of work that you love.
NTA. Nurses are important in healthcare.
Nta, obviously, you don’t need to stay in a relationship that you don’t want to be in, but part of me feels like you really do love him and you only are leaving him because of her… I feel like that’s giving a meddling housewife far too much power and control over your life.
Maybe take some time and think about if it could work, what would that look like? There’s a lot of room for compromise between living next door to her and him never speaking to her again. What if he agreed to moving far enough away that you would only see them once or twice a year on holidays? It sounds like he’s willing to stand up for you. Maybe talk to him once you’ve had a chance and see what he envisions for a future. At least then you’ll know you gave him a chance.
NTA, you did the right thing. Having to deal with a partner’s family mistreating you is a nightmare that no one should have to experience. I’m glad you chose to get out of that relationship, and hope you can find someone who has a respectful family. Also, there’s literally nothing wrong with being a nurse. It’s a very important job AND you make a bunch of money, so their comments are simply bullshit.
Make sure that Rob understands fully that you were a catch and would have been a great spouse and partner, but that you won’t tolerate disrespect, and that his mother and his family cost him his chance at happiness because of their selfishness and insecurity. Tell him to ask them if a gold digger would have walked away. And tell him to tell his mom that she cares more about herself than her son, which makes her a bad mother.
Then walk away with your head high. The next guy will be long shortly.
NTA. Maybe date a neurosurgeon instead, they’re more likely to have a spine.
TLDR/ Do what you need for your health – you’re both medical professionals and know this. NTA
I’d add a story my child told me to help you decide. He was watching Pokémon and turned to his cousins and I hear ‘that’s soooo SEXIST!’ (they were 8, and cousins 8,11,16). Cousins are like wth? They come over. Kiddo explains: ‘All this time I thought a nurse is a female doctor and a doctor is a male doctor, I didn’t realise they’re saying all nurses are women and doctors men – different professions. What a sexist show?!’
I agreed (proudly) and giggled ‘that’s the reason I monitor your media, you’re right they were sexist. So you thought nurse/doctor were just the female and male versions of the same job?’
Kiddo: well yeah, the nurses actually are the ones doing the job and know the patients – I thought the doctors just come in to supervise/check in.
In his mind, the doctors were the equivalent of admin.
I’m not a medical expert but from my understanding and background of academia surgeons are well equipped with their hands, they’re not known to be the primary caregiver or able to discern patients’ needs. Just one example, your average person cannot tell the difference of what various roles in the profession even mean. A doctor can kill a patient if a nurse doesn’t monitor meds and reactions in real time and respond. Some of us owe lives to nurses who did that – my niece lived cause a nurse who knew to not count on the flakey obgyn who’d have killed my sister and niece. Many stories like it and more critical I’m sure.
His family is showing a level of ignorance that’s beneath you both. They’re demonstrating their views from an era you will not agree with by virtue of the progress society has made since – to expect that friction to not exist implies no progress as a society.
It’s your health decision whether you stay or leave, I can’t make that call.
I can tell you – their opinions are not your burden to bear and do not change the facts of the matter at hand. The modern society knows this. You’ve grown as a person to accept and respect the work you do in your own right. His family and people like it, shows like Pokémon, they can’t change people like my kid, you, your spouse, me, and many others today like us – they’d have an easier time uninstalling an Apple update to their operating systems with whatever tech knowledge they likely don’t have than to convince us you’re less of a human or medical professional than any surgeon I’ll ever meet probably. So ask yourself, can they convince you you’re less?
Then definitely leave.
But if he’s worth it, I hope maybe you realise you maybe can’t change people like them and you’ll have to accept that – and they can never change you. You deserve to have the one you love face that with you, cause life happens and we can’t eradicate our elders (you’d be out of a job, just sayin’). And we still learn from them too, even if that’s sometimes being grateful reminders of the progress we have.
Remember who you are, cause this stranger sure as hell loves and admires your origin story – whatever you decide about the sidekick and his entourage. (Yes I watch too much anime with my kid lol)
Oh and feel free to steal any parts of this text so your bf can drop a mic on them and win your ass back, if you decide to reconsider – let the family know what era they live in and how foolish they truly are.
Overall: F that noise imho. And you can find more fish in the sea.
Self respect is everything when today most women have none and would have stayed because of the money. You chose yourself and didn’t back down. Good luck on love and life, hope you find someone who’s family love you like their own
👍 but you’re single now so that’s what counts …
NTA. They sound like the in-laws from hell. Good job on taunting them back.
NTA look at that shiny spine. Block his ass on everything and enjoy life. It was better to end it now than years down the line, because as you predicted you would’ve never had peace. If you were to marry him, he would’ve expected you to suck it up and tolerate his family’s bs.
NTA. You put yourself first. You would have been in for a lifetime of digs about your career. Sometimes, just loving someone isn’t enough because you are not just marrying an individual, you are also marrying their family.
My first husband’s family never liked me, and it was blatantly obvious. Over the years it drove a wedge between my husband and I that couldn’t be repaired. We had children together so I could not make a clean break from his family. The toll it took on my mental health was enormous.
I am proud of you for sticking up for yourself. I know that this is hard right now. Move forward with your head held high. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel less than because you don’t fit into the mold they think you should be in. Stay strong.
NTA
I think you should consider a side gig teaching Master Classes.
My dream of law school was derailed when I took my grandmother in because my father didn’t want to deal with her cancer diagnosis. I managed that while working and going to school full-time, graduated and married years later. I made the mistake of marrying someone I loved whose family never embraced me. That wasn’t an issue for years.
Then, my life was intentionally destroyed because I didn’t want to be an identity. I wanted my own agency. I made the “selfish” decision to hire a sitter to enroll in a post-Baccalaureate Paralegal Program. I wanted to get my foot in the door and decide on law school. I loved our children more than anything in the world but I wanted to have my dream after helping my spouse through college and graduate school.
My former in-laws introduced my then-spouse to affair partner so my family is in pictures on social media without me. My family always hated me and helped my then-estranged sposue kidnap our children, destroy my property and leave me homeless. I still face parental alienation on both sides of the family and am at the end of the road as I doubt my children will ever return to rebuild our relationships.
Personally, I’m happy that my daughter isn’t interested in getting married. I wasn’t as a child and never believed in “in love” but I married my best friend and we got along very well until I wouldn’t stay in my “designated role”.
Congratulations on your career and courage to not trap yourself in an environment with petty, obnoxious bigots for the rest of your life. I applaud you!
NTA. Since you’re not a gold digger, you don’t have to put up with their bullshit. Betcha Rob winds up with a gold digger though!
NTA and good for you! You can already see your fate and it was a smart move to dump Mr. Heart Surgeon and family. I know it hurts but the reality is you’ll be marrying beneath you and that kind of marriage is never good. Go find a guy that loves and respects your position.
And by the way, doctors would be NOTHING without nurses. It’s like saying a rock star is the sole reason a band is popular while putting down their guitarists and drummer and others who make up the group.
Not the AH, there really isn’t one in this situation… And it sounds like MIL is a jealous twatwaffle and there probably isn’t another woman on the planet (besides her) that is good enough.
If you love each other …then toughen up.
Next time she says something stupid, roll your eyes at her and ask her “how old does she think someone must be to be eligible for a convalescent home, because she sounds delusional and you are starting to worry about her mental faculties.”
Say stuff like that back to her face enough times and she’ll get the message that this Kitty has Klaws 💀
Even if he married a doctor she would still have a problem because at the core she is driven by jealousy because look at how easily you walked away because you yourself are very successful and don’t need to beg for scrapes from anyone. Your head is held up high, meanwhile she couldn’t do the same because her life depends on a man and his money. You’re above these people. Choose yourself.
My parents are doctors, many in my family are doctors. And in my country nurses make nowhere near that much money they are heavily underpaid.
And i can tell you, nurses deserve the fcking respect. Everytime i’ve been in hospital, be it for me or others, nurses are the people that make the difference. I’m not saying doctors are useless. But nurses are the ones that actually have to deal with people and their anxiety, they are the ones interacting with you. To the point that, 10 years later, i still remember the nurses that took good care of my grandpa, took us aside to offer advice because he didn’t want to eat anymore, was always a ray of sunshine when coming to see him. There have been many over the years, and i still think about them from time to time.
I honestly believe being a nurse is one of the hardest job there is. Especially with young infants and end of life. This is a job you can’t just do in autopilot. Every second makes a world of difference for the patient you are with.
Of course, surgery is a good job, shows the person has quite the skills, but if that’s how you judge people, there are far more intellectual jobs than surgeons. It’s not even in my top 10.
Nurses do much more than just take care of the physical health. that woman should check her entitlement. Brw, her SON is the surgeon, not even her. So why is it supposed to reflect on her? It’s not like she made it herself
The only way I’d agree to give him another chance is if he’d agree to move away from his parents. Have them at a 5+ hours distance, so that you see them maybe twice a year. As long as they stay out of your life the rest of the time, it should be okay. But whatever you do, don’t agree to move in next door to them, that would be hell on earth.
We are proud of you for choosing yourself
You are NTA. Men not being able to stand up to their moms is a rampant problem. When you get married your parents become your extended family and your wife is your family. Prioritize as such and if he can’t then you can do better than him.
Bro, this is SUCH a mature response
>I can’t ask him to cut off his parents, and nor would he
That sounds like real love and respect. And it sounds like he ACTUALLY tried quite a bit to fix things. But sometimes, things don’t go right. If you only see a future of bullshit, then leave and feel no guilt. It’s better to feel some pain now than to feel it for the rest of your life
NTA You have something that many women around the world don’t have the ability to make a choice. Because of your education iand job you know you can make it alone if you had too. So you don’t have to settle for abuse from in-laws.
NTA, do not saddle yourself to a man whose family will make your life hell. You don’t need that bullshit in your life.
Girl, you chose self-respect and keeping your dignity over dealing with selfish rude ass people that weren’t gonna accept you into their family. My guess is that it would’ve been an awful experience for you. All I have to say is bravo 👏👏👏. If I had a backbone like this 10 years ago, it would’ve saved me a lot of bullshit. Your discernment at this age is a beautiful gift. Not the asshole for sure.
NTA. He told you to apologize for being disrespected and talking back. That’s bully behaviour. He should’ve been on your side and unless he apologizes to you for that, you’re totally in your right to break it off.
NTA. Why couldn’t Rob tell them to just ignore what you’re saying, like he told you? He made his choice and it was to let you down.
Yes, in many cultures the elders are allowed to talk shit without pushback, but it’s your right to choose a partner from a more reasonable background. For your peace of mind and so you don’t grow old and be just like them.
YTA for how you handled the situation. The man can’t help who his family is. While their actions were inappropriate and should be addressed, breaking up with him on the spot for something they said is not fair to him. Also, they didn’t attack you directly, yet you resorted to a direct attack which makes you look worse than them. They provoked you softly to get you to overreact. Next time, don’t lose your cool.
It’s fine if you want to break up with him. You’re NTA for protecting yourself from a future of conflict. But understand that he is young and doesn’t have the skills to manage his mom. If you truly love him, you might try couples counseling so he can gain the skills to handle his family. And you could gain the skills of how to navigate the passive aggressive attacks. Nothing wrong with giving it 6 months and seeing how things have progressed.
Sad to hear but true, to them you will always be the goldigging nurse that their son settled for, thinking he can do much better. Good decision and good luck OP
You did the right thing. This would have gone on your whole life and he would not be able to do anything about it. Eventually, he would resent you for defending yourself and not apologizing to his parents.
NTA, you should be proud of yourself for recognizing and leaving a toxic situation. Your ex’s mother sounds like the type of women who envies your hard-work and makes fun of you to make herself feel better. Good for you on calling out her double standards, you weren’t rude at all. She should learn to not dish out if she can’t take it!
Don’t look back. Move on.
I think what probably hurts the most here is that the man you gave your EXTREMELY precious heart to turned out to be too much of a soft, cowardly little ballsack to stand up to his family for the sake of the woman he professes to love so much. You did the right thing. It was hard, but living with those assholes would have been much harder. NTAH
I would disown family saying things like that about my prospective wife in that setting.
They crossed the line, not you. And he should have defended you with more force.
And nurses are awesome. Nurses actually keep you alive. When my mom was in the hospital, I never once saw a doctor. But I saw all of her nurses, all the time, doing the critical hour-by-hour work to keep her alive and well.
Good for you. You deserve better treatment from your husband’s family. I’m glad you realize your worth.
I’m gonna be honest- why are you letting these stupid comments get to you? If your ex was proud to be by your side, and you genuinely were proud of yourself and your achievements- you shouldn’t allow yourself to even give their bs a second thought. But you did. ESH. Obviously ex’s family sucks. Your ex should have more of a backbone. And you. Calling them gold diggers is stupid. And I think you do have issues with your chosen career because you did want to be a doctor originally but you couldn’t afford to go to medical school (if I’m understanding that correctly).
Cheers to you!